[ SECRET POST #1775 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #1775 ⌋


Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 10 pages, 247 secrets from Secret Submission Post #254.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 2 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 - too big ], [ 0 - hit/ship/spiration ], [ 0 - omgiknowthem ], [ 0 - take it to comments ], [ 0 - repeats ]
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments and concerns should go here.

Comments

[velvet-mace.livejournal.com]

Tell him now. You need to know he'll be cool with your hobbies before you tie the knot. It will cause all kinds of trouble otherwise.

[tabaqui]

And if he's not cool? Does she have to abandon them just to please him? So not on.

[tavalya-ra.livejournal.com]

If he's not cool with it, then she needs to know because that's a problem. It might take him a little while to warm to the idea- probably because of ignorance that fandom isn't just a bin of nutcases- but he does need to accept it.

However, I think knowing she's in fandom isn't the same as knowing everything about her fannish hobby. He doesn't have to read her fic or follow what she's doing, just accept she's spending her time doing it.

[velvet-mace.livejournal.com]

Sadly, sometimes it comes down to choosing between the hobby and the person. And that's why it absolutely has to be done before marriage.

Listen, there are women for whom looking at porn is a no-go. Really a no go. Men have to choose between their porn on the internet habits and that woman. Sometimes men choose the woman, sometimes they choose their porn, but they don't get to have both, and saying to the woman she has to suck it up and put aside her insecurities and philosophy so he can look at nakkid women doesn't go over.

Is it really such a surprise that there might be men who feel the same way?

I know for a fact that there are men out there who find fandom, specifically the slash side of it, to be intensely creepy. They have all kinds of reasons for it from being insecure with their masculinity, to having religious reasons, to having social reasons, for not wanting their S.O. to be a fandom nerd who writes guy-on-guy porn on the internet. You can argue that's wrong, but when it comes to relationships, that doesn't matter. If something is really a problem, it's going to eventually turn into a festering wound on the relationship. And it's going to cause serious problems.

The best thing to do is to make sure that isn't a problem before you commit legally to someone.

[(Anonymous)]

Judging from your comments up-thread, I really must question your trust issues. If spending time on the computer and not telling your SO exactly what you're doing is enough to "cause all kinds of trouble", maybe you need better relationships. :-/

[(Anonymous)]

Honestly? It sounds like you're the one overreacting. I'm not seeing the whole "telling your SO ~EXACTLY~ what you're doing" thing you keep harping about. It's a general-idea thing, letting your SO know that the hours you spend on the internet furiously typing away or eyes-glazed-reading is a general interest in _x_. It's not just about trust, it's about how in a working relationship, people should giving a flying fuck what their partner is interested in and showing that they care that they have interests. Conversely, it's about trusting that your partner does give that flying fuck that you have interests, and they respect that.

Look, different strokes for different folks and every relationship is different, too. Calm the fuck down.

[velvet-mace.livejournal.com]

are you the same anon?

I'm just curious.