case: (Default)
Case ([personal profile] case) wrote in [community profile] fandomsecrets2011-04-06 03:57 pm

[ SECRET POST #1555 ]


⌈ Secret Post #1555 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 076 secrets from Secret Submission Post #222.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 2 3 4 5 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 1 - repeat ], [ 1 - unreadable ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

(Anonymous) 2011-04-06 10:58 pm (UTC)(link)
people who want to be "faghags" often fall in love with their gay friends

Indeed. If you weren't already objectifying or fetishizing gay men, you wouldn't use such an inappropriate label that insults both you and him/them. Perhaps in the past, it was more acceptable, but now that term has an underlying connotation for many people (not all) that the relationship is not so much a friendship as it is a...codependent, pseudoromantic, delusional-on-at-least-one-person's-part couple.

I've fallen for plenty of straight men I shouldn't have (no gay ones - at least not out ones). A lot of times it involved bad choices I made and ways I approached the relationship. Being so willing to embrace the label "fag hag" - and acting like you don't realize exactly what you were doing when you did that (please, most "fag hags" fall for the guys in question because that was their intention or motivation all along) - suggests to me you need to reevaluate your own behavior and attitudes about this friendship from day one.

(Anonymous) 2011-04-06 11:17 pm (UTC)(link)
I think it becomes almost inevitable when the label is impressed in that way, all the women I know who have called themselves "fag hags" often start by saying, "Oh, I LOVE gay men." and then the next time you encounter them they've fallen in love with a gay man.

And it just... never ends well. Both parties end up getting hurt and something that could have been a valued friendship is lost for good. As much as you can say "Well, that's life." it's still something that could possibly be avoided if the problem is how someone is viewing gay men in general in their mind.

It's okay to be attracted to someone you'll never have but once you know you won't have them it's good to create barriers just to protect yourself if for no other reason.