[ SECRET POST #1580 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #1580 ⌋


Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 09 pages, 213 secrets from Secret Submission Post #226.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 2 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - hit/ship/spiration ], [ 0 - omgiknowthem ], [ 0 - take it to comments ], [ 1 2 - repeats ]
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments and concerns should go here.

Comments

[ecoerrante.livejournal.com]

Honestly, OP, if they ditched you like that, then chances are they probably weren't as invested in the friendship as you were to begin with. I'm not saying that it makes the situation suck any less, but most of the time people don't completely ditch their bff just because a shiny new friend showed. Though, I do have to ask: Is this a recent thing? If so, have you tried talking to your friend and letting them know that you feel like they're ditching you? If you haven't then...it might be a good idea to try it. They might not even realize that's what is going on.

If you have and that hasn't changed anything, then the hard fact is that friendships - like every other relationship - are two way streets. If one person doesn't want to remain friends with the other, then it's not going to work whatever that one person does to try to maintain it. In those situations it might very well be best to let it go so that it can end on a pleasant note. I know that it might not be what you want to hear, or do, but trying to keep a one sided friendship alive is not a good idea. It can lead to resentment on both sides, and potentially, one sided taking advantage of the other.

tl;dr: If you haven't brought this up to you're friend, it would be a good idea to try, just in case they haven't noticed. If you have then...well. It'd probably be the best to let the friendship drift and/or end on a pleasant note, instead of trying to maintain a one-sided friendship.

[(Anonymous)]

This is a really good comment. I honestly bet that, in a lot of these 'my best friend left me' secrets, the person being left has never discussed it with the person at hand, who may not realize that's what it seems on the other side.

Nerdy fannish types like ourselves can sometimes fall prey to sort of obsessive BFF relationships, where the BFF is treated almost like a husband/wife, with that level of importance/devotion. Then, maybe the BFF decides to broaden their horizons, make more friends, etc, and then people like the OP are left feeling abandoned because they are no longer this person's only and most important friend. The thing to realize is, just because someone is getting MORE friends doesn't mean you can't be their friend too, and that they don't consider you theirs.

This happened to me and my best friend in high school, actually. We spent all our time together, watched anime obsessively together, and just generally were big dorky fans. But she decided she'd like a more balanced life, joined a sports team, made more friends. Instead of me being happy for her doing what she wanted, I became jealous and upset that she was spending less time being a nerdy shut-in with me. But when I think back, she never actually stopped talking to me, I basically stormed away from that friendship like a big fanbrat. She was incredibly confused - on her side, she was just trying to expand her horizons and make more friends, not devalue our friendship. For years I attested that she had 'abandoned' me, but then I realized that I was the one who walked away from that relationship. I grew up, became more secure in myself and realized that my friends can have other friends and it's ok. It doesn't make our friendship any less special, and it's selfish of me to expect any person to give of all of themselves like that.