case: (Default)
Case ([personal profile] case) wrote in [community profile] fandomsecrets2011-04-13 04:11 pm

[ SECRET POST #1562 ]


⌈ Secret Post #1562 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

oh god stop using red text on jpegs

also, now affiliated with [livejournal.com profile] pkmnsecret! Check em out if you're interested. (:

Secrets Left to Post: 05 pages, 109 secrets from Secret Submission Post #223.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

(Anonymous) 2011-04-13 10:04 pm (UTC)(link)
They just don't have much interest in sex (which they can still have with their partner, which doesn't make them any less asexual).

I feel like I need to jump in and make a comment before the inevitable flood of: but how can you call yourself asexual when you have sex with your partner?

I'm an asexual who's had sex with her (now ex)partner. Why? Because at the time I didn't know what asexuality meant and even though I had zero desire to sleep with him I convinced myself that if we did often enough somehow I will change or develop something that would make me like it. You have no idea how hard it is to live in a society where everyone gushes over this wonderful thing that you can't care less about. You just want to know what's so special about it. After it didn't work out I did it for my partner. I just didn't have the heart to tell him I didn't care. After all it wasn't painful or anything, and it didn't take too much out of me if just to see that joyful look on his face. So I pretended. I loved my boyfriend romantically very much and didn't want to lose him. I was willing to spend the time doing something that he liked, to me it was like watching sports with my man. I don't know maybe it was a mistake. We separated for a different reason but to this day I wonder if my insincerity had some sort of effect in it.

tl;dr you can be asexual and have sex with your partner because you romantically love them and have no problem doing it for them to get enjoyment out of watching them enjoying it.

[identity profile] amredthelector.livejournal.com 2011-04-13 10:51 pm (UTC)(link)
Just jumping in to say, wow, that is almost exactly my experience with my ex. Except for the breaking up bit - we did break up over my asexuality.

(Anonymous) 2011-04-13 11:00 pm (UTC)(link)
I was willing to spend the time doing something that he liked, to me it was like watching sports with my man.

tl;dr you can be asexual and have sex with your partner because you romantically love them and have no problem doing it for them to get enjoyment out of watching them enjoying it.


Exactly! Asexuals aren't incapable of having sex, they just don't have the same interest in it as sexual people do. To have sex with your partner isn't just about sex and getting off, but also the whole emotional connection thing. At least, that's my experience. (And let's be honest, for most sexual people sex in a relationship is pretty damn important.)

(Anonymous) 2011-04-14 03:30 am (UTC)(link)
I'm much the same way, but with a much happier ending (so far). After a decade of marriage with a crappy sex life full of resentment and feeling like I was a total failure, I finally figured out that I was asexual. Realizing that freed me from a lot of my issues and I decided that my husband deserved a good sex life either from me or from someone else. I just couldn't accept him sleeping with someone else no matter how much I rationalized it so it had to be me. Letting go of the "oh my god why am I not getting off on this??" angst helped me a lot, and now I enjoy the intimacy and knowing I'm giving him pleasure. I was totally open with him about being asexual and he just shrugged it off, especially since it's so much better all around there's not much to complain about :)