[ SECRET POST #1775 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #1775 ⌋


Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 10 pages, 247 secrets from Secret Submission Post #254.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 2 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 - too big ], [ 0 - hit/ship/spiration ], [ 0 - omgiknowthem ], [ 0 - take it to comments ], [ 0 - repeats ]
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments and concerns should go here.

Comments

[velvet-mace.livejournal.com]

The only way he's not going to know is if she's hiding it from him. She's going to be spending hours sitting next her computer writing and checking up on her fandom, he's going to want to know what's up. That's something you can do when you don't live together, but when you do -- your S.O. is going to wonder what the hell you are spending all your time on.

You are acting like letting someone know you are active writing and playing around in fandom is the same as telling them every little detail of your fandom life. It's not. My husband doesn't read my porn. But he damn well knows I write it. And if he wanted to, he could, he knows my LJ name.

He doesn't look over my shoulder when I talk to people on line, but he knows I talk to them on line. If I hid the fact that I was in fandom, he'd be wondering who it was that I'm spending so much time talking to. He doesn't need to know the details of my conversations (he doesn't care), but he does need to know in a general sense what I'm up to.

[(Anonymous)]

I spend HOURS on the internet while in the same room as my SO, often reading/writing porn, and he doesn't ask what I'm doing because he doesn't care. Some people don't need to know the details of their SO's hobbies. I don't really give a crap what my bf does in his free time either.

Then again, I probably don't give off an air of suspicion while I'm writing fic because I do it openly. If I was really concerned about hiding it, I'd probably be acting all shifty, snapping my laptop closed, password-protecting all my files, and generally acting like I was up to something.. THEN maybe he'd be concerned. But I'm not, because it's been established in our relationship that we can each have private hobbies about which we are not obligated to tell each other.

I'm not saying either model of relationship is the "correct" one.. just that different people have different sorts of relationships and different priorities.

[(Anonymous)]

She's going to be spending hours sitting next her computer writing and checking up on her fandom, he's going to want to know what's up. That's something you can do when you don't live together, but when you do -- your S.O. is going to wonder what the hell you are spending all your time on.

This is not a universally true statement. My SO and I have been together for several years. We will frequently spend the evening sitting near each other on our respective computers, but we both would consider it the height of rudeness to read over the other's shoulder, or to pester the other to know what they're looking at. Personal space is essential in any relationship, and that includes personal online space.

If you share all your online activities with your husband, that's great. But please don't assume that they way you've structured your relationship is the default for everyone else.

[(Anonymous)]

LOL you're such a loser sitting on your computer all evening instead of doing something TOGETHER and interacting. get a life.

[tabaqui]

HA, yeah, no.

[(Anonymous)]

LOL you're not married, are you? I've been married for 12 years and DH and I do separate things all the time, including sitting at the computer. It's called having a life. My OWN life.

[(Anonymous)]

Hello person who has clearly never had a long-term relationship.

[tavalya-ra.livejournal.com]

Because clearly nobody ever needs alone time. Sure.

[velvet-mace.livejournal.com]

If you share all your online activities with your husband, that's great. But please don't assume that they way you've structured your relationship is the default for everyone else.

See here's the exaggeration and where you are missing my point.

Knowing a persons hobbies is not the same as hovering over their shoulder. A hobby is an important part of who a person is, and as people who are closest to each other, your S.O. and you should know what each other's hobbies are.

Knowing hobbies doesn't mean hovering while she does it. Doesn't mean being involved with them. Doesn't mean knowing every little detail. I just means knowing the hobby exists and is something she enjoys. Hobbys are by definition important past times, a significant part of their life, not just something a person does randomly for a minute or two and then moves on.

The OP hasn't even shared this hobby, a hobby that's gone beyond just casually lurking to actually writing, which as a writer, I know takes a fair amount of time. It's important to who she is, therefore, he should know it exists, and she needs to know that she won't be judged poorly for having it. And she needs to do that before they marry.