Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2012-01-06 07:18 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2012-01-06 07:18 pm
[ SECRET POST #1830 ]
⌈ Secret Post #1830 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
01.
__________________________________________________
02.
[Masterchef Australia]
__________________________________________________
03.
[Grimm]
__________________________________________________
04.
[Cracked.com]
__________________________________________________
05.
[Stargate Universe]
__________________________________________________
06.
[Skulduggery Pleasant]
__________________________________________________
07.
[Young Justice]
__________________________________________________
08.
[Chobits]
__________________________________________________
09.
[Sailor Moon, Howard Stern]
__________________________________________________
10.
[The Wonder Years/How I Met Your Mother]
__________________________________________________
11.
[Community]
__________________________________________________
12.
[Homestuck]
__________________________________________________
13.
[Nutcracker, Motion Picture]
__________________________________________________
14.
[David Archuleta]
__________________________________________________
15.
[Love Actually]
__________________________________________________
16.
__________________________________________________
17.
[itskingsleybitch]
__________________________________________________
18. [repeat]
__________________________________________________
19.
[FFVII]
__________________________________________________
20.
[Shake it Up/Bones]
__________________________________________________
21.
[Sherlock Series 1]
__________________________________________________
22.
[Pokemon]
__________________________________________________
23. [repeat]
__________________________________________________
24.
[Hatoful Boyfriend]
__________________________________________________
25.
[Wonder Woman]
__________________________________________________
26.
[James Deen]
__________________________________________________
27.
[The Iron Giant]
__________________________________________________
28.
[Code Geass]
__________________________________________________
29.
[Code Geass]
__________________________________________________
30.
[Code Geass]
__________________________________________________
31.
[Code Geass]
__________________________________________________
[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]
32. [SPOILERS for Dead Rising 2: Off The Record]
__________________________________________________
33. [SPOILERS for Skyrim]
__________________________________________________
[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]
34. [TRIGGER WARNING for rape]
__________________________________________________
35. [TRIGGER WARNING for mentions of rape]
__________________________________________________
36. [TRIGGER WARNING for rape]
__________________________________________________
37. [TRIGGER WARNING for rape]
__________________________________________________
Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #261.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2012-01-07 06:48 pm (UTC)(link)I guess the desire is founded on two central pillars of my personality. The first is that I have a fundamental obsession with viewing interpersonal relationships as powerplays, everything gets filtered through the lens of a constant assertion of social superiority and dominance, all in myriad tiny ways and subtle reinforcements. And I can’t stand to be the one who loses, the one judged as of lower standing. This intensifies itself when I have a girlfriend, because I become driven to emphasise that I’m smarter, more educated, more socially au fait, more cemented in my career goals, generally more connected, more etc. So every minute we’re together I find myself constantly being on guard, carefully calculating what I’m going to say, avoiding any screw-ups, and worst, playing off any insecurities they have to establish my position. Worse, if I perceive them to have gone too far in attacking me in some way, I will consider any retaliation kosher, and have in the past said some incredibly barbed hurtful things that I know will emotionally crush them.
This isn’t because I need the feel to have power over people, rather it’s because I find people having power over me absolutely unbearable, and this is the only real way to avoid that. This doesn’t make the collateral damage any less severe, however – I wrote a letter to an ex, that three years later when we’d become friends again, she confided to me, she’d kept onto and routinely read and burst into tears over to remind herself why we’d broken up.
The second pillar that ties strongly into this one, is that I am very, very good at reading people. I pick up on the subtlest tonal changes, looks, word choice, or body language. Imagine talking to an individual whilst they held up a dozen neon signs telling you different things about the conversation, trying to track them all, and trying to track how you compose yourself at the same time. It becomes incredibly mentally exhausting, if I spend too long with someone I want to scream from the overload. Now take into account that I spend all day working with the public and colleagues, come home, and then instantly have to comport myself as one is expected to in a relationship, right up until we’re lying together in bed, and I’m anxious about where I need to put my hands, whether I’m breathing too much, how fresh I am, if I’m moving too much, how the night has affected her perception of me, etc.
Then I have to get up and do it all again, ad nausea.
It’s just so tiring.
So the idea of someone who I didn’t have to worry about any of that with. Who I could just be myself for once in my life, who I could actually emotionally confide in with no worry. It’s just so liberating.
And yeah, I’m aware this probably isn’t super healthy and I should see a therapist.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2012-01-07 06:55 pm (UTC)(link)no subject
(Anonymous) 2012-01-07 07:47 pm (UTC)(link)I'm the bad guy, because I'm painfully aware of my flaws, and whilst I hate interacting with people, I still fundamentally like them. Whereas you're some disenfranchised misanthrope who's repeatedly attacked everyone around you for failing to meet some perfect standard.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2012-01-07 08:01 pm (UTC)(link)I don't attack anyone, by the way, and never have. I hate human interaction, but I keep my misanthropy to myself. Nobody around me knows my true feelings. You, on the other hand, actively treat people shittily, you know you treat people shittily, and you know why, but you do nothing to stop it or correct your behavior. That is why you're a fucking asshole.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2012-01-07 10:47 pm (UTC)(link)no subject
(Anonymous) 2012-01-07 10:58 pm (UTC)(link)Thank you. Douchebags like that are why I no longer trust people.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2012-01-08 08:04 am (UTC)(link)no subject
(Anonymous) 2012-01-08 04:15 pm (UTC)(link)Could you expand upon/further clarify that. I'm not sure exactly what you're driving at with your metaphor their.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2012-01-08 04:43 pm (UTC)(link)At some point the OP is overwhelmed by all this repetition of how to think and react, so to me it sounds like the OP is lost in their own brain.
no subject
You should... probably get a dog. It's easy to dominate a dog.