fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #1298 ]

[ SECRET POST #1298 ]

⌈ Secret Post #1298 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

101.

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102.

[Bleach]

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103.

[Harry Potter & House]

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104.

[Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz]

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105.

[Umineko no Naku Koro ni]

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106.

[Lawrence Fox/Billie Piper]

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107.

[Thom Yorke]

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108.

[Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask]

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109.

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110.

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111.

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112.

[Garden State / Peter Sarsgaard]

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113.

[HINABN]

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114.

[Half-Life]

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115.

[Charlie Brooker]

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116.

[Arcana]

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117.

[Ikiru]

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118.

[Super Junior]

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119.

[Gurren Lagann, Persona 4]

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120.

[the inbetweeners]

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121.

[Glee]

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122.

[Justice League/Green Lantern Corps]

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123.

[The Outsiders]

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124.

[Brandon Flowers - Crossfire]

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125.

[Majora's Mask]

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126.

[The Middleman/Pushing Daisies/Better Off Ted/The Tick]

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127.

[Wet Hot American Summer]

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128.

[Hamish and Andy]

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129.

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130.

[Johnny Yong Bosch/Paddy Considine]

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131.

[Kristen Stewart]

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132.

(Merlin/Wizards of Waverly Place)

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133.

[The Monkees]

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134.

[HURTS - Better Than Love]

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135.

[Jude Law]

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136.

[UTAU]

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137.

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138.

[Wayne Rooney]

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139.

[To Aru Majutsu No Index]

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140.

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141.

(YouTube - nerimon)

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142.

[L4D2]

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143.

[Hayao Miyazaki]

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144.

[Trapped in the Drive Thru- Weird Al]

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145.

[Kalafina - Keiko Kubota]

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146.

[Full House]

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147.

[Criminal Minds]

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148.

[Nana]

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149.

[Glee]

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150.

[Breaking Bad]

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151.

[Elspeth (webcomic)]

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152.

[f(x)]

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153. http://i32.tinypic.com/2zpqi6d.jpg
[porn]

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154. http://i31.tinypic.com/vg4ivm.jpg
[porn]

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155. http://img267.imageshack.us/img267/8/birthdaydeathbed.png
[porn]

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156. http://i29.tinypic.com/19kob8.jpg
[gore]

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[ ----- SPOILERS BELOW ----- ]

157. [SPOILERS for Ashes to Ashes]

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158. [SPOILERS for MGS Peace Walker]

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159. [SPOILERS for L'Chevalier d'Eon]

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160. [SPOILERS for Ace Attorney]

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161. [SPOILERS for Umineko no Naku Koro ni]

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162. [SPOILERS for Supernatural]

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[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS BELOW ----- ]

163. [TRIGGER WARNING for rape]

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164. [TRIGGER WARNING for suicide]

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165. [TRIGGER WARNING for suicide]

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166. [TRIGGER WARNING for eating disorders]

[Lady Gaga]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #185.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 3 4 - too big ], [ 1 - repeat ], [ 1 - doing it wrong ], [ 1 2 3 4 5 - hitshipspirationetc ], [ 1 - CRAAAAAAAAWLING IN MY SKIIINNN ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

First off, I AM SORRY for posting this. I was upset and said some things that shouldn't have been said. This secret deserved every bit of hate directed towards it, and I wish I'd never made it.

Now, to clarify things a bit: I was molested as a child. Let me just get that out in the open as "my sob story". I couldn't tell my friends, I couldn't even tell my family (it was a family member that did it). When I did finally get professional help (years later) I lied to the therapist and said nothing was wrong, that I was fine.

In other words, I dealt with it entirely on my own. I made my own peace with my abuse, and ten years later I can reasonably say that I am well-adjusted with a steady job, plenty of friends online and off, and a healthy romantic relationship.

I know that I am the exception to the rule, and "dealing with it" in the way that I did is probably not healthy for most people. I truly believe that therapy and support are the best way to heal, but I didn't have (or didn't take) those options.

I did not make this to baww, or to get attention or sympathy. This was almost entirely directed at people who brought their issues into fandom and used it as a crutch, or a way to get attention. As someone who has dealt with her issues without EVER telling ANYONE, this really pisses me off. No one online knows what happened to me. No one needs to. And using trauma as a way to get asspats is offensive to the rest of us. Stop it.

Again, I am sorry I made this secret and wish I could take it all back. It's entirely the wrong attitude, and I deserve the hate.

The way you dealt with trauma is your business, and I can understand why it might bother you that some other people are comfortable speaking about their experiences so openly.

More importantly, I can understand why someone using trauma as a way to garner attention/sympathy would upset you. It upsets me too; I've never had a significant physical trauma, but I am friends with survivors of rape and incest and I know how upset they get when people use it as an excuse or a crutch. So really, I can understand that.

That doesn't mean anyone who talks openly about traumatic experiences is crying for attention and pats on the back.

Moreover, what I really object to is your implication that race and sexuality and gender -- universal issues that figure into systematic oppression -- are topics that should be taboo because you are a straight white girl and have also had a sad life. There's nothing reasonable about this point of view, and it shouldn't be something you compare to people milking real or fabricated trauma for attention. It is not drawing undue attention to oneself to say 'I am black/latino/asian/gay/trans/whatever and this is offensive'.

Edited 2010-07-24 00:18 (UTC)

OP again.

I added them in because it's something else people baww over for attention. For me, real life has no place in fandom and bitching about "being oppressed" belongs elsewhere. Real-life sociopolitical issues should be dealt with in real life, not on someone's forum or LJ. I support forming rallies and taking a political stand, but it really needs to GTFO my internet.

Yes this is extremely politically incorrect, but I've read one too many ten-page rants on why (for example) Doctor Who is the most racist sexist insensitive thing to ever happen in the history of FOREVER. Take it to the BBC and leave me and my fandom alone.

Forums and LJ/journals sites? ARE real life. FANDOM is a part of real life. The shows we watch? The stories we read? We watch and read these things in real life. Why can't I get hurt and upset at the fact that nine point nine times out of ten, someone is killing another gay person so a straight person can feel bad and the story can move on? Or that the only gay character falls hopelessly in love with their straight BFF? Why shouldn't I be upset, when these kinds of tropes effect my real life?

There are straight people who've never met a gay person before they met me. And so if I'm affectionate with a straight friend of the same gender as me? They assume I have a hopeless love. If I happen to touch a girl on the shoulder? Well, I must be hitting on her. Calling something gay in a derogatory way is perfectly acceptable, because hay, gays are usually evil when they pop up in fiction and their lives always suck otherwise.

So why the hell shouldn't I be allowed to talk about that? Why the hell shouldn't I be allowed to bring it up in a place where people are used to criticizing the texts/media they consume? A place where people might actually listen to me, where I can say my whole "ten-page" piece and not be interrupted and written off as a crazy fan?

And one final point on fandom being real life. Each and every fan is someone who lives in real life when they log off. And some of them have never met another gay person besides them who likes what they like. Or they've never met another black person in this show or that one. In speaking out, we can discover that we're not alone, that there are others who think like us, who feel the hurt like us, who understand us. It can make dealing with the real life insults in our media just a bit easier.

Uh okay fuck you. Sociopolitical issues play into fandom and you don't get to tell me I can't talk about problematic shit I see in media. Because guess what? The media affects real life. Representation of gay people, gay relationships, gay families in the media actually affects my likelihood of gaining equal civil rights. If you want to crawl off into your straight white middle class corner of the internet and not be ~bothered~ by the problems of the less societally fortunate that is your call, but that is the definition of -- and here is that word so many people on this comm bawwww about because it hits closer to home than they'd like to admit -- privilege.

Fandom is part of real life. If you want to, you can try to find an area of fandom where people don't talk about themselves or their lives, and where they avoid talking about RL issues which are relevant to their fandom in case it disturbs anyone's illusion of fandom being a separate space from real life (hint: it isn't). Go and start a forum or an LJ community which runs on those rules, if that's what you want.

But unless you do that, and create a strict forum or equivalent run by yourself, you don't get to dictate what people want to talk about. You're being every bit as entitled as the sort of reader who contacts a writer demanding that they write them fanfic to their exact specifications. ("GTFO off my internet if you're going to write Harry/Draco! I demand Draco/Ginny. Go re-write your fanfics and edit Harry out right now!") And it's even worse than that, because you're trying to dampen down relevant and important discussions just because you personally don't want to participate.

One other thing is that although you say you support there being no real-life influence on fandom, you're completely missing seeing the influence that your own real life is having on your experience of fandom. It is obvious just from what you're written here that you have been unable to leave your RL at the door. Nobody can truly leave their RL at the door, and you are no exception.

1) Here you are, talking about your personal life and your personal "non-internet" opinion of sociopolitics.
2) Here you are, talking about your "internet" opinion of sociopolitics.
3) You're expressing the opinion that for the sake of your own comfort and relaxation online, other people should not express their opinions.
4) Because you personally hold the opinion that they're bawwing and whiny, and only want attention.
5) You are a RL person who holds these views and has expressed them in the RL situation of online fandom.
6) If we go by your definition, you're someone who's bawwing, talking about sociopolitcs in an inappropriate place, and trying to get attention too.

Oh.

It's your internet now.

I guess my queer ass is just visiting.

MTE.

Moreover, what I really object to is your implication that race and sexuality and gender -- universal issues that figure into systematic oppression -- are topics that should be taboo because you are a straight white girl and have also had a sad life.

Holy shit, this.

tl;dr, "I'm sorry for trying to dictate how other people should deal with their trauma, BUT YOU SHOULD ONLY DEAL WITH YOUR TRAUMA IN WAYS I PERSONALLY DEEM ACCEPTABLE."

ಠ_ಠ

If you're so well-adjusted, why did you post this godawful mess of 'things that shouldn't have been said'?

More importantly, why do you think 'lynching' is some kind of metaphor for people calling you on your (anonymous) shit on the internet? You do know what lynching is, right? How the fuck does it relate to people telling you you were wrong on the internet? And if it doesn't, why are you just throwing the word around like it means nothing (and if it means nothing to you, why are you using it)?

I think there's little point commenting on the original 'secret' but srsly, you seem to be conflating an awful lot of different things and that implies that you need more clarity in your life than you have. There's systematic discrimination there; sexism, racism, and so on. When people speak up about these, they are (on the whole) not airing their personal issues for attention because sexism and racism are impersonal things that affect everyone without exception. I'm a white immigrant; I am keenly aware of how much I benefit from racism, day in day out.

Then there's issues regarding triggers and mental health. These are health problems, end of. If you can deal with respecting your friends' coeliac disease or peanut allergies because you don't want to wreck their physical health, then you can deal with respecting other people's triggers too. It is not that fucking hard. If you don't have triggers, well, good for you! Me either, in spite of having gone through some trauma at an early age; some people have PTSD and/or triggers, others don't. In any case, speaking about your triggers and why you need them to be respected for the good of your health and that of everyone else who shares those triggers is not a request for an asspat; it's a fucking health need.

Then there's entirely personal, specific issues that arise from our life histories. You, sunshine, have these by the boatload! GJ!

More importantly, why do you think 'lynching' is some kind of metaphor for people calling you on your (anonymous) shit on the internet? You do know what lynching is, right? How the fuck does it relate to people telling you you were wrong on the internet? And if it doesn't, why are you just throwing the word around like it means nothing (and if it means nothing to you, why are you using it)?

Fucking THIS. If the OP is indeed an American, white, female then as an African American female you best believe I'm offended. My grandfather had to leave the South out of fear he'd get lynched, and if he hadn't I sure as fuck wouldn't be here. And I appreciate the people who called her out on her bullshit.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #1298 ]

op of CIMS (READ BEFORE YOU LYNCH)

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