[ SECRET POST #1987 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #1987 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 096 secrets from Secret Submission Post #284.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 1 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[countess_k]

I never read any of the Twilight books. Not for the lack of trying mind you, I just couldn't get past the first chapter without wanting to smash something over Bella's head. Two of my friends keep saying it gets SO good at the end and the mythology is thick and complicated and magnificent. I only know one thing: kidiporn, i.e. grown-ass men having a thing for toddlers but apparently that is part of that magnificent mythology too. I'm curious as to what really happens in the last part of the saga. Could you indulge?

[(Anonymous)]

Bella becomes a vampire. She and Edward have epic sex that actually breaks down houses. And Bella is a super special vampire because even though she's just been turned she can resist bloodlust.
Her baby grows faster than it should. And it's super smart. Think Claudia from Interview with the Vampire but EVER SCARIER, except everyone insists she's super special instead of a terrifying abomination. Oh and Jacob imprinted on her. When she was a BABY. EEEEEEEEEEEW.
Because this vampire chick from up north saw the baby, she thought they'd turned a toddler into a vampire, which is a BIG NO NO, and she calls the Volturi over. It takes them ages to arrive, because they want an excuse to destroy the Cullens ... for some reason. So Carlisle gathers all the vampires he knows from around the world to vouch for the fact that the baby is just half-vampire, not a toddler they turned. And Bella has a super special vampire power: she can shield people. With her LOVE. I'm not even kidding.
And it ends with everyone lining up to fight ... and there is no fight. Because some people from the Amazon show up who tell everyone about how a male vampire can impregnate a human woman and that can make a super special half-vampire baby. And that's the end. AUGH.

I'd suggest reading Cleolinda Jones's posts about it. Her snark and humor and facepalming helps one get through the horribleness.