Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2011-08-20 04:00 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2011-08-20 04:00 pm
[ SECRET POST #1691 ]
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 13 pages, 314 secrets from Secret Submission Post #242.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 2 3 - broken links ], [ 1 2 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 - too big ], [ 1 - repeats ]
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments and concerns should go here.
no subject
(Though it's more my family who have made me feel guilty for that want. Fandom's been pretty supportive.)
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(Anonymous) 2011-08-20 09:26 pm (UTC)(link)no subject
The one time I actually opened up to a member of my family, telling them I have this vision of being able to walk down a beach with my shirt off and trunks on, that it was a stupid fantasy to have and if I ever acted on it I'd have my inheritance cut off. This family member also was of the opinion that my mother had specifically raised me to become a lesbian.
My mother thinks that my gender dysphoria has always been there (correct!), but she thinks it was in-utero exposure to lead that caused it (uh what), and thus blames herself. She knows I bind, but thinks that this is due to self-hatred rather than identifying as another gender. She used to beat me for tensions to do with this, my inability to have a normal social life because of my discomfort with my assigned gender, and school.
My father thinks it's a joke and is largely oblivious.
So... my feelings about my gender are taken seriously for the most part, but I'm made to feel like a girl-who-is-a-freak for them, and threatened to keep my silence about which sort of pronouns I'd prefer. You are not stupid for doing what you can to be more masculine (or as femme as you'd want. I'm kind of a girly guy tbqh) and never let anyone convince you that you are, in fandom or out of it. *hug of respect*
BTW, I know you were called out on the phrasing of the words 'wanting to be a boy', but I have to say as another transguy I know what you mean. I don't feel like a guy without testosterone (which I have no access to) so I feel like sort of in-between, with only that 'want' tugging me in the direction I'd like to go. I'm still getting used to referring to myself with the correct pronoun, but for the longest time I was a girl who wanted to be a boy. It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize what that meant.
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(Anonymous) 2011-08-21 05:41 pm (UTC)(link)Yeah, my stepmother told me that I'm a girl and always will be a girl, and laughed in my face when I said I plan to transition. She's also told me that cutting my hair would make me look stupid because everyone would know I was trying to look like a boy and think I was an idiot, that I'm stupid for buying male clothes and bodyspray, and she won't let me bind because she's insistent that it will give me breast cancer.
And yeah, my dad's pretty similar; he's said he'll MAYBE take it seriously if I'm still saying the same thing in a couple of years, but when I pointed out that I've felt this way for a couple years and just hadn't come out he dismissed that, so I'm not exactly hopeful. He's also said he doesn't want me trying to get any sort of referral to a gender clinic or anything while I'm living with them.
Both of them have totally ignored what I told them about wanting them to at least try using male pronouns and my preferred name, which... well, it wouldn't even bother me if in public or with their relatives they used female pronouns and my given name, seeing as how A) I don't exactly pass, and B) I'm not really out to very many people, but they make no effort to even try in private. Despite the fact that even if it WERE a phase, like they say, it wouldn't exactly be really damaging for them to have called me by a male name for a little while, and if/when they finally accepted that it's not then at least they'd have a little practice with it.
I certainly get what you mean about being made to feel like a freak girl rather than a guy. There was a thing I read a while ago and I'll try to get back to you with a link if you're interested that talked about how - especially if we're young - transmen are played off as being an example of a 'hysterical woman' rather than actually being guys who are born with female genitalia, and that's probably a pretty good summing up of how people irl have reacted to me coming out, I think. I'm pretty effem myself, and I've had that used against me as evidence for why I totally can't REALLY feel like a man, to the point that I find myself trying to be more masculine just to shut them up, even though I'm not comfortable with trying to be incredibly masculine either.
Thank you for that! I'm mostly used to referring to myself with male pronouns and calling myself a man, but at the same time I don't get a lot of opportunities to actually do that irl, and sometimes doubts do slip in and you do end up wording things in the wrong way.
no subject
I've had short hair going on six years now, and I look loads better with it off. Thanks to my facial structure and glasses, I've been called 'Harry Potter' for years. I'm lucky in that I both like my name, and that it's unisex (looking to change my middle name with a minimum of fuss). Your step-mom sounds like a git. How much longer do you have to live with them? Do you have college coming up?
Well, I can't find anything about binding causing breast cancer, but I can't find anything to disprove that (probably panic-based) factoid. Breast cancer is such a crapshoot anyway, that you might as well spend your time enjoying your life the way you want to, and keep on top of doctor's appointments to ensure that you have more of it to enjoy.
My father was puzzled by the contents of my grocery shopping when we went last time (tampons, a cheap pack of boxers, and a can of Axe), but seemed to blink and mentally move on after a few questions. He's very British in that way.
I DON'T PASS AT ALL EITHER (especially not on the phone. my voice is gruff but squeaky. testosterone where are you). NOT-PASSING BUDDIES. I dress masculinely but very easily emote my feelings and when I dork out, i do it with windmilling arms and prancing about like a loon. Other than that, though, I'm very much like my father in my interests and personality. So I'd be a rather bookish sort of pseudo-intellectual enthusiastic nerdlinger, if I ever start passing. It's a happy vision of the future for me.
I'd love to see that article! On a related note, I recently heard a clip of one of my favorite comedians referring to Thomas Beatie as 'a woman having a breakdown', which made me fucking pissed, until I realized that at the time he made the comment, I probably would have agreed with him, thanks to my narrowminded upbringing. If I've managed to improve my own perspective in that time period, I think I can allow other people the time to become better informed.
My problem with my own pronouns are referring to myself in the past tense or through another person's POV in an anecdote. IT IS HARD AND CONFUSING.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2011-08-24 04:37 am (UTC)(link)shit, op. my sympathies. my mother and childhood were very similar to yours. i wish you the best. <3