fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #1680 ]

⌈ Secret Post #1680 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 05 pages, 102 secrets from Secret Submission Post #240.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - hit/ship/spiration ], [ 0 - omgiknowthem ], [ 0 - take it to comments ], [ 0 - repeats ]
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

It just makes me want to cry, except I don't really know how & feel too pathetic when I do to ever feel its okay to do it. Its like I'm so pathetic for feeling like this so crying about it would just make me feel even more pathetic, even tho I know that's not rational.

everyone always says "it gets better" & I just don't know. College was better than HS & working is better than college, but it still all sucks. I'm not suicidal or anything I just... am so tired of always being HERE. its like everyone else of my friends has found someone, even if just for a few years or something, & I dont even get that. Ive dated & stuff but never something deep.

sorry, I'm rambleing & as much as I love all this support from anons/strangers, it just makes it all more real how much this isnt happening & depressing me.

It sounds like you're doing what I've done my whole life, falling into the mentality that crying about it means you're weak and you should feel embarrassed... but if you DON'T allow yourself to be sad and cry you don't grieve, and you don't recover and become stronger for enduring the pain in the first place. I've only recently realized that this was a lot of my own problem. So you know, get somewhere where you're going to be safe from not only others, but yourself, and let it out. If you need somebody to tell you it's okay to cry then I will. It's okay.

Things seem really repetitive and hopeless right now, and I'm sorry it looks that way. But they do get better. You need to believe that because it's words worth believing in, for the sake of believing in ANYTHING even when there's nothing else to hang on to. It has to get better, after all. The only absolute "never going to change" is death. So try to focus on the good things around you. One of them is that you have a wonderful friend worth being attached to.

And you know, there's nothing wrong with loving her. You just need to come to terms with the fact that it isn't going to be anything more. Loving her won't hurt her, or you, if you can find comfort in the idea that loving her isn't some cruel, horrible thing. Because it's not. It's what it is and you didn't mean for it to happen. Just get the grieving out of your system and tell yourself its going to be okay, because it is. Maybe not right now, but it will get better. I promise.

I dont know if I can even do that, but its good advice & I appreciate it & plan to reread this comment a few more times over the next few days, when things get stupid. I think life is pretty good, actually. Its not great. It could be way better, & I know having someone like her in my life would make eveything brighter & more optimistic & inspire me in great ways & give me so much motivation I dont have right now, but life isn't bad. I have good, true friends, a job [not a great one but a job], a roof over my head, sweet pets that love me, decent parents, a computer & a car & internet & so on. I'm usually an upbeat, positive person. I'm not a sad sink of depression that she'd oviously want to avoid or anything. I just... am tired of getting so close & never further. Its not her fault or mine, but its just sad.

but your last pareagraph is really true & spot on. I feel pathetic loving someone who doesn't love me back, even tho I didn't plan for it to happen & want only the best for her. I know the best way to get over her is to refocus my attention on someone else, but I just can't get over her. It hinders my ability to look for other partners, because I measure them all up to her and none compare. I've mentally comitted to her in my head & so looking at other people is also weirdly like cheating on her, as stupid as that is. Sometimes I think the only way to get over her is to just not talk to her for several months, but the thought of that makes me heart hurt too much to ever do, too.

I'm sure eventually time will make it better, I'm just hurting & bitter right now that I have to wait for time to heal my pains again instead of exciting plotting our future together

I don't know if the best way to get over someone is to jump to another person. I'm guilty of it myself so augh. I know you're SUPPOSED to grieve and start fresh, but gah. Gah. "Gah" all around. I feel you, I do.

Think of it like deep cleaning your cabinets or something. You have to tear everything down and mess it all up before you can reorganize it all and place everything where you want it. It's harder to destroy what you had already but it's safer than hiding the old items (or in this case, feelings) by covering them with something new. Because hiding them means they may show back up later. :/ Easier to pull them down and discard them, even if it's hard to part with them.

Also pah, are you me? Seriously. Ouch.

It's not fair to me or another partner for me to date someone else as a way to get over her, but part of me thinks it'd work. If I could refocus on someone local and begin to redirect my feelings, even if that relationshipd din't ultimately work, I think it'd do a lot toward helping me get over her. Its like, at the point where I go to the store & look at things nad think ''she'd like that'' & wnat to buy it for her as a present or something. I've stopped doing it [not that I ever did it a whole lot before], but having someone else to think about & buy those things for instead would help. It's dumb, but it's the only soluation I can think of, and maybe it'd work, evne if it's not fair. Of course, although I've dated a litlte since her, nothing has remotely panned out. I don't know if it's beause of my feelings for her already are so strong & maybe the othe rperson can sense it or just bad luck. Of course youre right I could date someone & think I'm over her and then old habits come back. I sometimes worry I'll be that creepy person still in love with someone from 20 years ago. She's that kind of girl. Part of me thinks I'll get over her, eventually, but always love her. Its like... unless she fucks up royally somehow, how can I not?

I just dont know. part of me wants to just have her confirm that never in a million years would she ever date me & to stop thinking about it, there are too many idfferences and obstacles & she's not willing to try because then I could relaly get the NO HOPE ITS OVER thru my head but the other half doesn't want to bring it up for the slim, reidiculous hope that maybe, just somehow, if I don't push it or force it and it gets enough time to grow and nuture on its own, she'll be willing to give it a try. It's just like... probably two years from now, if ever &... god I want to be like, two years into a relationship form now you know, not just starting one... I'm too old for this bullshit. :( She's worth waiting for, to be sure, I just... wish things were recirocal.

Well, mine told me in every way she could that it would never happen in the history of ever and I still have feelings regardless. It's better though, because I've told her and I understand that she doesn't feel mad at me or view me as a monster or something. Knowing she doesn't hate me for it is a lot of comfort. It'll never be what I wanted but hey, you know, what I wanted in the first place was a close friend and I already mastered that. n_n So I'm trying to look at it that way.

Like, I don't know if I'll ever stop feeling like I do towards her but talking to her about it made me feel much better. Just knowing my feelings were heard and taken for what they were and not thrown back at me with anger. I mean it's not like she'd WISH for this to be happening to me.

Try to ease yourself down from that hope, hun. A no is a no. Remind yourself that. You're high in the clouds right now and your fall is going to hurt more and more the longer you fly upwards. :/ Cushion yourself with what comfort you can.

[ SECRET POST #1680 ]

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