fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #1847 ]

[ SECRET POST #1847 ]

⌈ Secret Post #1847 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: pages, secrets from Secret Submission Post #.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeats ]
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
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09. http://i.imgur.com/sD1EY.png

There is a difference between being trans and simply crossdressing.

Not everyone who crossdresses identifies as trans. Some people just like to wear clothes of the opposite gender.

what does crossdressing have to do with being trans?

Nice fail on the crossdressing part.

If your psychologist is useless, you should be trying to find another one if at all possible. Not all therapists or therapy styles work for everyone, and unless he or she is the only psychologist within a hundred miles that your insurance will cover, shopping around for one that works for you is not only okay, it is necessary.

I hope you can find some people in your life, on line or in person, who will accept you for who you are, and not care who you used to have to be. I'm rooting for you, good luck.

this times a thousand OP

Totally this.

Have your RL friends not been supportive of your transition, or is it just the fact that they knew you before? Because if they've been assholes about it, then fuck 'em, but if they're understanding and supportive, then they probably want to help however they can, if you feel able to give them the opportunity. In any case, I hope you have or find someone who can offer you that support. *hugs if wanted*

Do your RL friends not accept you for who you are, or do you just feel awkward being around them because they knew you before the transition?

I have to say, like the anons above, I'm a bit confused by the last bit of this. Does the treatment of cross-dressing annoy you because you know other people who are cross-dressers and feel that what you have learnt from them isn't being represented, or is it because you feel it isn't anything like your experience? The experience of a cross-dressing character is going to be very different from yours as a trans person. Cross-dressing and being trans are two very different things.

Anyway, I'm very sorry that you feel you can't be open with anybody, but perhaps you should try and talk to some of your friends. My brother is trans and he often says he is frequently nicely surprised by how well people react to it (not that they shouldn't react well, but sadly there are still a lot of examples where people don't). Perhaps you will be pleasantly surprised too? :)

Edited 2012-01-24 01:18 (UTC)

I wonder if this person just doesn't know their terminology (if their friends and psychologist are so unsupportive, there's a chance they simply haven't met anyone who knows much about trans issues).

I can relate to the OP about cross-dressing stories being annoying. I understand that wearing a dress as a disguise (which is often how cross-dressing-types of storylines go) is completely different than a trans individual dressing to express their identity, but some of the gags still hit too close to home for me.

For example, a common gag in these storylines is that an unaware person will hit on the cross-dressing person, and then that person will freak out when they discover the actual gender of who they've been stalking (or there's an undertone of "ohohohoho, wait til he/she discovers the REAL gender of that person--Cloud's cross-dressing plan to enter a brothel in FF7 is a good example of this). When I see a gag like that, it just reminds me of the actual harassment issues my mtf friends grapple with on a day-to-day basis, and it just isn't funny to me at all.

In general, cross-dressing plots are often treated as a huge joke (i.e., a humiliating necessity for a spy mission or the like, often there are gags like men recoiling when they discover a person ina dress actually has male genitalia, etc). I can definitely see how someone could be annoyed by these jokes, even if they aren't explicitly making fun of trans individuals. I hope that makes sense...

Edited 2012-01-24 18:52 (UTC)

Sadly even in this day and age there are things about a person that they can't be open about to other people because people will judge them. Transexuality seems to be one of them that no matter how educated the society becomes there will be a level of stigma about it. I'm not saying things won't change but it will take much longer than some other prejudices. If you feel more comfortable not telling your friends about it you don't have to. It's unfair but sadly that might be the only way to care for yourself.

I know plenty of people who are trans and I still talk to them. You just met douchebags thats all.

As others have said, crossdressing =/= being trans.

However, I understand where you're coming from and I'm really sorry that you're in that position. I don't know about your RL situation, but there are indeed pockets on the internet and in fandom that can be more friendly toward trans people. For example, do you know the community [Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com] at all?

I find it hard to imagine fandom not accepting someone. Individuals in fandom, sure, but not fandom as a whole. It's pretty much the most accepting place I've ever found online or off.

Though seriously, fandom isn't your personal support group either. At best, they're friends with shared interests.

IDK, try again? Maybe on DW?

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2012-01-24 05:49 (UTC) - Expand

*hugs* I hope it gets better, anon.

So, just to clear this up, is a trans-girl mtf or ftm?

Off topic, just curious, as far as I can see 'trans-girl' can go either way orz.

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2012-01-24 02:35 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2012-01-24 02:37 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2012-01-24 04:42 (UTC) - Expand

Someday, you fill find people who understand and like you. I know it sounds like total bullshit, but I went through what you did. In the end, I found it easier to be honest and if people gave me shit I called them out on it. This is me now, this is what you get. People I like came to respect that, and the ones who didn't weren't worth it anyway, even if it hurts like hell.

What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger, and you should give the finger to whomever tries to crush your spirits.

I know everyone here is saying crossdressing =/= trans and while that is true, crossdressing seems to be done as just a joke on tv more often than not.

I sorry you don't feel like you have anyone you can turn to, OP. Maybe find an online community where you can talk to other trans people?

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2012-01-24 04:21 (UTC) - Expand

Make a sock and join an online support group?

If you ever wanted to talk anon, send me a mail, yeah I'm just a random person on the internet but I know what you meant. Other people are right, it's time to find another psychologist and if your family doesn't accept you it's their problem (yeah, it is, you're not in the wrong and not responsible for educating them). I'm at the same point as you - how the fuck do I tell my friends about this!? I hadn't seen them in RL for a long time. Anyhow, I couldn't care less about my identity, so ... it's their problem.

I'm FtM, and I totally understand where you're coming from.

First, on the crossdressing thing. People are jumping all over you for the crossdressing comment, but again, I get where you're coming from. Even though crossdressing is different from being trans* and presenting as your true gender, the mechanics are still the same. I know I get ticked off when shows/movies/manga/whatever portray a girl crossdressing as a man, because even though I wasn't crossdressing when I presented as male, it still involves masking the female aspects of the body. Again, the mechanics are the same. You still need a binder, you still need to wear baggy clothes, etc. etc. (though mileage may vary depending on body type). But when a girl is portrayed as crossdressing as a boy and passing, there's no discussion of how much effort goes into it. Why isn't she having trouble breathing if she sprints a mile in a binder? How can someone touch her chest and not realize that she's got breasts? And it's usually worse when it's a man crossdressing, I know, because it's not just an issue of mechanics; it's almost always presented as a joke, something to laugh at, which isn't usually the case with female-to-male crossdressers.

Also, I understand on the part with people who knew you Before. I'm still friends with a lot of the people I knew Before, and though I care about them, I resent them sometimes, too. A lot of the person they were friends with for so long never really existed. And they pressure me--without realizing it, usually, just because of their presence--to keep on acting like the friend they knew back then, even the parts that were a lie. It's not fair to anyone, them included, but it's still there. And then there's the more obvious stuff. It's been years since I had surgery, and my family and friends still call me "she" sometimes. They're super supportive and mean well, but they mess up. They don't understand why I don't like discussing the Before Time. They don't understand that it still affects me--not just because I have to self-inject testosterone every other week, but in pretty much every aspect of my life. My brother doesn't understand why, after seeing a movie involving a man injuring his penis, he shouldn't say it's one of his worst fears and I'm lucky I'll never have to deal with that. (For those of you who don't understand the problem with that, it's like telling someone who was born without a leg that they're lucky because they don't have to worry about breaking their leg.) Support =/= understanding, even from the best of friends, and I'm sorry about that. That said, it is possible to make new friends who will treat you the same even after you disclose (if you choose to disclose). Some will treat you differently, for sure, but I was lucky enough to make some new friends my senior year of college, after I went full-time, who treated me exactly the same even after I told them. It's not a fix-all solution, but it helps.

As for your shrink--I know getting a new one is sometimes a lot easier said than done, but I do recommend it. My first therapist was the psychologist recommended by my school's GLBTQ counselor, and the shrink specialized in GLBTQ issues. Despite that, she insisted that we fix my depression before doing anything about my gender dysphoria, which as far as I was concerned was an attempt to treat the symptom rather than the cause. I found a new therapist, a recommendation from my mother's therapist. The new therapist had no previous experience with T issues, but she was much more understanding and much more helpful. tl;dr it might be difficult and you might have to try a few different people, but finding a therapist who works for you is worth it, and if your situation allows it, I really recommend it.

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2012-01-24 21:57 (UTC) - Expand

ok i wasnt gonna comment on the really small text re: crossdressing at the bottom of this secret but. ok a lot of these comments are making me angry so i'll bite.

i took OP's smalltext about the writers having "no idea how it works IRL" to be more of a "passing" thing. from what i remember, in anime (and a lot of other stuff) they'll have (for example) boy character A put on a dress and BAM they instantly pass as a girl with everyone they encounter ever!!! WOW THAT WAS EASY. and that usually doesnt happen because irl you can get read from as little as sitting or walking "the wrong way." people look for all kinds of clues as to your "real gender" aside from just your clothing. most people who have not tried passing do not realize this.

it doesn't matter if the character who is crossdressing isn't trans. it's still portraying crossdressing inaccurately and that is fucking annoying if you have had to deal with what it is actually like. it smacks of "hello i am a cisgender person and i dont know what the hell im talking about," a lot like some of the folks i see here and other places on the internet who know everything about all transgender people because they read it on a blog once YEAH I SAID IT COME AT ME

SPEAKING OF IM ANGRY not all crossdressers identify as transgender but some of them do so to the folks who are criticizing OP's terminology: no.

OP, i'm sorry to hear that you're having a rough time. if i could recommend anything, it'd be trying to find some kind of transgender or LGBT group you can join--just anything where you can meet people and make friends who won't be transphobic douchebags. im not sure whereabouts you live so i dont know what you have available but if you wanna message me or w/e i would be happy to help you look. i promise i am not a murderer.

You are supremely obnoxious and a perfect example of why transphobia exists. You embody every negative stereotype about trans-people, I want you to know that.

Er, hi.
So I'm the OP and I only just noticed this had been posted. I'm not sure if anyone's going to see this, but...thanks. You really made me feel better, and I promise I'll be taking some of your advice.

The crossdressing thing was *solely* about the mechanics, as mentioned. Sorry to be confusing.

And the last guy? I..I'm sorry :(

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