[ SECRET POST #1574 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #1574 ⌋


Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 07 pages, 173 secrets from Secret Submission Post #225.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 3 - too big ], [ 1 - repeats ], [ 1 - unreadable ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: correct me if I'm wrong but

[(Anonymous)]

I dunno, if you're giving oral sex, say, it might not please your body particularly much but you might like it because of the fact that your partner is enjoying it.

(Note: general "you," and I also realize that isn't everyone's experience of oral sex.)

I do get what you're saying, but I can see the other point of view too.

Re: correct me if I'm wrong but

[(Anonymous)]

Nah, I get that. I just wouldn't want anyone to go down on me if they weren't enjoying it.

Re: correct me if I'm wrong but

[(Anonymous)]

When you put it that way, neither would I.

Somehow I can easily see being the asexual person wanting to please the partner but I'd feel really guilty being the partner.

But then again it isn't me so I don't really know.

Re: correct me if I'm wrong but

[(Anonymous)]

This. This is the part about the whole asexuality argument I don't get, they they are somehow being some sort of martyr for giving their partner sex even if they don't enjoy it.

Treating sex like a chore is going to make your partner feel shitty. Shitty for feeling like they are forcing you to have sex for their own enjoyment, and that you're getting nothing out of it in return. How can such a relationship be healthy?

"Well, yeah, honey, I *guess* I'll have sex with you. You just get off while I lay here like a cold fish, because I'm asexual and don't get anything from it. Was it good for you?"

Sounds like a great relationship to me.

(Call me a troll if you wish, but I'm being serious here)

Re: correct me if I'm wrong but

[(Anonymous)]

(and yes, I know the secret maker said that this is somehow possible, and maybe I just don't see it because I'm not a part of the lifestyle, but I really cannot see how an asexual person and a sexual person could have sex without some sort of mental issues (guilt, perceived coercion, inadequacies, etc.) involved. Yeah, I get that people love one another, but I just see too much room for conflict if the sexual person abstains from sex to try and please the asexual person while the asexual person tries to give the sexual partner sex without getting fulfilled by it. Sorry, just does not compute.)

Re: correct me if I'm wrong but

[(Anonymous)]

NA

There has to be an openness about sex in any relationship. Partners are rarely going to have exactly the same level of interest/need for sex, but I can't see it working if they're too far apart. The only marriage I've seen between an asexual and a sexual who winds up being celibate is.... yeeeesh. It isn't fair to either party.

I've got a fairly low sex drive, but after a year of no sex while in a relationship, I know very well I need it and will make that known with my partners. It's not the top priority as far as what I look for in a relationship, but it's still a necessary component. And I sure as hell don't want a partner who just humors me with it.

Re: correct me if I'm wrong but

[(Anonymous)]

"And I sure as hell don't want a partner who just humors me with it."

QFMFT.

Don't get me wrong, I have no issues with people of different lifestyles, and if they can get a relationship like this to work, more power to them. I find it much more realistic for two asexual people to be able to have a healthy, functioning relationship where they love each other and are romantic but there's the understanding of little to no sex involved, than people from two completely different lifestyles trying to shoehorn each other into their separate lifestyles. Sorry, sometimes love just doesn't conquer all, and that goes for anything, not just orientation.

Semi-related story: I almost got involved with a guy several years ago, until he had the forethought to share with me that: a.) he never wants to have kids, and b.) he believes in open relationships. Say what you want about his lifestyle choices, I certainly don't judge him for them, but we were able to make the informed, adult decision that we have different ideas on relationships and family and that any serious relationship between us would end in total disaster. We're still great friends to this day, as a matter of fact, because we were able to recognize very early on that we wouldn't work as a couple. He didn't expect me to be OK with the fact that we could have partners other than each other, just as I didn't expect him to be OK with procreating.