[ SECRET POST #1535 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #1535 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 058 secrets from Secret Submission Post #219.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[judo-creature.livejournal.com]

... that's either the most amazing friendship story I've ever heard, or the most batshit friendship story I've ever heard. I can't decide.

Either way, sorry your plan didn't work. If it helps, I think anyone who ignores someone else for a reason as stupid as getting out of fandom is probably a huge dick. I have fandom friends who used to be my best, best friends [like, spending hundreds of dollars to visit, considering getting matching tattoos, platonically in love-type best friends] who kind of just up and jumped the train for whatever reason, and even though we don't talk that much anymore because they've moved on, I've never ignored them when they did come back to chat, even if I wish they hadn't left. Sometimes people have legitimate reasons for leaving fandom, and even if they don't, that's still not an excuse for treating someone who used to be a close friend badly.

[(Anonymous)]

This has happened to me a three times. I ignored them. I know it's shitty of me to not respond, but the best way I can think to describe it is like stage fright. I get petrified of disappointing them and I don't know how to recreate the friendship/interaction we once hand. Logically I know that not saying anything is the biggest way to disappoint them and hurt them but I can't help it. :\ Also, it's like, you abandoned me once before, if I let you in, are you going to do it again?

I guess I'm not the most emotionally healthy person out there.

[judo-creature.livejournal.com]

I have the "you abandoned me" mindset, too, and I'd be the first person to tell you that it's full of shit.

It's hard not to take it personally when someone you love leaves fandom, but most often, you have nothing to do with your friends' decisions to leave fandom. They weren't abandoning you, even if it feels like it, and it doesn't mean that they don't care about you [as OP's secret clearly indicates].

So I understand your position, but if it happens again, you don't necessarily have to let the person into your heart again just to acknowledge them and not completely shut them out.

[(Anonymous)]

Uh, a person doesn't have to be thinking "I am going to abandon you" for it to count as abandonment. Pretty much all they have to do is, you know. Leave.

[judo-creature.livejournal.com]

>missing the point.

Leaving an activity in which you are mutually interested =/= abandonment. They're dropping a hobby, not cutting contact and running away into the night. Beyond that, being too busy to continue interacting with someone [potentially through said hobby] =/= abandoning them.

[(Anonymous)]

being too busy to continue interacting with someone =/= abandoning them

Sorry, no, it doesn't work like that. You can have a great reason for doing it, but you are still abandoning them. You made the decision to leave and focus your attention on things other than your friendship. You have abandoned that friendship. That's pretty much the goddamn definition of abandoment. IRL can get in the way, and that makes sense, but you are STILL abandoning that friendship for IRL, even if you were forced against your will to make a choice about which one mattered more. The one you decide to leave behind is the one that you abandoned.