[ SECRET POST #1293 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #1293 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

<-- breeding woopers!

Secrets Left to Post: 16 pages, 383 secrets from Secret Submission Post #185.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - zombie poster ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom.livejournal.com]

130. http://i29.tinypic.com/119qtxk.jpg

[(Anonymous)]

Being gay does not mean that you hate everybody of the opposite sex. Most gay men have at least a few female friends and vice versa. Conversely, heterosexuals are not attracted to every person they run across. And if they know that you're asexual, they're not going to hit on you even if they were interested.

[(Anonymous)]

And if they know that you're asexual, they're not going to hit on you even if they were interested.

Yeah, in a world where everybody is nice and decent.

But sadly rape happens, and if you are gay or asexual, others will often try to 'persuade' you, say that you actually just haven't seen a sexy enough vagina/haven't had an awesome enough penis inside you.

[saramiskismet.livejournal.com]

I assume it's that when she says she 'likes' someone she is talking strictly about their personality, or other factors. So it's like her reflex assumption when she hears others use the word.

[ferricent.livejournal.com]

That's a really... sensitive trigger you've got, if this is a real secret.

[jlh.livejournal.com]

I feel like you have a really narrow space of tolerance there, OP. As the first commenter says, people are using a different meaning of "like" when they say that, and lots of gay and straight folks have friends of the sex they are not attracted to, plus most people have friends of the sex they are attracted to that they just aren't interested in being in a romantic relationship with. And yeah, people don't hit on everything that moves.

Maybe in order to feel more comfortable you might want to talk to a good friend who isn't asexual about how they feel about those kinds of things? And yes, you probably should avoid discussions of the sex lives of the actors, which I don't find to be that difficult.

[luzerna.livejournal.com]

This sounds like a phobia case. Thoughts like "he's straight, he's going to rape me" aren't normal, whether or not you're asexual. I hope you seek counseling, it sounds like these fears are really affecting you negatively.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

I have to agree with other commenters here about the way you seem to react to this. I get the part about the actor being gay, that to you hearing "he doesn't like girls" means that he doesn't care for them at all, and you have to translate it in your head. But why would "he's straight/bi" lead to your thinking he would necessarily try to have sex with you personally to the point where you're even fearful of rape?

[(Anonymous)]

As a fellow asexual I've got to say that I don't think this is typical.

I know - from experience - that it can be scary as all hell getting hit on and I'm sorry if you have been through some experience that has made this traumatic but I think it may be time to reconsider some of your ideas.

(Your definition of 'like' especially...I find it confusing that you can't understand the use of the word in context.)

[(Anonymous)]

Okay, you are not asexual. You are traumatized, and you need to go talk to a therapist about this immediately. Seriously, thinking that all heterosexual men are going to rape you is not normal.

[bloodrivendream.livejournal.com]

Well, OP may still be asexual.

But they certainly do sound traumatized. And like a therapist is probably a good idea.

[(Anonymous)]

Maybe it's the other way around, anon is asexual and then becomes traumatized? I say this as an asexual, I've never been abused or anything, but our society makes such a big deal out of sex, and for those who don't "feel" it it's hard to understand, it's annoying honestly. How far does this drive go? I'm not saying that all-heterosexual-men-are-gonna-rape-us, or even try to get us in bed, just that it might be a possibility for some of them even if it hurts us. You know, like when a man leaves a woman pregnant and goes away... It's not understandable that they would hurt someone for sex because we don't get what's so great about it. What I'm trying to say is that the possibility exists, and even if it's very small, it's very scary too.
Anyway, I don't agree with OP because I have straight male friends who are nice and don't try anything, otherwise I know I would. Maybe it's the case for her?

[(Anonymous)]

How is it abnormal? It's true.

[(Anonymous)]

Seriously, thinking that all heterosexual men are going to rape you is not normal.

Well, I don't know about that. (NOTE: I AM NOT SAYING ALL HETEROSEXUAL MEN, OR ALL MEN IN GENERAL, ARE RAPISTS.) A lot of people teach their daughters to always be wary of all men at all times because they could potentially be rapists. So I can understand where that fear would come from.

That said, if someone has a genuine phobia of men then yes, talking to a therapist may help.

[oflittlebrain.livejournal.com]

Seconding the sentiment that you need some serious help. Just because someone is gay doesn't mean they won't like you and (more importantly) just because someone is straight doesn't mean they're going to rape you. I don't think this is in any way typical for an asexual person.

[caelith.livejournal.com]

That's a whole bunch of issues you have there.

[supermattachine.livejournal.com]

I promise that the only gay men who find women boring are the gay men with serious issues.

Wow, sorry about your life.

[(Anonymous)]

Let me get this straight (no pun intended). Anyone bi or straight that you meet--any and all bisexual and straight men--will want to have sex with you so badly that they will force themselves on you? Well, you're certainly not lacking in imaginative self-confidence.

And please. No gay man would want to be friends? That's like saying I don't want to have female friends because I'm a straight female. You need your head examined, I'm afraid.

Re: Wow, sorry about your life.

[(Anonymous)]

Talk to my mom. I tell her that I'm not even conventionally attractive and there are so many hotter people out there, but then she points out that all sorts of people get raped, even crippled old women and Muslims covered head-to-toe, and I have to be alert at all times.

[pspgm.livejournal.com]

Am I the only straight/bi person mildly offended by... a lot of this? This is a general response to several of the replies here, I kind of started with OP's secret and then moved into other stuff. Sorry for tl;dr.

OP, clearly you have some issues that go deeper than just being asexual. There's a difference between not having a sex drive (which I can understand) and being outright afraid of sex. The former is an orientation. The latter actually seems to be messing with your ability to enjoy life, and that's not good.

I'm a bisexual female, and I promise you: I don't want into the pants of every human being I interact with. I live in sex-crazed American culture, but that doesn't mean that I'm sending signals to everyone I meet at a party about how badly I want to sleep with them. When I'm talking to someone, it's because I want to talk to them. If I do try flirting and they don't express interest, I back the fuck off. Most people operate like this, actually. The people who don't are in a minority and we more cultured people call them "douchebags" when we're fending off their unwanted attention.

In conclusion: It is perfectly possible for non-asexuals to interact with people in a capacity that doesn't involve sex. OP, my friend, you should seek some help about the issues that make you that afraid of other people's sexuality.

Note: This is not an attempt to convince anybody they're not asexual or even to suggest that sex might solve any problems you have. But when you think that every straight guy in the world wants into your pants by default of having a sex drive? You need to talk to someone, because that simply isn't true, and it has got to suck to go around afraid of that. I feel for you, OP. but not like that

OP

[(Anonymous)]

But rape happens all the time. 1 in 6 women in the US will get raped in their lifetime, and the majority of culprits are heterosexual or bisexual men. 95% of the time it's people they know - friends or family.

From birth I was constantly bombarded with measures to take to ensure that I won't get raped or molested (what not to wear, not to go out alone at night, don't be alone with a man in a room, carry pepperspray or something sharp in my hands if I'm walking alone in an unpopulated area, etc), and it's hard to just ignore all of that.

Sure, the bulk of people are decent non-rapists, but there's always the what-if, and all it takes is one time.

[ladyairy.livejournal.com]

Seconding this. I'm a bisexual with friends of both genders and a very poor sense of flirtation. I never make any kind of advances on anyone unless I know them very well and am certain of getting a positive response.

[(Anonymous)]

Sweetie you sound more just "confused about how human interactions work" than "asexual."

I suggest counseling.

[(Anonymous)]

I probably have Asperger's (fulfill diagnostic criteria but no professional diagnosis), so that might have contributed.

[username371.livejournal.com]

Well, first of all - congratulations of being asexual! Never believe anyone who says it's wrong or that you're just "traumatized". That's how they tried to "cure" gays too.
And really, not practicing sexual relationships makes you superior to average horny folks like me in many ways. In modern society, where you can easily reproduce with out sex, sexuality is a burden. In world where men are thought that they're entitled to woman's body, asexuality means freedom. Think about it - most people spend most of their time thinking about sex/love. You can use that time for something that matters.

Being afraid of men however, is no good. I recommend taking martial arts or even better, a real life fighting practises such as krav maga or systema. Learn to defend yourself, carry a weapon, preferably a gun, but a knife will do as long as you're not too scared to use it. Usually however, just the threat of weapon is enough to stop the attacker.

Many women get raped. Many women get beaten. Many women get killed. All by men. Being born as a woman makes us prays, but you can turn the tables and the biggest part of that is psychological. You need to stop fearing the predator and learn to hate it! Do mental training where you defend yourself against rapists. Make it messy, make it bloody. Be prepared. It's a jungle out there - eat or be eaten!

As for gay men... They're men. They like other men because they can have sex with them. Men don't have friendships unless they profit from them. Sex or money or ego boost. If you can't offer any of those, they don't care. Forget them - many gay men are even worse sexist pigs than straight guys. The concept of "faghags" is disgusting propaganda created by gays. Look what they've done to us in fashion industry!

I wish you luck. Remember - world is full of blind people. Just because you know the truth and others doesn't, doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you!