[ SECRET POST #1577 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #1577 ⌋


Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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TRIGGER WARNING FOR RAPE

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 044 secrets from Secret Submission Post #225.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 1 2 - repeats ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom.livejournal.com]

35. http://i51.tinypic.com/2qu5daq.png

[(Anonymous)]

That happens with a lot of people when they get a new b/f or g/f. And most of the time the person will start spending more time with you again after getting over the initial "OMG NEW RELATIONSHIP" feelings.

<3 Hang in there, OP, I know it's hard.

[herongale]

Maybe your insecurities got exhausting? If you've been holding on to them for a long time and still get worked up about being left behind, perhaps this is the best-- for the both of you. Maybe she needed some time off and maybe you need to learn to be less clingy and possessive.

Think about it.

[ceruleansan.livejournal.com]

what makes you think OPs clingy and possessive and doesn't have a valid reason for feeling left out? I know all the cool people with "omg liiives" can't be tamed but wut with the extremes. Sounds like projection.

[herongale]

That's why I said "maybe." I really have no idea what the OP's situation is, but this sort of scenario is not exactly uncommon. She says herself that she's possessive and oversensitive, after all. Maybe it's projecting of me to identify more with the friend in this scenario than with her, since it's true I've had possessive friends and have found them exhausting, to the point of eventually dropping them as friends. But so what if I'm projecting? I have a perspective I want to share, so I'm sharing it.

No matter what her reasons are, it is valid for her to feel left out. That is exactly what is happening, so why shouldn't she feel left out?

However, if her friend is simply being selfish and insensitive there's really nothing she can do to fix things other than hope that the friend changes. That sort of "wait and see" approach is all very well but it is also quite passive. If she wants to be proactive and make an attempt at fixing this, the only person whose behavior in this that she CAN change is her own. It's honestly better for her if she's been the one who has been making mistakes here, because that means there's something she can change, and I think it increases her odds that she'll be able to hold on to the friendship over the long run.

Only the secret's OP can decide if my questions and suggestions apply to her or not, but if we can't speculate at all, why bother having these secrets open to commenting to begin with?

[mutantjules.livejournal.com]

they're in the honeymoon phase, OP. it'll pass. soon your friend will figure out how to balance the new boyfriend and friends =)

[demishock.livejournal.com]

I hope the others who commented are right and it's just a temporary thing, OP. My best friend (of four years, at the time) back in high school got a boyfriend senior year and couldn't stand to be away from him for more than 10 seconds at a time. I would try to make plans with just her and me, she'd bring him along without asking if it was okay, and it just turned into a big uncomfortable mess. Eventually, when I tried to point out that I wanted to hang out with HER, not her-and-her-boyfriend, she accused me of not being supportive enough of their relationship and, essentially, dumped me. I wouldn't wish that whole scenario on anyone. :/ But if it does, know you're not alone.

The only advice I can think of to give you is to try to give the new couple some space for a little while and then reach out with a, "Hey, I miss you, we should hang out!" of some kind and go from there.

[(Anonymous)]

I have two best friends and we've known each other since we were little kids. They both have boyfriends and there were times that I felt they basically dumped me for their boyfriends. It used to upset me A LOT, because my friends mean the world to me. Initially, I turned to my fandom friends and it really helped me cope with feeling abandoned. Eventually, like all fandoms, fandom drama came around, and my group of fandom friends all kind of drifted apart. My IRL best friends were still gaga over their boyfriends, but I was honest with them to a certain extent. I just kept saying, "Wow, we haven't seen each other in so long," whenever we did finally get together. Funnily, I used to spend a lot of time talking about my fandom friends and just a few months ago, one of my IRL friends told me that he felt like I was replacing him and our other friend with my fandom friends. It was on a night we were trying to be as honest as possible. I even told them that I agreed. I felt abandoned by them since their lives revolved around their boyfriends, and that wasn't really a bad thing cuz you know, they do have their own lives, but I did feel like they didn't seem to care about me as much, as if I could easily step back from their lives and jump back in when it was convenient for THEM because, you know, I am the single one so I am NEVER busy with anything. Most things are sorted out now. We know we can't see each other every weekend/every four days anymore, and I have come to really cherish the time I spend with the two of them. Every now and then I get peeved that someone's boyfriend kind of ruins the plans we've made, but I tend to shrug it off.
Just hang in there, OP. Be honest, but don't try to get too confrontational about it. I think the only reason why my friends and I didn't get into a shouting match and crying all hard because we were at a person's house and everyone but me (and secretly, my girl best friend) was rolling on X (stupid story that still pisses me off). Not saying you need to put yourself in a situation like that, haha, but when you do get to really just sit down and talk about your feelings. Or maybe your friend will eventually get over her "OMG Boyfriend and I are like ONE," phase. A few other friends have done that, and most have eventually learned to balance between boyfriend and friends...but don't let her continually get away with hanging out with you only cuz her boyfriend is out with his boys or they got into a fight and she needs someone there to listen to her bitch, and all your time spent with said friend is so she can talk about her boyfriend.

[zoey-says.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry OP, but unfortunately it happens. Especially if they just started dating. I don't know anyone who did not want to spend all their time with a new girlfriend/boyfriend. :/ It might get better after the honeymoon phase is over. Maybe. Depends on how you've acted during all this tbh. You say you're happy for them, but that you're also "weirdly possessive." Because honestly, as long as they're together you will have to share your time with your friend and a lot of the time you'll be put 2nd.