[ SECRET POST #1580 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #1580 ⌋


Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 09 pages, 213 secrets from Secret Submission Post #226.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 2 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - hit/ship/spiration ], [ 0 - omgiknowthem ], [ 0 - take it to comments ], [ 1 2 - repeats ]
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments and concerns should go here.

Comments

[vivalana.livejournal.com]

Solid point, but again, perhaps the financial security and the "freedom" to live in relative isolation in exchange for living with an emotionally manipulative nastyfuck destroyer of self-esteem is fair trade for the anon. Gothel is definitely abusive and I'll never say that what she did wasn't that bad, but again, the anon is making the (hypothetical) call for her own life, not anyone else's.

[baaing-tree.livejournal.com]

I admit, I can't imagine wanting something so badly I'd be willing to tolerate abuse for it, and I still can't see a trade like that as anyone's "ideal."

I kinda know someone who made a trade like that, and she's fucking MISERABLE. How she lives might be an ideal in some people's world... but it's hell in mine. And it sure doesn't seem to be working out for her either.

[kallanda-lee.livejournal.com]

Hmm, ueah but we're assuming someone who has always known this to be the situation and considering it to be fairly normal. I can totally see how staying would feel "safer" than actually going out into the unknown...

[(Anonymous)]

Oh definitely, they would feel safer staying in. That's part of what abuse does - that's why abused and battered wives stay with their abusive husbands, etc etc. It's incredibly hard to leave, the abuser breaks you down. But it's not healthy at all to stay - and I think fandom should draw the line at being permissive of blatantly mentally unhealthy behaviors like that. Not to say we should shame it - not at all, because there's already too much shaming of victims and the abused going on. But it shouldn't be excused or supported as someone making a rational lifestyle choice - there is nothing rational there.

[kallanda-lee.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm not saying it's healthy at all.

But the OP is getting criticized for saying they'd stay...and I just wanted to convey that I can totally see how that would happen, how you'd stay in situations that are ultimately unhealthy because a) you don't know any different and b) the leap out seems even worse. More so even if the abuse is subtle and you can rationalize it to yourself. There's the I'll-punch-you-a-black-eye abuse, which is of course horrible, but there's also the mentally-breaking-down abuse which is much more insidious and hard to spot and easier to go unnoticed.

So I agree with you totally that it's not a "lifestyle" choice, it's just the shaming people who were blind to it or didn't feel strong enough to leave that I'd oppose to. It gets more complicated because some of these people who exhibit there manipulative behaviour were abused themselves, so they also do not know different, and it becomes a very hard circle to break. But I think we're pretty much on the same page here, anon.

[vivalana.livejournal.com]

It certainly wouldn't work out for myself. I am an introvert who is unusually paranoid. My parents raised me to believe there could be strangers on every street corner looking to drag me away, and my dad still likes to walk into my room with the latest newspaper article about a woman who was raped and murdered, for my own good. He doesn't understand why I get so angry when he does this!

Even still, I couldn't live like Rapunzel. I have to force myself to go outside and shop or something, or else I get become unhappy. Work or school, anything that forces me out of the house, is necessary for me.

[(Anonymous)]

Hahah oh god my last room-mate was raised just like you. My advice: get away from it and normalize as soon as possible, because holy shit is it insufferable to be around.

Also, that thing your dad does with the newspaper actually feeds into some super unhealthy rape culture stuff. You see, most people take that tactic and scare the crap out of their daughters. This causes many women to gorw up and being incredibly uncomfortable walking around alone, and it shows in their body language, demeanor, etc. Rapists and muggers have all said, time and again, they target victims who have already chosen themselves as victims - the people on the street who clearly lack confidence and will fold without a fight. Teaching women that they're destined to be victims just contributes to the fact that one day they will be.

The solution to this is to teach women confidence. Teach them good self-defense, how to be aware of their surroundings, the correct ways to deal with these situations, etc. I honestly suggest these things for you too.

[(Anonymous)]

This is the stupidest, most condescending comment I've ever seen on F!S.

For real, you just did exactly what your roommates and the other user's fathers did, you just TOLD THEM that they are more likely to be raped than anyone else and on top of that, you condescendingly told them the ~normalize~ which they already SAID in the comment that they were trying to do. You are an idiotic piece of work, jfc.