fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #1892 ]

⌈ Secret Post #1892 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[How I Met Your Mother]

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03.

[White Collar]

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04.

[Smash]

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05.

[How I Met Your Mother]

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06.

[Revenge]

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07.

[The Hunger Games]

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08.

[Yu-Gi-Oh]

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09.

[White Collar]

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10.

[Obscurus Lupa, Subspecies]

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11.

[Castleville]

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12.

[Gintama]

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13.

[The Cat Returns]

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14.

[Mythbusters]

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15.

[Invasion of the Body Snatchers]

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16.

[Titanic]

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17.

[All Dogs go to Heaven]

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18.

[Hatoful Boyfriend]

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19.

[Pokemon]

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20.

[Phantom of the Opera]

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21.

[The Middle]

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22.

[life on mars]

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23.

[Scrubs]

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24.

[A Goofy Movie]

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25.

[Nerimon/Alex Day]

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26.

[Katie McGrath]

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27.

[Chuck]

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28.

[Top Chef Season 9]

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29.

[The Vampire Diaries]

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30.

[The Vampire Diaries]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 045 secrets from Secret Submission Post #270.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I mean, consider a woman who is raised in a closed Christian community and "chooses" to be a stay-at-home mom and have 14 children, one who got married young and maybe didn't even finish high school. People can argue that women in those situations choose to be like that, but isn't it more likely that they never really had a choice to do anything else to begin with?

If she was forced into that life by her situation, she's not choosing it. If she actually chooses it - and I'm pretty sure the concept of choice inherently implies "more than one option" and somewhat implies "more than one viable option" - then that's her business.
These things are also not in any way mutually exclusive: if you spread the word that women are equal to men, and change the institutions so that women actually are equal to men, some of the women in those communities will still choose to marry young and be stay at home moms with fourteen kids. Because equality brings other options, but doesn't mean those women have to choose them.

Even with other options available, social conditioning is the biggest hurdle to get over. You'll still have a lot of women "choosing" to be like that because it's what her mother and grandmother and great-grandmother did and it she doesn't want to be disowned by her family and kicked out of her church.

Believe me, I live in a city full of such women. Having more options doesn't mean the social stigma of breaking tradition is gone.

You'll still have a lot of women "choosing" to be like that because it's what her mother and grandmother and great-grandmother did and it she doesn't want to be disowned by her family and kicked out of her church.

Or maybe because her ancestors did it, she actually enjoys that way of life and has seen benefits from it.

How do you know you really enjoy that life when you don't have anything to compare it to?

How do homosexual people really know they're gay unless they try to be heterosexual first so they have something to compare it to?

Nice derailment, but no. What you want out of life isn't something you're born with, like sexual orientation. You have to discover it through experience.

So? They might be bi and not know it.

How do you know where you want to live? How do you know that you want a pet or not? How do you know what you want to study? How do you know what you want to do as a career?

No one has experience in everything. It doesn't make their choices invalid.

No one has experience in everything, but you can't possibly know what you want to do with your life without experience. You aren't born knowing what these careers entail, or what marriage and childrearing entail. You learn about them through experience and education.

If you don't have any experience or education about other choices other than the ones your parents made, there is no way you can possibly be sure that's what you want. Because you don't know of anything else.

If you don't have any experience or education about other choices other than the ones your parents made, there is no way you can possibly be sure that's what you want. Because you don't know of anything else.

Yes, but that's essentially never the case. You have various friends, relatives, acquaintances, trips, stories, movies, TV, etc. Not to mention just looking out your own window. We're not talking about someone who is literally locked in their house 24/7 without windows.

In many small close-knit rural Bible Belt towns? Especially those built around a specific industry like mining or farming? It is kind of like that. Because the entire town is made up of people just like your parents. Or at the very least your parents will only associate with people just like them and only allow you to associate with people just like them (often by homeschooling you until you're legally old enough to work). Everyone has the same point of view and the same goals. It's an ultra-conservatiove bubble of the worst kind.

I was there, and managed to find my way out. And I never would have done so if I hadn't started to question why I wanted what I wanted (or thought I wanted). Other people can do it, too, but not without asking questions about how they've been conditioned to want traditional things even when other options are available.

Okay, yes, but that doesn't mean that the choice to stay there is invalid. You choice is not the only correct one.

I applaud you for your choice in taking the tough road. However, you were obviously exposed to other things too (probably less than people in the big city, yes). Obviously most of the girls in your town were exposed to similar things as you. At some point you made the choice to break free and experience more things than they would and it was clearly the right choice for you. However, it doesn't mean that girls who chose a more sheltered life are wrong, no matter how angry you are that they chose to follow in their mother's footsteps.

Well then we should keep fighting against the constraints on their choices, but they should feel free to follow tradition if that will make life easiest for them and if tradition is valuable to them.

It all seems to come down to semantics over the word "choice" which is what I was doing with my first comment (e.g. the implication that other options, particularly viable options, are available). I believe what the writer of that linked article from the comments against choice feminism (http://www.xojane.com/entertainment/choice-feminism-isn%27t-a-choice) is saying, looking at their 'cake or death' analogy, is that it's so hard to go against the patriarchy that it may as well be a non-choice like "go with society or die, or at least struggle way, way, way harder than somebody who joins us." What I'm hearing is "you are a puppet with no mind" and not "these choices are so not viable as to be not even considered choices." Probably because I don't consider those choices to be inviable just because they're hard. Lots of big life choices have unequal outputs of effort to make a reality.
If I can choose between two professions and one will be much harder than the other, and I choose the harder one because it's in a field I enjoy, was that not a choice? Was it not a choice if I picked the easier one? Is it a choice if they're both equally unavailable to women, but not a choice if one is considered a more male-dominated field?
How is it not a choice to pick the harder thing, to say "I'm going to keep my own name when I get married and suffer all the inevitable resulting bullshit" for example? If that's a choice, how is the opposite not a choice, if the other one is available?

[ SECRET POST #1892 ]

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