[ SECRET POST #1947 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #1947 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 068 secrets from Secret Submission Post #278.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

And all those kids can just transfer schools. :D Totally okay, right?

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

...Please be sarcasm.

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

No! I was being sincere!

What do you need? A sarcasm sign?

My point was that the victim being able to leave doesn't impact whether something is bullying.

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

It impacts the seriousness of the bullying. Do you honestly not see the difference between a situation you are willfully putting yourself in (internet, where you can sign off at any time) and one where you have no choice (real life, where many people don't get a choice of where they go and when)?

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

Yes! I do see the difference!

However, bullying not exclusive to either. Real life bullying is certainly more serious, but that doesn't mean that internet bullying is good, is right, or is nothing. It exists and it doesn't get a free pass for being 'not as horrible.'

Also, really? Bullying is a problem no matter where you are.

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

It gets a free pass on needing intervention, though. You don't need an organization to tell you to shut your computer off.

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

No, but you need someone to tell those assholes online that they are being inappropriate and are acting like bullies.

It shouldn't be the victim's responsibility.

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

Not really, no. You can tell them all they want, and they aren't going to care because it's the fucking internet. You're wasting your time, which could be better spent on people who are being bullied and don't have the luxury of deleting the 6-8 hours they spend at school and/or work from their lives.

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

Okay, yeah, it's not an easy problem to solve! It's not even the most important problem to solve.

Why should they get a free pass just because it's hard?

It's the Nirvana fallacy: just because we're not going to stop all cyber bullies doesn't mean we should tolerate that behavior. Just because it's not the worst thing doesn't mean that it gets free reign.

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

Because it doesn't make sense to fight something you absolutely cannot win against when there are far more pressing matters that need way more attention than they're getting. It's called "picking your battles."

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

It's called doing what's right.

If you're the victim, maybe you should run.

If you're the bystander or if you're the bully, that's when you need to take a long hard look at what's right. That's holding the instigator responsible.

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

I prefer not giving a shit. It gets the same result with much less effort. If you can help yourself out of the situation with a few mouse clicks, why should I waste my time on a bully who isn't going to listen to me anyway?

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

Because you lose 100% of the battles that you never fight.

It might be the same result for you if you never try, but it makes a difference to someone else.

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

When you can don nothing except type words on a screen that the bully will either ignore or laugh at, no it doesn't. And if you can help yourself the most with literally a few mouse clicks, why depend on someone else?

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

Because it's not right that the victim should lose out.

What I can do is take action when I have power. If I tell them it's unacceptable and I won't tolerate it, I can at least do my part.

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

And they will laugh at that and keep on keeping on since they now have your attention. You've accomplished nothing other than giving them the amusement they're looking for.

The victim can avoid "losing out" by putting appropriate privacy settings on their account and contacting the site's abuse team if the situation warrants it.

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

You still blaming the victim instead of the bully

It's great that there are ways to prevent it, and I agree. However, that doesn't make the bully right.

How many excuses are you going to come up with for doing nothing because you're lazy or scared?

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

*shrug* I already admitted to being lazy. Your point? How many excuses are you going to make for being addicted to drama?

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

DA.... Oh for cryin' out loud!

You're making a mountain out of a secret written by someone who is definitely NOT a victim of cyber bullying. Who is using this secret as emotional manipulation and to further a shipwar campaign she has raging. And before you cry 'you don't know who the OP is', I do. She admitted it on a friends-locked post on her journal. She is infamous for this type of thing.

How's that soap box of yours now, anon?

Ironically, I find it interesting that your here lobbying that cyber bullying is the worst of all sins (because computers don't come with an off button, didn't you know) but that your actively arguing with people to the point where you have now just motivated a lurker who never posts to speak up even if its to say 'shut the hell up already'. You're bullying through obstinate annoyingness!That thing out there that's blue? That's the sky. There's fresh air out there, too. And parks, and malls and hey, plenty of places to exercise. See fandom is supposed to be about fun. What to do if it ceases to be fun? You find a new, healthier hobby. Not the same thing as people being ostracized in real life for things like religion, gender, sexual orientation or ethnicity, i.e. things they cannot change. Jesus Christ! I can't believe you. I really can't.

Don't want to take the word of anyone here at F!S that you're out of line? Fine. How about an expert?

Here's an except from selfgrowth.com on 'victim mentality' (which you have a serious case of):

What is victim mentality?
A victim mentality is one where you blame everyone else for what happens in your world. (Another definition not as commonly used is one that says a person thinks the future only holds bad things for them.) If you do not get the promotion it is because Mr. Johnson was out to get you. Not because he found you playing on the Internet every day. Your best friend called and said she could not have dinner with you. She is always doing that to you; not showing. You'll show her. You won't invite her when you go out again! Instead of remembering she has just started school and you did call her at the last minute. Victim mentality.

Recently I spoke with someone who no longer lives with a victim mentality. She has gone on with her life and is free from some of the extra baggage that come with being a victim. We discussed forgiving our abusers and how in that process you also need to forgive yourself. With that came loosing the victim mentality.

When she was living under the victim mentality she found herself angrier. She found herself swirling in a sea of resentment towards her abuser. She stayed locked in that cycle and never seemed to move forward. If she got sick, she became angry at him. If the kids messed up, she became angry at him. He was no longer in the picture, but it was all his fault. It was not hers; he made things this way... Life is easier when you can play the blame game. The blame game makes it easy for your life not to move forward or for you to grow.

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

Yes, it does. If you can easily leave the situation but choose not to? That's not bullying. That's martyrdom. And before you jump on it, transferring schools isn't easy. Especially public school, and homeschooling is not an option for families who are too poor to afford to have one parent home all the time.

Fandom shit doesn't require anyone's intervention or anyone to advocate for you, because you have all the power you need to cut it out of your life. It's not bullying when you have the luxury of walking the fuck away.

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

Yes it is!

It's not as serious, but it is bullying and the people who do it are just as bad, even if less effective.

You're acting like it's easy to walk away from any and all friends you've made online. It's not. There aren't financial ties, but you still have the emotional ties.

Why is the victim responsible for other people targeting them?

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

Yet you're treating it as if it should be taken just as seriously. And no, it shouldn't. Diluting the meaning of "bullying" with "stupid petty shit people say online" is going to do nothing but make it easier for people who already think it's a problem invented by the media to dismiss it and not care.

When the "victim" has all the power they need to walk away, yes, they're responsible for doing so. Because only they can do it.

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

Look, real life is just harder to walk away from than the internet. That you personally are emotionally invested in the internet to a possibly unhealthy degree and feel you can't take the simple action needed to get away from mean people on it does not invalidate the fact that it's much easier to do than it is in real life, and does not make the two situations remotely the same, and what people are trying to tell you is that it's really shitty of you to try and compare them.

And anyway, all of your friends turning against you stops being about bullying and starts falling under the umbrella of "guess you found out you have shitty friends".

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

Stop. Go outside. Get some perspective.

(frozen comment)

[(Anonymous)]

Right, where perspective = bullying olympics.