[ SECRET POST #2003 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2003 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 040 secrets from Secret Submission Post #286.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 1 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[anonymouslyyours]

I don't think I ever realized why most of those stories bothered me and reading you guys talk about it made it click for me. It never rung true for me, they tend to be very outsider, two-dimensional portrayals.

The "get out of my house" is always portrayed as immediately catapulting the character into a better situation with minimal second-guessing or conflicted home sickness. And for a few of my friends not being thrown out was more emotionally damaging in the long run.

For me it's a little like when writers take canon verbal and emotional abuse and turn it into physical and sexual abuse, like they are implying anything else isn't a big deal.

[cloud_riven]

On one hand I'm sort of glad abuse, domestic abuse in particular, gets ham-handedly over the top and unrealistic because I can at least roll my eyes and skim it or back button away. Verbal/emotional isn't often warned for though, and on the few chances it hits close to home... (unintentionally unfortunate wording oh god) I'd rather know ahead of time where to read carefully or just outright avoid.

But then on the other I don't like the implications of certain abuse (or homophobia in this case) being touted as the "real" type of abuse. Just is it really so much to ask that people know what they're writing about. Not just in fic, but in mainstream media too since I'm going to just assume this is where all the super lame ideas of it come from.

[anonymouslyyours]

The whole idea of "real" abuse is exactly why so many people are reluctant to ask for help or get out of a bad situation. My mother was in a negative relationship for years because it hadn't yet escalated to physical violence. While volunteering at a women's shelter it broke my heart how many phone calls I got from women who wanted to know if they could still stay with us if their SO had not physically struck them or their children. I'll never know how many didn't call. As someone who experienced both forms of abuse I can state that personally the verbal and emotional abuse impacted me for the long run while the physical abuse healed faster and was easy to identify and cope with and I felt "justified" in defending myself against.

/I also witnessed an unfortunate conversation in college where someone told a gay man that he shouldn't complain about his abusive family dynamics because at least he hadn't been thrown out like other gay children have been.

[cloud_riven]

Be grateful! Chin up! It could always be worse!

Boo. Hiss! That is completely unhelpful and dismissive.

[anonymouslyyours]

Yes. In some cases it perpetuates it because I've had a step-father tell me that I was lucky he never beat or molested me. The attitude in our community helped him avoid confronting his behavior.

[fuchsiascreams]

This reminds me so much of those people who say things like, "QUIT WHINING, AT LEAST YOU AREN'T LIVING IN A THIRD WORLD COUNTRY DYING OF HIV THAT YOU CONTRACTED DURING A RAPE AT AGE 17 WHILE TRYING TO RAISE YOUR EIGHT YOUNGER SIBLINGS BECAUSE YOUR PARENTS WERE BRUTALLY MURDERED DURING A CIVIL WAR RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU". As if nobody can ever be hurt by anything EVER unless it's THE ABSOLUTE WORST ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD.

[cloud_riven]

Ahhhhh the oppression olympics ultimate prize: The Wettest Blanket In The World.

and the right to toss it

[thene]

http://community.livejournal.com/_survivors_/1025921.html

[anonymouslyyours]

That is a really great link, thank you!

[thene]

Yeah, I put it in my LJ memories for a reason. It is really helpful sometimes.

[agentcthulhu]

Thank you.