fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #1864 ]

[ SECRET POST #1864 ]

⌈ Secret Post #1864 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Howl's Moving Castle]

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03.

[Doctor Who]

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04.

[Sailor Moon]

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05.

[Orphan]

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06. [repeat]

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07.

[Muppet Treasure Island]

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08.

[The Vampire Chronicles]

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09.

[American baseball]

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10.

[Wall-E]

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11.

[Death Note, BBC Sherlock]

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12.

[Virgin Love]

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13.

[Anne McCaffrey's Dinosaur Planet I & II]

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14.

[The Vampire Diaries]

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15.

[Die Ärzte]

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16.

[King of the Hill, Ben 10]

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17.

[Madonna]

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18.

[How I Met Your Mother]

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19.

[The Hunger Games]

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20.

[Phi Brain: Kami No Puzzle]

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21.

[Cover Up!, The Crow]

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22.

[Flashdance]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 031 secrets from Secret Submission Post #266.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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02. http://i1151.photobucket.com/albums/o630/ladyklok/marthahattersecret.jpg
[Howl's Moving Castle]

Aww, that sucks OP, sorry you're having to deal with that. I've had a friend who treated me like her own personal therapist - would wake me up at all hours of the night to sob down the phone about the most random things, only ever wanted to talk about her issues, got insanely jealous is she so much as saw me speaking with anyone, but never had any interest in ever hearing anything about my life, good or bad. I was just there to listen to her woes and cheer her up like a wind-up toy she could pick off the shelf whenever she felt low. It was a horrible situation to be in, and I think you've already taken a huge, impressive step by telling your friend your feelings. If possible, if you want to take it to the next level, explain that you're trying to turn over a new leaf and not be treated like a doormat anymore - if somebody asks you for a favour, you're going to say no. And then stick to it. Say no when your friends tries to push you into doing stuff. remind them that you warned them that you would be saying no. Maybe they're not listening to you now because you're still potentially doing what they ask, but when they stop getting their own way they may start to realise that you're saying no so often because they try to force you to do things you don't want to do so often.

fuck, there are a lot of people out there like that, aren't there. ): to be fair, my former friend would actually listen to me talk about my life, but she would later use the information against me to try to convince me everyone else I knew really hated me so I got really paranoid about everyone but her for a while, like a dumbass. Weirdly it was the jealousy that made me wake up to what she was doing, because when I asked her why she hated my other friend so much, her response showed she obviously didn't know them well enough to even take a guess at what they thought of me.

I genuinely hope OP's situation gets better than mine- at least it sounds like their friend didn't pull the "I'm exploiting YOU? Well I think YOU'RE exploiting ME" tactic.

Yeah, it's disturbing how many people think friendship involves manipulation and lies. And a lot of those people tend to martyr themselves at every opportunity, try to throw the blame at others and paint themselves as the victim, to the point where they actually seem to believe that they've done no wrong, even when they've systematically torn down a person they claim to be friends with. :(

Ugh, yes. And a lot of these people do come from genuinely awful homes or otherwise have experienced abuse themselves, but it's like, that doesn't give you a free pass to be abusive and terrible yourself, you need to take responsibility for shit you're actually responsible for. Friendship shouldn't mean signing up to be somebody's rescuer on a white horse.

True, that can be the case, although it's not all the time. The friend I mentioned in my first comment, the one who tried to use me as a therapist? She came from a lovely home - loving parents whom she told me great things about, a gorgeous home where she never wanted for anything, two supportive big brothers and a sweet little sister. She often boasted about how awesome her family was. She just had a terrible case of middle child syndrome. She constantly tried to compare herself to her brothers, even though doing so seemed to upset and distress her mother - when I stayed with the family I saw her continually try to put her parents on the spot, trying to get them to compare her unfavourably with her brothers, and when they wouldn't do it she'd get in a strop that she couldn't trick them into saying something she could hold against them. (I actually overheard her mother trying to talk to her about it, trying to say there was no need for that, she loved all her children equally, and the friend just shrugged it off.) Thing was, her brothers weren't exactly perfect - they were kind of aimless and obviously quite coddled. But they were goodlooking, whereas my friend struggled with her weight and her skin, so she seemed to think her parents should prefer her brothers based on their looks alone. She was also strangely overbearing with her younger sister, kept fussing at her and telling her off for the smallest things. She obviously had issues, but I think they mostly stemmed from her own problems with her self-esteem, rather than any actual abuse. I think anyone can end up being that type of friend, no matter what their background, unfortunately.

Oh jesus, yeah. I didn't mean to say it was only abused people that had it- some people are narcissists, for example, which I'm pretty sure is genetic and has nothing to with background.

I used to be like this. I'm trying really hard to change- I'm still a little clingy, but I'm really conscious now of whether I'm bothering people, and I try to give as good as I get re: support.

I don't know if you who I think you are (based on some of the details, I'm thinking I'm not) but if you are: I'm so, so sorry. Our friendship was really important to me at the time we knew each other, and you're part of what inspires me to be a better person now. I understand if you don't want to reconnect, and I don't really think that would be a good idea either, but thank you.

Don't worry, this wasn't a fandom friend, it was an old university friend, so it's unlikely I'm who you're thinking of. But it sounds like you're already taking major steps - you're aware of the balance of friendship, that there's give and take and if you're always putting your issues on somebody else without ever giving them a chance to offload their own problems then all you'll do is weigh them down and make them miserable. Being aware of that is fantastic, because a lot of people simply AREN'T. Even when it's pointed out to them that they're doing exactly, they'd rather push the blame elsewhere or accuse people of lying or victimising them than accept the truth. as long you're aware of that balance, if you make yourself as available to your friends as they make themselves available to you when it comes to sharing problems, I'm sure you're not bothering anyone

The reason I love Miyazaki's movies so much is 'cause they're filled with all these little pieces of wisdom. They're truly spectacular.

I'm sorry you have such a friend, OP. Good on you for finally realizing what kind of person they are, and that you deserve better.

I think that's actually a line from the book, not the movie.

Sorry, should have said "works" instead.

ayrt

S'okay. I finally managed to sit down and read the book a year or so ago, and I really love both versions of the tale. Miyazaki's characters aren't really the same as Diana Wynn Jones's, so the movie is kind of like a really good fanfiction for me except in film format.

That's right! I completely forgot that HMC was originally a novel by a British author and later adapted into an animated film by Miyazaki. I'm not quite sure why I was under the impression that it was the other way around.

The book is actually by the rockin' Diana Wynne Jones. Which I only know because I work in library and have shelved it about 9bajillion times.

It's pretty good, though I actually preferred the lighthearted aspects of the movie. Miyazaki is awesome, after all. However the writing was brilliant.

Yeah, I only just remembered after an anon mentioned it. For some reason I thought that the animated film came before the novel. I'm not quite sure why, though, as my sister used to have the book. =/

Anyway, I definitely need to get my hands on a copy of the novel!

Ah, sorry! Didn't see that the anon had answered. Whoops.

And yes, it's pretty good. The message and themes are actually rather different (for the most part) from the movie, so it is a very cool experience.

As I remember it the sequel to the novel was (minus spoilers) pretty cute too. ^_^

Not enough DWJ respect in this thread.
The movie doesn't even compare.

Sorry you had a "friend" like that. :/

That is awful, OP. I remember with my friend I had a falling out with it took me awhile to be able to listen to some of my favorite songs again, because we had shared them together and it was a clear memory for me. It's been about a year and I have been able to shake almost everything, accept for associating the song 'Good Riddance' by Green Day with her. Though that was a connection made when we split ways. (I especially loved the subtle 'Fuck You' element in it that comes from the back story.)

Hopefully with time it will fade, but if not... well, maybe the negative lurch of feelings will. *gives out hugs to OP*

Ugh. I have a few too many ex (friends/significant others) who have ruined listening to songs I loved before. Not sure if it's better or worse that it's unintentional on their parts, you know?

Congrats on yours being a 'fuck you very much' song though! ^_^

That's too bad, OP. It's awesome that you stood up for yourself and told her how you feel. However, since this friend isn't respecting you, it might be best to just walk away. Easier said than done, I know, but you can do it!

Hopefully your love for HMC returns - it is a fabulous book (and movie!). :)

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[ SECRET POST #1864 ]

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