[ SECRET POST #1951 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #1951 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 05 pages, 102 secrets from Secret Submission Post #279.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[kikkyo.livejournal.com]

But really, do we know that OP is talking about a first encounter? All I gathered from the secret was a short illustration of two situations where (I'm assuming) two different BNFs rejected the OP for two different reasons, but I'm not aware whether or not it was in the very first conversation, or how many convos there would have been. I usually take these things with a grain of salt. There's no way to know if the OP isn't leaving information out, so there's no way to know if the BNFs in their fandom really are snotty brats or if OP him/herself really is being unintentionally annoying and creepy.

It's not that I don't sympathize with the OP. I think that everyone deserves a chance, but I don't think it's fair to blame someone else for rejecting a friendship if they feel they have a legitimate reason either. Some people aren't gonna leave a conversation as gracefully as you or I would like, but that doesn't give them any less right to get out of a conversation that makes them feel uncomfortable.

As far as OP's situation though, if they are being unintentionally creepy, I don't think it's such a bad thing that someone brought it to their attention. You can't fix it if you don't know it's a problem. If there was an actual problem, then those BNFs probably did the OP more of a favor than they intended by bringing it up. And if it wasn't, then the OP just needs to find friends who are more worthy of their time and effort and learn how to enjoy fandom while being themself.

[rabidsamfan.livejournal.com]

We don't know. A first encounter is what the cartoon depicts. I certainly have heard the "treat me like a regular person" advice given (fortunately by someone who was quite happy to continue the interaction), though. And I felt like the first few comments were kind of harsh (and I'm killing time, waiting for Sherlock to start) so I got entangled in the comment thread.

As for someone acting creepy -- getting away from fandom here, because the people who pop into my head are folks I know from work situations -- just saying "you're giving me the creeps" is usually an ineffective way to instigate behavior change. "It makes me nervous when people loom, please stand back a little farther" or other concrete suggestions tend to work better. Since at work I don't have a choice of whether or not to interact with that person again, and would be unprofessional to attempt to drive them away entirely, I try to make specific, positive suggestions. (If you say 'don't run', then most people hear "Run" -- if you say 'Please Walk'," they hear "Walk".) It's taken me a while to realize that there are people who genuinely don't understand why what they're doing is objectionable, but who are nice enough to try to stop if you give them a different suggestion.

I also, at times, fib. Especially for that "do you want to go for coffee" line, where my answer is, "thank you, but there's a lovely person in my life who has first dibs on my evenings." Yeah, sometimes it's Sherlock Holmes... But he is quite lovely, yes?