fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #1565 ]

⌈ Secret Post #1565 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 12 pages, 297 secrets from Secret Submission Post #224.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 2 3 4 - not!secrets ], [ 1 2 3 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 3 - too big ], [ 1 2 3 4 5 6 - repeat ], [ 1 - ships it ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

37. http://s7.tinypic.com/35lb3x3.png

pssst:

troll "romance" is not anywhere close to human polyamory

it is not healthy and you should probably not pursue it

I'm not convinced that polyamory is a thing you "are." It's not like homosexuality, y'know? Being gay is a thing you are, being poly is a choice you make.

And, like, it's a perfectly fine choice. Go nuts!

But I do think a more honest way of stating this secret would've been "Homestuck made me realize I wanted the freedom polyamory affords."

Also I assume you don't mean you're going to like go out and start looking for your kismesis or whatever. Because yeah that's probably not super healthy.

Some people are naturally polygamorous. They don't feel jealous. That's the big problem with polyamory: while most people like having multiple lovers (as the statistics on cheating and adultery show), they don't like their partners doing the same.

It's funny you should say that, because while I would never self-identify as polyamorous, I do not in fact get jealous, and as a result, my partner has another partner; however, my partner does not share my lack of jealously, so I remain functionally monogamous.

But I guess that's neither here nor there.

That... makes no sense. Not being jelous =/= polyamorous. I don't identify as Poly, but I don't get jelaous.

... no. No no no no no.

Being poly is a perfectly valid identity. A lot of people are monogamous; they can only envision relationships with one person, and the idea of more seems unnatural to them. I hope an actual poly individual steps up to explain, because while I have polyamorous tendencies, my sexuality tends to be a mire of confusing bramble, and I'm more a fine blend of the two than exclusively mono or polyamorous so I probably won't explain this perfectly... But no, polyamory is a valid feeling, usually as a result of someone viewing sexuality and romance differently from a monoromantic person. It's more than jealousy. Believe it or not, you can be polyamorous and still get jealous.

To use myself as an example: I am a very... amorous person. I am not naturally emotionally monogamous. I don't have a specific feeling that distinguishes my romantic love from platonic love, and the only thing that changes my relationships from platonic to romantic is the physical or emotional reciprocation of the person in question. Now, I could be just as happy in a relationship with one person as I would be with two people; it's how I'm wired. It's not a choice, it's how I think. Some people literally cannot handle the idea of being attached to any more than one person, and that's how their brains work.

Just like people's brains will prefer one sex or gender over the other, or both; it's an orientation.

As you say, it's a perfectly valid identity. But there's nothing about it that leads me to conclude that it's anything other than a series of choices. I don't think there's such a thing as a naturally polyamorous person who lives a lie by remaining monogamous—I'm sure there are people that would claim that to be their situation, but I don't find it a convincing line of reasoning.

I also don't think there's anything particularly intrinsic about monogamy, for what it's worth. I think the two terms are both labels that we use to describe particular behaviors, and what you "are" depends entirely on what you do, not how you feel.

Also, I understand that you have to reason to believe me, but nevertheless: I am not just talking out of my ass, here.

But in any case, I guess we're just going to have to agree to disagree.

I understand what you mean by monogamy and polyamory being behaviors -- I would call them relationship styles, myself. But while those are things you do, I think most people gravitate towards one or the other based on how they feel and what's natural for them, which means they can also be reflections of who they are.

I don't think there's such a thing as a naturally polyamorous person who lives a lie by remaining monogamous—I'm sure there are people that would claim that to be their situation, but I don't find it a convincing line of reasoning.

... and here I come to call bullshit. Just because you don't experience it yourself does not mean you get to tell others how they feel. I'm polyamorous - I'm in a monogamous relationship with someone I love, however, there are other people I love in the same way, but there is no way I can admit that to my SO or any one else. None of the people I know would accept that I'm anything other than wanting to have my cake and eat it too, including my SO, amazing as they are. The same way they write off my bisexuality as 'oh, (anon)'s just greedy for sex with anyone.'

(inb4 'get new friends, anon' - not so easy as all that and they're great people otherwise)

Anyway, if you can give me a valid reason why you can just dismiss my experiences as a choice I make I'll be very impressed. I didn't fucking choose to feel like this.

I have no idea what this secret is about, but the image makes me think of the Square of Opposition.

I sincerely hope it's supposed to.

Nope; it's just Homestuck (http://www.mspaintadventures.com). The aliens in that series have an odd concept of romance.

which is kind of funny since there's not actually any polyamory (in the sense that we, as human beings, would define it) in homestuck, within each quadrant most of the trolls seem to be pretty rigidly monogamous

but it's cool that homestuck led you to realize stuff about yourself though :3

I can just imagine Karkat's face as he sees some confused human thinking they can feel troll romance.

[ SECRET POST #1565 ]

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