Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2012-05-02 06:51 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2012-05-02 06:51 pm
[ SECRET POST #1947 ]
⌈ Secret Post #1947 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
01.
__________________________________________________
02.
__________________________________________________
03.
__________________________________________________
04.
__________________________________________________
05.
__________________________________________________
06.
__________________________________________________
07.
__________________________________________________
08. [broken]
__________________________________________________
09.
__________________________________________________
10.
__________________________________________________
11.
__________________________________________________
12.
__________________________________________________
13.
__________________________________________________
14.
__________________________________________________
15.
__________________________________________________
16. [broken]
__________________________________________________
17.
__________________________________________________
18.
__________________________________________________
19.
__________________________________________________
20.
__________________________________________________
21.
__________________________________________________
22.
__________________________________________________
Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 068 secrets from Secret Submission Post #278.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
no subject
Actually, right after I typed that, I realized that subdom doesn't necessarily have to fall into the realm of BDSM, and lots of people roleplay that kind of thing without delving into actual bondage, sadomasochism and whatnot
You say you're in a vanilla relationship, so I take it that your partner isn't willing to roleplay that kind of stuff? I can sort of see your disappointment.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2012-05-03 02:19 am (UTC)(link)My previous relationship had a very central D/s theme and while I had lots of fun with that at first, towards the end of it it felt more like a chore than fun. So I think, for me, I do just prefer it as play, not as a relationship dynamic.
So I was specifically not fishing in the kinky pool at the point I met my current bf (because I had a bit of an overdose)
Another added complication is that in the D/s context I'm strictly Domme/top, but in the vanilla aspects of the relationship I'm more what one would call a versatile. It's sort of complex to begin with to have sexual/relational compatibility there...
But fact is, that sexuality is only one part of a relationship and when looking for a life partner.
He's not into pain or humiliation at all. He knows vaguely that I'm kinkier and that I was more adventurous in the past, but it simply isn't something he's into. And it sort of doesn't work that way. I just really don't believe in the sort of compromises where people end up doing things they feel bad about.
See the funny thing is, I have this friend who seems to actually be kink-compatible, and I know he would have been interested at least at some point, but fact is I don't see us having the sort of relationship me & my bf are having now. And I wouldn't trade that for just sex.
And yeah, it's frustrating sometimes - but people are who they are, you can't make them into something they're not.
no subject
I think this is the most important point. Consent is fundamental and we can't force people into doing things or into fulfilling roles they don't want. I know I would probably rather my spouse be more dominant than he is but he just isn't into that. It's not in his nature. I just have to deal with it. There's always fantasy, masturbation, stuff like that... so it's not a total loss, just kind of a disappointment you have to deal with that comes along with having healthy relationships.
Now THAT was TMI I'm afraid.