case: (Default)
Case ([personal profile] case) wrote in [community profile] fandomsecrets2010-07-18 04:08 pm

[ SECRET POST #1293 ]


⌈ Secret Post #1293 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

<-- breeding woopers!

Secrets Left to Post: 16 pages, 383 secrets from Secret Submission Post #185.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - zombie poster ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

(Anonymous) 2010-07-18 09:18 pm (UTC)(link)
Being gay does not mean that you hate everybody of the opposite sex. Most gay men have at least a few female friends and vice versa. Conversely, heterosexuals are not attracted to every person they run across. And if they know that you're asexual, they're not going to hit on you even if they were interested.

(Anonymous) 2010-07-18 09:41 pm (UTC)(link)
And if they know that you're asexual, they're not going to hit on you even if they were interested.

Yeah, in a world where everybody is nice and decent.

But sadly rape happens, and if you are gay or asexual, others will often try to 'persuade' you, say that you actually just haven't seen a sexy enough vagina/haven't had an awesome enough penis inside you.

(Anonymous) 2010-07-18 09:50 pm (UTC)(link)
You're absolutely right. I should've said thatif this person was really your friend, they wouldn't try to pressure you into a sexual relationship.

(Anonymous) 2010-07-18 10:07 pm (UTC)(link)
Rape and flirting aren't the same thing. Just so you know.

But yeah people tend to perceive asexuality more as a challenge than anything else; you're just playing hard to get. But if you say you're gay, most people these days will probably lay off (at least in my experience) since homosexuality is understood much better. Unfortunately most of the population just flat out doesn't believe people don't have sex drives somewhere.

[identity profile] gethenian.livejournal.com 2010-07-19 02:46 am (UTC)(link)
you actually just haven't seen a sexy enough vagina/haven't had an awesome enough penis inside you.

I considered that the most probable explanation of me for the 10+ years between when I hit puberty and when I learned that there was a word for what I was. In that time, I chose to engage in various types of intimate encounters -- including sex -- with both male and female partners, so I could "test" that hypothesis.

All of those encounters occurred because I chose to consent to them. But they did not "fix" me and they were not enjoyable experiences, no matter how skilled or respectful my partners were, no matter how much I liked them as friends or was attracted to them on a nonsexual level more intensely than friendship.

I have therefor wondered whether it is possible to rape yourself, in a sense... If you consent to do something you don't want to do, knowing you don't want it, knowing you have the freedom to say no or to stop at any time, but are only consenting because everything you've ever learned about the inherent nature of your sex/gender and even your SPECIES tells you that as long as you are healthy, you DO want it when the right version of "it" comes along... what is that? Can that really justifiably cause you any kind of psychological trauma? Or is it just the same as when you were a little kid and tried to eat poisonous berries because they looked like berries you CAN eat, and you got sick, but you don't normally grow up fearing and resenting the berries, or hating yourself for eating them -- you just learn something new about life and move on?
Edited 2010-07-19 02:49 (UTC)

[identity profile] pspgm.livejournal.com 2010-07-19 03:19 am (UTC)(link)
I think it depends on the person. Choosing to learn for yourself what satisfies you doesn't sound like self-rape; but having sex because you believe you have to is different from proving your preferences to yourself. And everyone thinks about sex differently. A night's good time to someone is a lifelong commitment to someone else. People's definitions of the importance of sex are different, and that affects how traumatized they might be by not having it in the manner they want (or don't want) it.

I'm glad you managed to find out definitively who you are, though I'm sorry the experience wasn't a good one. :\

(Anonymous) 2010-07-19 08:10 pm (UTC)(link)
Yeah, I was totally that way with penis. I'm not sure about vagina*.

I think it probably can cause you psychological trauma, but it is self-inflicted. You consented to them, so they don't know any better.

But it has probably been a valuable lesson at the same time. At least you know you don't feel for anyone that way.

*I haven't felt sure enough to use someone that way. It just wouldn't be fair. The guys seemed happy enough to use me. Is there an easier way to figure it out?

(Anonymous) 2010-07-19 06:52 am (UTC)(link)
there's a lot of "I can't tell the difference between hitting on someone and sexual assault" in here.

[identity profile] saramiskismet.livejournal.com 2010-07-18 09:57 pm (UTC)(link)
I assume it's that when she says she 'likes' someone she is talking strictly about their personality, or other factors. So it's like her reflex assumption when she hears others use the word.