[ SECRET POST #1775 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #1775 ⌋


Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 10 pages, 247 secrets from Secret Submission Post #254.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 2 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 - too big ], [ 0 - hit/ship/spiration ], [ 0 - omgiknowthem ], [ 0 - take it to comments ], [ 0 - repeats ]
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom.livejournal.com]

08. http://i.imgur.com/L61LT.jpg

[haleysings.livejournal.com]

Yeeeeah, I'd definitely tell them before you tie the knot. Unless you plan on abandoning everything fandom once you're married, which seems unfair to you.

Also, I love this picture. Don't know what it is, but I love it.

[(Anonymous)]

Is your SO so puritanical that you writing smut would be a big deal?

If so, you'd better say something before you get hitched.

If not, then who even cares?

[(Anonymous)]

Why should he? :\ Being married doesn't mean you have to know absolutely everything about the other person. Relax, OP.

[(Anonymous)]

If you think marriage means knowing everything about the other person and keeping no secrets, then you're not ready to get married.

[writerserenyty.livejournal.com]

Tell your SO? I mean, what's the worst that could happen. idk.

[(Anonymous)]

My girlfriend got me into fandom and role-playing and as a result our relationship [and sex life] has really improved. Let him know, he might surprise you.

[(Anonymous)]

Does anyone know where the picture is from?

[velvet-mace.livejournal.com]

Tell him now. You need to know he'll be cool with your hobbies before you tie the knot. It will cause all kinds of trouble otherwise.

[(Anonymous)]

Wouldn't you rather your SO knew what your kinks were (assuming you're into slash as a kink)? Y'know... so they could be supportive.

I know I would like to know what gets my SO off. Especially if we were engaged.

[smittenlotus.livejournal.com]

It's really not that big of a deal, OP. He's probably got his own little hobbies and habits you don't know much about. Being romantically involved with someone doesn't mean you have to tell them about every single thing you do in terms of that kind of thing.

[(Anonymous)]

Oh shit, if you tell him this dirty secret he will cancel the marriage! D:

[kasumi-sora.livejournal.com]

while you don't have to share the type of fan fic you write, anything that takes up a fair amount of time is really something you should share.

[amusesme.livejournal.com]

I don't get it. Sharing parts of yourself is supposed to the *fun* part of a relationship. He doesn't have to like ALL parts of you, but he at least has to tolerate them. Hiding them seems really stupid, in my opinion.

[stella-down.livejournal.com]

I don't see why this has to be any of her SO's business if she doesn't want it to be. fandom is a hobby. my bf plays baseball sims, and he could be making up elaborate porny stories about Jose Canseco and Tim Lincecum for all I care.

honestly, most of the people in this thread who are horrified at the idea of marrying someone without sharing 100% of your life are more than likely young and/or single. marriage is not a Vulcan mind-meld.

[nightcamedown.livejournal.com]

So what? Being in a relationship doesn't mean you cede the right to keep some details of your life private. (Knowing every single thing about the other person would also make marriage unbearably boring, IMO.) If you don't want your SO involved in your hobby that's perfectly fine, as long as you're willing to extend him or her the same courtesy.

[(Anonymous)]

NOBODY I know IRL knows I write NC-17 RPS, including my SO, whom I've been with for 5+ years.. I don't think it's a big deal. It's kind of a form of escapism for me, and I'd be sort of irritated if I was sitting at my desk typing away and he was continually asking me questions about my stories.

We are very much the sort of couple that does our own things on our own time though. Often we'll be in the same room as each other but in totally different worlds. Some people are comfortable with that sort of relationships; others aren't. If OP is somehow ashamed or disturbed by the fact that s/he's kept the secret from his/her SO, then perhaps it is a problem in their relationship.

[oroburos69.livejournal.com]

Not entirely certain why this matters at all to you. If it's private, it's private. If you want to share, then share. You could even say that you write fanfic, but not give him your pen name. He doesn't have to read it to know that you do it.

Though if you're actually scared of telling him, perhaps consider what that says about your relationship, because...dude. It's fanfic. And even if your thing is gay porn, he's probably watched lesbian porn at some point. You shouldn't be scared of what he'd think, because this isn't a big deal. It's just a fantasy. It's not like you want to watch him have sex with men, which, yes, you would definitely want to share before the 'I Dos' happened.

[(Anonymous)]

Who cares ,it's just hobby unless you plan on making money out of it I don't see why it would matter

[strike-you-out.livejournal.com]

If it's none of his/her business, who cares? Getting married doesn't mean you have to give up your personal life, destroy all boundaries and live under a microscope. In most cases, that's not how real life works anyway. You're entitled to keep things like this to yourself.

[miezen.livejournal.com]

I can see not wanting to tell him you're into slash (though tbh if he'd have a problem with it I'm not sure if it's really good to be marrying him anyway, someone who'd be judgmental of your hobbies and kinks if this is a kink for you is probably not good husband material IMO), but keeping it from him that you're involved in fandom? Why? Again, if he'd judge you for your hobbies he's probably not someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.

[dragonladyk.livejournal.com]

Mmmm. Tough call, OP.

I'd say that if you think he'd consider it a weird-ass freaky hobby but nothing more, then address it when/if the situation arises. You don't need to know every idiosyncrasy of your partner.

However, if he has some strong objection that would make fanfic a big deal (thinks homosexuality is a sin and you write slash, thinks fanfic is the devil incarnate because it violates copyright laws -- don't laugh, that last IS my brother-in-law -- or thinks porn degrades everyone who touches it, etc.), then you've got to tell him before you get married. Period. That's not a level of moral divergence you just spring on someone after you tie the knot. You may be able to compromise or you may have to choose between one or the other, but at least then you'll both know.

And I say this from experience. I once had a boyfriend who, uppon discovering I was into fantasy fiction, said that after we married I'd have to hide all my Harry Potter/dragons stuff in the back so no visitors to the house would ever see it. He "wouldn't say I couldn't have it, of course, but he didn't want anyone to think he would ever be into something that even looked like it hinted at spiritism." (Needless to say: relationship terminated.) But I'm glad I was honest about the fantasty-stuff during the dating process and gave him a chance to be a dick about it then, rather than be married and have him find out about the fic and be an even bigger dick I couldn't just dump.

And I'm very sorry if that was way too blunt, OP.

DragonLady

[(Anonymous)]

I'm married. I've never told my spouse I write dirty fanfic. So what? I know he's aware of the fact that I sometimes read it, but I've never talked about it directly. I'm aware that he looks at porn but I've never talked about it or asked for specifics, either what he watches or to see it myself. Having personal things isn't unhealthy secret-keeping. It's having personal interests and things and respecting someone's privacy. Some people consider their porn(/fanfic) private, some don't. If you do, that's not weird.

If my husband asked me outright if I wrote slash, I'd say yes, he might or might not ask which pairings (we already talk about who has chemistry in a show or movie we've both seen) and that would be the end of the discussion. People in healthy marriages trust each other, and it isn't and should not be a big deal if you don't proactively share every personal thing you do in your alone time for your own purposes. If you're not telling him because you're afraid he'll judge you or tell you to stop that's a problem, if you're not telling him simply because it's something you do for yourself, that's no big deal.

[tavalya-ra.livejournal.com]

I understand your fear. I'm lucky- I actually met my current SO through fandom, so I never had to make the choice to tell him. He already knows about all the kooky things I write and it doesn't seem to phase him. But even though I know him because of fandom, he isn't actually in fandom- he was a friend of a friend who was reading my fics and he and I started chatting about other interests. If you're engaged to your SO, you two must already have a lot of common ground. Fandom doesn't have to be one of those things for him to accept it.

[caffeinefreeddp.livejournal.com]

I don't know you or your SO, so this is not advice, just, well, my experience.

I told Mr. Ddp I wrote smut after we'd been together awhile, let him read some of it, and he thought it was a bit hot and a bit weird and, really, it's nice to have someone around to talk about fic with. Even dirty fic. So...there's that.