Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2012-06-22 06:42 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2012-06-22 06:42 pm
[ SECRET POST #1998 ]
⌈ Secret Post #1998 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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09.
[Peter Gabriel]
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[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]
10. [SPOILERS for the Hunger Games]
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[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]
11. [WARNING for abuse]
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12. [WARNING for rape]
[Hetalia]
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13. [WARNING for abuse]
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14. [WARNING for gore, animal abuse]
http://i.imgur.com/SjfD3.jpg
[images of actual dead animals and stuff.]
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15. [WARNING for rape]
[Video Games Awesome Live]
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16. [WARNING for abuse]
[Avatar: the Last Airbender]
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17. [WARNING for rape]
[American Horror Story]
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18. [WARNING for dub-con, grooming, brainwashing]
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19. [WARNING FOR general discussion of triggery topics (there's bound to be triggering material in the comments)]
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #285.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 1 (warning for rape) - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 2 - posted twice ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
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(Anonymous) 2012-06-26 09:07 am (UTC)(link)The answer to your first question is actually pretty complicated and varies person to person and day to day. For example, medicated I am baseline about 95 percent of the time. Occasionally I have bad (manic/depressed/mixed) days or hours or sometimes I'll have a mild episode for like a week, but on the whole I think that my brain feels things about at the level of an 'average' person. Even when I do have 'episodes' they are MUCH less severe than they used to be. As I have also mentioned before, I am quite high functioning (because I am very, very fortunate). I do well in college and I have friends and I date and I work and I get along with my family well. So on the whole, I am currently mostly very 'normal' by psychiatric standards.
However,from the beginning of last January and up until about the four to six month mark on taking lamotrigine I could hardly breathe for all the mood episodes I had. There were some normal days and hours etc. but they were vastly outnumbered by all of the abnormal ones.
Lots of other bipolar people have times where they are completely episode free. In fact, this often keeps them from getting help as soon as they should because there is plenty of time where they DO feel normal and thus they view getting help as 'unnecessary' or 'weak'. Also, this feeling that normal is just around the corner prompts a lot of manic depressives to abandon medication because they know there were times when they didn't need it. Even I get urges like that even though there was such little baseline time when I was unmedicated.
Everyone's normal mood is different. Everyone has a different baseline. My baseline is generally very happy! I am very enthusiastic about life and I don't stay angry or sad for very long and I like to joke around a lot. Other people are very different and have more subdued or pessimistic baselines.
There is absolutely an incredible variety of the intensity of mood episodes.
Mania: I have been 'manic' (briefly) to the point where my brain has so many unrelated words flying around in it that I cannot speak. I have also been euphoric to the point that everything in my brain was absolutely HILARIOUS and I was laughing my ass off at my own thoughts in the shower. I have been euphoric to the point that touching everything felt like sex (or at least it felt like having a nice wank because I have never had sex). I have also had much milder, longer 'manias' (I'm just calling them that for shorthand because I don't think I've ever been fully manic) where I was simply very sexual, very driven, very outspoken, and I generally just thought everything was wonderful and dandy.
Mixed: I have been in a mixed mood to the point where I literally felt like I was on fire. I have had extremely violent thoughts of self harm and suicide(the description of which could DEFINITELY be labelled as incredibly triggering). I have been agitated to the point of hitting myself and holding in screams (because I try to hide things as best I can and I really don't like hurting other people if I can help it). I have had rage. On the other hand, when it's mild it's irritating and it makes me irritable and I have violent thoughts, but I usually can get rid of them by. . .biting my hands or digging my nails into my skin; I'm not very good at dealing with this bit, actually, even when it's mild.
Depression: I have been extremely suicidal and unable to get out of bed. I also have been mildly depressed with just a general feeling that something is wrong. The only reason I'm not dead I think is because I've suffered from pure O OCD and anxiety for quite a long time and the extreme suicidalness and wish to die was coupled with an intense fear of, um, actually committing suicide sometimes? I don't know. My brain is very weird and I'm just grateful to be alive so I'll take what I can get.
Other people have more or less intense experiences than mine. Some people hallucinate or have delusions when they're manic or depressed. I personally have never suffered from a complete break from reality so I can't say what that feels like. Sorry!
Thanks for the interest! It's nice to have an educated person floating around the internet.
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But no, seriously, thank you so much. It sounds weird as hell, but I've been really eager to talk to someone with bipolar disorder for a long time, and you've answered a lot of the long-standing questions I had about it. I'm sure I'll think of a couple more questions within the next few days that I forgot to ask..
no subject
(Anonymous) 2012-06-26 05:42 pm (UTC)(link)