Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2012-05-02 06:51 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2012-05-02 06:51 pm
[ SECRET POST #1947 ]
⌈ Secret Post #1947 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 068 secrets from Secret Submission Post #278.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2012-05-03 02:19 am (UTC)(link)My previous relationship had a very central D/s theme and while I had lots of fun with that at first, towards the end of it it felt more like a chore than fun. So I think, for me, I do just prefer it as play, not as a relationship dynamic.
So I was specifically not fishing in the kinky pool at the point I met my current bf (because I had a bit of an overdose)
Another added complication is that in the D/s context I'm strictly Domme/top, but in the vanilla aspects of the relationship I'm more what one would call a versatile. It's sort of complex to begin with to have sexual/relational compatibility there...
But fact is, that sexuality is only one part of a relationship and when looking for a life partner.
He's not into pain or humiliation at all. He knows vaguely that I'm kinkier and that I was more adventurous in the past, but it simply isn't something he's into. And it sort of doesn't work that way. I just really don't believe in the sort of compromises where people end up doing things they feel bad about.
See the funny thing is, I have this friend who seems to actually be kink-compatible, and I know he would have been interested at least at some point, but fact is I don't see us having the sort of relationship me & my bf are having now. And I wouldn't trade that for just sex.
And yeah, it's frustrating sometimes - but people are who they are, you can't make them into something they're not.
no subject
I think this is the most important point. Consent is fundamental and we can't force people into doing things or into fulfilling roles they don't want. I know I would probably rather my spouse be more dominant than he is but he just isn't into that. It's not in his nature. I just have to deal with it. There's always fantasy, masturbation, stuff like that... so it's not a total loss, just kind of a disappointment you have to deal with that comes along with having healthy relationships.
Now THAT was TMI I'm afraid.