I've written before on f!s about how I spent most of my adolescence in crushing shame over one of my kinks, which is very homophobic in nature; it made me feel like a "bad queer" and a traitor to queer liberation. I'm not trying to compare modern homophobia to the Holocaust, but...hating myself for that kink did nothing to help me, did nothing to stop homophobia from existing, and, most importantly, did nothing to make the kink disappear. If anything, it only made the kink stronger, more obsessive, and harder to suppress.
Seriously, it is strange for you to say, "oh, I'm so sorry someone called you a horrible person," and then proceed to say shit like:
I live in a world where a stranger's ability to get off on something that hurts me is more important to some people- people I've liked and trusted, for that matter- than my ability to live my life without feeling like people out there really hate people like me.
Because that is exactly what you're doing here, kink- and slut-shaming. Do you know how many times I've read that bolded part practically word-for-word? Like anyone fucking decides what they get off to. No really, I just feel like having an orgasm that will hurt your feelings today! I love when other people feel despised! That's sekritly why I'm a feminist, donchaknow.
(And it totally erases the Jewish people with Nazi fetishes, the POC into race play, etc. "My way of dealing with my oppression is okay, but you are not allowed to deal with your oppression in a way I find upsetting.")
And yeah, someone with the same kink who is not queer, Jewish, a rape victim, a POC, etc. is ookier. But I have long since stopped being angry at anyone solely for having an offensive fetish (and not their behaviour or actual opinions), because I know damn well what it's like to have one and not be able to get rid of it. IME, sexuality is driving down a one-way street with no brakes and no reverse, so yelling "stooooop iiiiit," is fucking worthless.
And maybe it's easier to blame and shame someone for their kink than it is to admit the frightening reality that oppression and hate get deep into our consciousness without our permission, consent or control, and that has nothing to do with the kind of people we are, or the desire to hurt others, etc.... But just because it's the easier thing to do doesn't make it the right thing to do.
II
Seriously, it is strange for you to say, "oh, I'm so sorry someone called you a horrible person," and then proceed to say shit like:
I live in a world where a stranger's ability to get off on something that hurts me is more important to some people- people I've liked and trusted, for that matter- than my ability to live my life without feeling like people out there really hate people like me.
Because that is exactly what you're doing here, kink- and slut-shaming. Do you know how many times I've read that bolded part practically word-for-word? Like anyone fucking decides what they get off to. No really, I just feel like having an orgasm that will hurt your feelings today! I love when other people feel despised! That's sekritly why I'm a feminist, donchaknow.
(And it totally erases the Jewish people with Nazi fetishes, the POC into race play, etc. "My way of dealing with my oppression is okay, but you are not allowed to deal with your oppression in a way I find upsetting.")
And yeah, someone with the same kink who is not queer, Jewish, a rape victim, a POC, etc. is ookier. But I have long since stopped being angry at anyone solely for having an offensive fetish (and not their behaviour or actual opinions), because I know damn well what it's like to have one and not be able to get rid of it. IME, sexuality is driving down a one-way street with no brakes and no reverse, so yelling "stooooop iiiiit," is fucking worthless.
And maybe it's easier to blame and shame someone for their kink than it is to admit the frightening reality that oppression and hate get deep into our consciousness without our permission, consent or control, and that has nothing to do with the kind of people we are, or the desire to hurt others, etc.... But just because it's the easier thing to do doesn't make it the right thing to do.