case: (Default)
Case ([personal profile] case) wrote in [community profile] fandomsecrets2011-11-24 03:29 pm

[ SECRET POST #1787 ]

⌈ Secret Post #1787 ⌋


Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 40 secrets from Secret Submission Post #255.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeats ]
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments and concerns should go here.

[identity profile] yahalomay.livejournal.com 2011-11-25 04:17 am (UTC)(link)
But every partner I've had insists on it, so I guess it's the norm and I'm just uptight.

Well, I know I'm not uptight, and I don't like dirty talk either. And none of my (admittedly, not very numerous) partners have ever insisted on it. It just straight-up reminds me of all that awful "yeah do you like that, you love it, take it unff" stuff from porn. I enjoy vocal-ness/sound - "yes there", "more", "can you do x?", whatever. But the traditional dirty talk feels, like you said, fake and over-acted. I think it would utterly put me off.

Although, asking "does that feel good?" is often a line used by people in fiction/porn/life to *prompt* traditional dirty talk, so it might just be your partners trying to please *you*? :)

Although, as far as I can guess for most people in my experience, the standard response is still "it feels amazing" or "yes, but maybe you could xyz", not to spout out porn-esque absurdity. I don't know - maybe your partners all just enjoyed that sort of thing?

[identity profile] micromyni.livejournal.com 2011-11-25 07:10 am (UTC)(link)
I definitely am very uptight about sex, at least in the terms of what I like and don't. I can be tolerant, but I try to warn my partners about my little pet peeves before we go into it, and I've even established a "I like this, you like what?" I go through with people I haven't bedded before. So most of my partners are made aware of my dislike or dirty talk very early on. Sometimes they forget further into it, and that's okay. Sometimes it tells me I'm doing a good job. But I've been with one guy who blatantly refused to curb the dirty talk and started using the "you're my bitch" and "who's your daddy" routine. He was literally knocked off me and kicked off the bed. My very SPECIFIC preferences are why I don't really do one night stands unless I'm desperately horny and most of my partners have been people that I've known for more than a few months.

[identity profile] yahalomay.livejournal.com 2011-11-26 03:42 am (UTC)(link)
It sounds like you're just very open and assertive about your preferences, and not really into having to sit through (lie through) things you're not interested in. Less "uptight" and more "opinionated". Of course, identify any way you want, I just feel you're not uptight in the traditional way that's being referenced in the discussions further up (i.e. frigid).

I think it's cool that you have that conversation straight-up with your new partners, so you both know how you can best please the other, and no one accidentally does anything that makes the other person think "Well... that's a turn off". That one guy does seem like he really wasn't listening at all though!

[identity profile] micromyni.livejournal.com 2011-11-26 09:02 am (UTC)(link)
I'd like to think it's because I'm opinionated and not because I'm frigid. I'm normally very relaxed and tolerant, but intimacy is one thing I have a very low tolerance for what I will put up with that I don't like. I will put forth the effort and try things the other person likes that I'm "meh" about, but dirty talk is just one of those no-nos. It's not like I'm uncompromising! XD

Believe me, before I established that conversation I had sex a lot less often because none of them seemed to know what they were doing unless they stumbled on it by accident. So I eventually decided to cut out the searching for the sensitive bits and ask them straight out. The quality of the sex immediately improved. XD Most of the people I've bedded have had no problems with it, besides the guy mention above, of course. He turned out to have been a closet asshole, so no real loss there.