fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #1691 ]

[ SECRET POST #1691 ]

⌈ Secret Post #1691 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 13 pages, 314 secrets from Secret Submission Post #242.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 2 3 - broken links ], [ 1 2 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 - too big ], [ 1 - repeats ]
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Yeah, my 15 year old depressed, deeply embarrassed self was just a complete cunt who didn't deserve help :D

Pretty much. :D

It's not about wether you deserved it. It's about how it's completely understandable that people won't help someone who consistently refuses help or acts like they don't want to get better. When it comes to mental issues it's useless to help someone who puts up a fight and hurt's you in the process, because in the end they won't get better unless they're willing to try and change. It sounds like you werent willing to change or meet them half-way in which case I wouldn't have bothered wither. 15 is old enough to know that you should appreciate people's help.

FYI: Shut up. You are a) jumping to a lot of conclusions when you were given one sentence of information and b) ignorant so c) sign in next time you want to try and tear someone down because d) it's not working :D

[Oh and e) as I said above to someone else, I'm done with this now!]

Wow, I am so sorry people are saying such ridiculous things to you. You are handling it with grace tbh. I'd guess they probably don't know what it's like to be a teenager with internalized prejudice against mental illness.

I'd guess they probably don't know what it's like to be a teenager with internalized prejudice against mental illness.

You'd be guessing wrong, but go ahead and make assumptions. It's fun how people on f_s always assume that if you have an unpopular opinion it's because you never experienced it.

It's not an unpopular opinion, sadly enough. It is a hurtful opinion. A kid's parents should always be trying to help them, wtf.

It's an unpopular opinion on f_s, yeah.

And the age of the kid doesn't matter? A 15 year old is not a child and if they refused help and didn't seem all that sick it's not rare not to help. You expect a 15-year old to ask for help if they want it.

Well, when I was fifteen I was desperately telling myself that I was just lazy and I needed to try harder, because if I had ADHD then I was a freak and there was something wrong with me. Same with my depression & anxiety. Kids are more likely to have these beliefs than adults, I think. Fifteen-year-olds in particular are desperate to conform.

People who tell us to just 'snap out of it', are ignorant and ableist. They're not being cruel on purpose, but we have a right to get upset about it. Unfortunately, f_s is not the world and people say these kinds of things to me all the time.

I'm not passing judgment on the parents, just saying the kids have the right to be upset and wish they'd gotten help when they needed it.

You seem to have a chip on your shoulder. I don't know your story and I'm sorry if I or the OP offended you.

Well, yeah, I'm not gonna lie. I get kind of angry at people who complain about people not trying hard enough to help. For two main reasons;

- I, and many of my close friends, would have done anything to have someone reach out and would never have turned away help. Hearing that someone got it handed to them on a silver platter and they turned it away pisses me off. They're old enough to know that if they want help they need to accept it from people offering.

- Secondly because I've been the person desperately trying to help someone who refused to get help. He was 15 and so was I and he hurt me so fucking bad. When he tried to kill himself he blamed me for not trying hard enough to help even when he resisted and hurt me. That's bullshit. 15 is old enough to do something. It's old enough to accept help that's being offered.

So, yeah, people are humans. So are parents. So are boy/girlfriends etc. They can only do so much. If you refuse the help that is offered to you, I think it's stupid to blame the person who offered help. It's not nice to tell someone to get over it, but if they refused to admit they had a problem/illness and they still acted whiny/emo I would have told them to get over it too.

Here's the thing: nobody is blaming people who offer help. If we're blaming anyone, it's society in general and the lack of information and ignorance that surrounds mental illness to this day.

I'm sorry about what happened to you, that's terrible. Of course it wasn't your responsibility. The relationship between two fifteen-year-olds is a lot different between a fifteen-year-old and their adult parent. The parent does have a responsibility to make certain their child gets help, same as with any other medical problem.

If a teenager refused to admit they had, say, a heart condition because they didn't want to quit their sports team, could their parent just ignore that too?

If you had no difficulty admitting you had a problem, that's wonderful for you. I did have a great deal of difficulty, and it wasn't because I was being "whiny". You're being pretty dismissive.

Also, this? 'When it comes to mental issues it's useless to help someone who puts up a fight and hurt's you in the process, because in the end they won't get better unless they're willing to try and change.' This is just stupid. It's not always about 'willingness' to try and 'change'. For me, it's about meds. And therapy. Things I wouldn't have gotten if my mother had told me I just needed to snap out of it.

Thanks (: [I've had a few completely emotionally illogical people who have tried to turn it around on me in my life, so I've learned =P]

Really I am massively confused by the whole exchange, it's this weird kind of ignornace where they're expecting people to be over the whole stigma of mental illness now because we are a more well-informed society. Except, that doesn't work.

Also, yay Nana Visitor!

Seems like F!S attracts anons with grudges, but this is seriously weird, I agree.

Yay Nana! The DS9 crew would not put up with this bullshit. ♥

Oh and hey, are you the person with the awesome icon over on _p? (I think it's Sia?) Because I always admired that icon :)

I wish I was, because I adore Sia [I just saw her in concert last month (I went last year as well), it was awesome, but also bittersweet because it was her last tour.]

I totally agree, fellow anon. :D

Because people have so much clarity and perspective when they're breaking down. I do think that there's only so much people can do, but I think you're really over-simplifying the matter with very little information.

Not to mention, this isn't just anyone they were talking about. It's their parents. There's only so much even they can do, too, but it's still all too common for even parents to run away and stop when it gets difficult, because it's easier to shove it all back on the person having the problems that a lot of people still don't conceive of as "real".

Sure. Maybe they should have tried harder. However parents are just human. If they have a child that is old enough to take care of themselves and who acts whiny/silent/sad etc and they try to help but only get shot down it's much easier to think she's just being "emo" than having a mental ilness. It's human to make mistakes. Lots of teenagers are moody. And if said teenager in addition to this refuses any help and puts up resistance I think I'd assume she was just a teenager being, well, a difficult, hormonal teenager. Especially assuming that her illness had no severe outer signs. For example; someone with severe panic attacks would be easier to spot because it looks like they can't breathe and it's really physical. Someone with a mild to moderate depression could be quite mentally ill without it ever showing. I don't think there is a big character flaw of someone's parents to not want to help someone who does not appear in dire need of help and that in addition acts childish by refusing the help offered.

someone with severe panic attacks would be easier to spot because it looks like they can't breathe and it's really physical.

My friend has severe panic attacks, sometimes very publicly. Even the people related to him tell him to "get over it", and fervently believe that it's something he can control. His depression has always been pretty severe, and sometimes I think he may have more problems than just that.

I wish I were making this up, but I am not, and again, it's really not that simple. Sometimes dealing with him isn't fun, and sometimes it makes me really mad at him even though I know it's nothing he really has any control over, but I stick by him.

He has had really unpleasant experiences with psychologists and psychiatrists alike, and his family only seems to take it seriously as a last resort for when they don't know what else to do with him. Other than that, he acts somewhat "normal" most of the time, but visible severity isn't always the biggest issue, especially if the people around you do NOT believe you.

I am willing to give the users above a lot more credit for what went unsaid as well as with what was said, and am also willing to bet that they didn't even mean their comments to be taken to this extreme to begin with.

Whatever. I think it's a character flaw for parents to just give up because someone puts up a "bit" of resistance, tbh. What I think is human is when they are at the end of their ropes, don't know what to do, and might not be able to do anything to the point where they have to withdraw for the sake of dealing with their own stress.

Maybe I just have ridiculous expectations.

Where did I ever claim it doesn't happen to people with panic attacks and similar things? Oh, wait, I didn't. What I did say is that it's more understandable to not take seriously an illness with no real outer signs. If your kid had severe panic attacks and you didn't try and help them even if you saw them lying on the ground struggling to breathe I would judge you WAY more than someone who did nothing when their teenager seemed moody or sad. That's all. Not helping someone who put up resistance when having a mental illness like depression is extremely understandable.

THANK YOU ANON.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #1691 ]

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