[ SECRET POST #1847 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #1847 ⌋


Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: pages, secrets from Secret Submission Post #.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeats ]
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I'm FtM, and I totally understand where you're coming from.

First, on the crossdressing thing. People are jumping all over you for the crossdressing comment, but again, I get where you're coming from. Even though crossdressing is different from being trans* and presenting as your true gender, the mechanics are still the same. I know I get ticked off when shows/movies/manga/whatever portray a girl crossdressing as a man, because even though I wasn't crossdressing when I presented as male, it still involves masking the female aspects of the body. Again, the mechanics are the same. You still need a binder, you still need to wear baggy clothes, etc. etc. (though mileage may vary depending on body type). But when a girl is portrayed as crossdressing as a boy and passing, there's no discussion of how much effort goes into it. Why isn't she having trouble breathing if she sprints a mile in a binder? How can someone touch her chest and not realize that she's got breasts? And it's usually worse when it's a man crossdressing, I know, because it's not just an issue of mechanics; it's almost always presented as a joke, something to laugh at, which isn't usually the case with female-to-male crossdressers.

Also, I understand on the part with people who knew you Before. I'm still friends with a lot of the people I knew Before, and though I care about them, I resent them sometimes, too. A lot of the person they were friends with for so long never really existed. And they pressure me--without realizing it, usually, just because of their presence--to keep on acting like the friend they knew back then, even the parts that were a lie. It's not fair to anyone, them included, but it's still there. And then there's the more obvious stuff. It's been years since I had surgery, and my family and friends still call me "she" sometimes. They're super supportive and mean well, but they mess up. They don't understand why I don't like discussing the Before Time. They don't understand that it still affects me--not just because I have to self-inject testosterone every other week, but in pretty much every aspect of my life. My brother doesn't understand why, after seeing a movie involving a man injuring his penis, he shouldn't say it's one of his worst fears and I'm lucky I'll never have to deal with that. (For those of you who don't understand the problem with that, it's like telling someone who was born without a leg that they're lucky because they don't have to worry about breaking their leg.) Support =/= understanding, even from the best of friends, and I'm sorry about that. That said, it is possible to make new friends who will treat you the same even after you disclose (if you choose to disclose). Some will treat you differently, for sure, but I was lucky enough to make some new friends my senior year of college, after I went full-time, who treated me exactly the same even after I told them. It's not a fix-all solution, but it helps.

As for your shrink--I know getting a new one is sometimes a lot easier said than done, but I do recommend it. My first therapist was the psychologist recommended by my school's GLBTQ counselor, and the shrink specialized in GLBTQ issues. Despite that, she insisted that we fix my depression before doing anything about my gender dysphoria, which as far as I was concerned was an attempt to treat the symptom rather than the cause. I found a new therapist, a recommendation from my mother's therapist. The new therapist had no previous experience with T issues, but she was much more understanding and much more helpful. tl;dr it might be difficult and you might have to try a few different people, but finding a therapist who works for you is worth it, and if your situation allows it, I really recommend it.

[(Anonymous)]

[cont'd]

I have no advice on your parents, and I'm sorry. Mine were very supportive--paid for surgery and all--so I don't know how to deal with parents like yours. All I can say is that it's their loss--especially your father's--and there are other people out in the world who will support you. I can't tell you if you should give up on them or not, but I hope they come around.

And the fandom people who dump you after you come out? They suck. That's the politest way I can think of to say it. They suck, and no matter how friendly they were beforehand, if your trans status is enough to make them abandon you, they weren't people you want to be friends with. My recommendation (which is not absolute in any way, because YMMV) is to take each situation separately. I don't broadcast myself as a transman, but if it comes up, I don't hide it, either. There are also parts of the internet and parts of fandom which are a lot more trans*-friendly than others. The only issue is finding them.

wtl;dr a lot of this is just me venting about my own trans experiences, feel free to ignore that. The important part is this: A lot of it sucks, I know, but there are people out there who will love you and support you and treat you the way you want to be treated, and I hope you find them.