[ SECRET POST #1834 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #1834 ⌋


Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 89 secrets from Secret Submission Post #262.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 2 3 4 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeats ]
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments and concerns should go here.

Comments

[megalomaniageek.livejournal.com]

Copied from above: It's in reference to this rant and comments. (http://fanficrants.livejournal.com/10827351.html)

I'm not here to stir up tons of wank and add more flames to the fire by sending a bunch of people over there; what I said was mostly just a tongue-in-cheek observation because there's a fair amount of crossover between the two comms.

Basically OP feels slighted because they messaged somebody and received no reply, assuming the recipient of the message is deliberately ignoring them. Most of the replies have been some mix of "you're not entitled to a response or any of the recipient's time and attention" and "they might not be deliberately ignoring you; there are tons of other reasons they haven't messaged you back (e.g. they forgot)." Even people who agree that ignoring is rude have agreed that OP was jumping too quickly to conclusions.

[dorknessrising.livejournal.com]

Ah, I did slog through that. Yikes.

I wouldn't exactly call it a litmus test, though. Big difference here is that OP of this secret knew and was friends with the person they're talking about wanting to reconnect with. x_lostinthesun just PMed and stalked the hell out of a random stranger. Obviously, OP's friend doesn't owe them a response, either, but there's a huge difference in getting messaged out of the blue by an old fandom friend vs. by some entitled creeper you've never spoken to.

[(Anonymous)]

Wait wait wait what?

I've read through that thread and I'm seriously wondering where it says/implies that the OP is a stalker (and creepy) at that? I mean, I understand the whole entitled thing even if I don't agree with it (I don't, it's not entitled to expect an answer to a polite question, that's how I was raised) but I'm really not getting the stalker comment...

Is it because they checked whether the other person was online or not? Because I'd definitely do that if I were excited/waiting for someone to reply to me. Again, that doesn't necessarily equal to 'stalking the hell of a random stranger' nor being an 'entitled creeper', at least not to me?

The reason I'm asking this is because THIS is why I am very wary of talking to people on the internet in general. People blow the smallest thing out of proportion and that's very scary and anxiety inducing to someone like me.

[dorknessrising.livejournal.com]

Searching out someone's online presence just because they didn't answer you is something I would find creepy as hell if it happened to me (and I have been online-to-offline stalked). Whether the person is active or not online is irrelevant. If they didn't answer you, they didn't answer you. Accept it and move on. Creeping all over their LJ/DA page/Tumblr/whatever to find out why they could possibly be ignoring you is...disturbing, to say the least (only in my opinion, though, I can't speak for others).

[(Anonymous)]

Uh, as far as I was able to understand, the OP only checked it to see if the person was online or not. I'm curious about how exactly one 'creeps' all over one page versus going on it 'oh he/she's active' and leaving again. Maybe I didn't read it all, because I don't think the OP actually made a comment on the person's LJ/whatever?

Again, it's not that I disagree with you. I don't either agree nor disagree because I /cannot comprehend/ how simply checking someone's page for activeness makes them a creepy.

[dorknessrising.livejournal.com]

The creeping part for me is searching the person out at all, period. x_lostinthesun was not a friend of the person they messaged, or someone who should expect a response; they'd never met. Searching and mapping out a complete stranger's online presence (through multiple avenues, not just LJ) just because they didn't answer a PM from you seems...disturbingly obsessive. It'd be like a cold-calling telemarketer showing up at your house to see if you're really not home because they kept getting your voicemail.

[pendingprogress.livejournal.com]

Hm, I disagree with this, purely I think because of the level of effort needed to be put in in the two cases. It wouldn't take that long to check even several sites to see what someone was doing (possibly under a minute if they're all easily inter-linked, which is true for a lot of people's fandoms presences), whereas it'd involve a physical journey of anything from a few minutes to over an hour for a telemarketer to go visit your house. However, if the OP of that rant kept checking the sites say a few times an hour, over several weeks, then I think that'd class as obsessive. But to check just a couple times over a few days, not really. I dunno, I think of obsession in the way of 'how much of my time is this taking up'?

Pic

[dorknessrising.livejournal.com]

It strikes me as obsessive because the person is expending effort, period, to monitor the online activity of a complete stranger. It takes far less of your time to just...accept you're not getting an answer.

If the person isn't active online anymore, you're out of luck. If they are still active, then they're ignoring you for a reason. What's the point of poking around their online spaces if both scenarios lead you to a dead end?

[pendingprogress.livejournal.com]

I think we're just using very different definitions of obsessive, then. 'Cause for me like I said, it's more about 'how of my my time is this taking'? I don't see expending any effort at all into something which isn't important as obsessive...or even a problem. I mean, if you're curious about how come you didn't get an answer and you know there is a relatively easy way to possibly satisfy some of that curiosity, why not use it, instead of trying to just stop being curious? It would be harder for me to 'just accept it' if I was thinking about it than it would be to make a few clicks. But then I guess the obsession depends on yeah, are they thinking constantly about why they didn't get an answer from the moment they sent the PM up till they made the ffr post, or have they just remembered every few days, "Hey, I still didn't get an answer about that translation..."

If I don't get any knowledge from the check because the person isn't active any more, then I've done what I can easily do, so I'm still curious about exactly what happened but the thought of, "I could potentially find out," isn't still bugging me. If they're not at all online then I can figure it's probably not just about me, so that worry's gone anyway. And if they are still active, then I know. I wouldn't go looking because I thought it would let me know why they were ignoring me, but to find out if it was them ignoring me, if you see what I mean? Also they could possibly have put a post up saying, "Sorry, RL shit going down, hiatus time," or something like that.

I am thinking about this way too much but I can't stop now, so.

Pic

[dorknessrising.livejournal.com]

I guess we are. But then I find any effort at all to to find out why a complete stranger never responded to an e-mail creepy because as I said further upthread, I've been stalked, online-to-offline, for exactly that reason.

[lemon-m.livejournal.com]

hot...damn, what happened in that thread? it's like the OP opened a door and released a backdraft of pent-up rage. I mean yeah, the OP jumped to conclusions but, c'mon people...

[(Anonymous)]

yeah...fanficrants is basically always like that

[lemon-m.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know. I'd kind of forgotten the severity of it, but...somebody related the OP requesting permission to translate a fic and then being confused about not getting a reply to women being sexually harassed by men. That is not. The. Same, fanficrants...

[(Anonymous)]

I'm, like, legit terrified of fanficrants.

People say WE'RE harsh and prone to drama. They're, like, a hivemind full of very angry bees. We look like Millsberry compared to them.

[(Anonymous)]

I love that people supporting the psycho crazies then get bitten by psycho crazies for not supporting the attack hounds correctly. Then there's the endless apologies and the, frankly, scary "No, I didn't see it that way before, thank you for educating me about my privilege" stuff. They are terrifying.