Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2012-06-30 03:24 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2012-06-30 03:24 pm
[ SECRET POST #2006 ]
⌈ Secret Post #2006 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 06 pages, 135 secrets from Secret Submission Post #287.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 1 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
Welp
(Anonymous) 2012-06-30 09:02 pm (UTC)(link)My best friend of four years, after 4 months of not talking, just told via voicemail the day before yesterday "I don't want to talk to you ever again."
I am suicidal. I talked to a suicide hotline last night that made me feel momentarily better but it's coming back and ;alsdkfnas;dklfnas;dkn fuck my life. I'm going out to eat with two other friends if they don't flop, and that might make me feel momentarily better again, but fuck it I'm scared of going to bed tonight. I'm going to think about everything, and I'm going to have to mentally prepare myself for another fucking day and it's going to be dark and I'll be alone and I'm scared. I'm a teenager and I'm scared of the dark, cool.
-officially the most pathetic person to ever live, ever.
Re: Welp
(Anonymous) 2012-06-30 09:15 pm (UTC)(link)One, you're not the most pathetic person to ever live, ever. It might be a close thing, but I can guarantee you you're not the winner in the Most Pathetic Ever contest. Sorry.
Two, could you maybe confide in one or both of these friends you're going out to dinner with? Sometimes just talking about it and getting ideas out of your head and into the air can make things feel not quite so desperate.
Three, if you go to bed and find your thoughts spiralling on a negative cycle mentally stop them. Say "Stop." out loud, or "enough" or "I'm not thinking about this anymore, I'm thinking about [something]." It sounds silly, but it works. It's all about recognizing the negative cycle of thoughts and putting a stop to it. I do this every fucking night. Sometimes I have to do the stop thing ten or fifteen times, but if I just keep cutting off those thoughts they dont' get anywhere. A favorite distraction is making up stories (usually fanfic) in my head - usually self insert h/c. Whatever works.
Four, Life's Hard, yo. No lie. But it also gets better with time and effort. If you want to turn your life around I totally think you have the power to do it.
The End.
Re: Welp
I had a similar thing happen with my best friend back in high school. Best friend for 5 years, and then she started dating and decided that I wasn't worth being around anymore. That was almost 8 years ago and I still get down about it sometimes when I'm feeling real nostalgic. All I can tell you is that it's not the end of the world, and there are other, better people out there who you now have a good excuse to go meet. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt or that you'll get over that person, but it hurts less with time. The fact that you've got at least two other friends already is a comfort; maybe now that you're not spending all your time with this other person, you'll get to know them better and realize you have more in common with them anyway. Won't know until you try.
As for sleeping and being afraid of the dark, I'm 25 and I slept with a nightlight all the way up until I graduated college, if that makes you feel any better. And even then, I only stopped because now my laptop sort of works like one, when it's on screen-saver. I can't stand being in pitch darkness; it feels like I'm suffocating. If you find yourself thinking too much about everything while you're trying to sleep, you could try listening to music, too. Doesn't matter what kind. If you have to listen to something loud and bombastic to drown it out, do that. If listening to something soothing helps you drift off, do that.
I hope things start looking up for you, anon.
Re: Welp
I don't know your situation but I can tell you that you aren't pathetic you're just hurting. A lot of what you said in your comment is almost word for word what I was saying to myself just months ago. Nothing in my life changed until I did. You can't keep tearing yourself down. At some point you have no choice left but to rebuild. I know it sounds cliche but you have to start looking at the good stuff as well. If there really isn't anything good there then you just have more room to make something good. If all you fixate on is the bad things of course that's all that you'll see. Live in the moment. Listen to a funny song and just be there listening to that song for a moment. You have to stop fixating on things beyond your control if you want to change what you can.
The only advice I can give you is to set tiny, realistic goals of what you want to do that day. You might feel really silly making a simple to-do list but it really helped pull me out of the depths of some of my worst depression when I could look at a piece of paper and actually see I had accomplished something. Something else that really helped me was to actually listen to the horrible things I told myself and trying to imagine saying them to another person. Once I realized that I would never, ever dream of saying that to another human being I started to see myself in a more neutral light and started to ask myself why it was okay to say those things to me.
If you have a bad day don't beat yourself up. Everyone has them. It's not getting knocked down that matters, it's getting up. Just keep getting up and no one, even yourself, can honestly say you're pathetic.
And please reach out to someone in real life.
Re: Welp
(Anonymous) 2012-07-01 01:14 am (UTC)(link)I got over my fear of the dark in my twenties, by getting out of bed, walking up to all the dark corners and just waving my hand around in them to convince myself that there's nothing there. I felt silly, but the fear is now just a mild twinge that comes every now and then, until I remember that there's nothing there, and then it goes away.
(Just be careful not to hit your hand against furniture or a wall, though!)
Re: Welp
You don't sound pathetic, you sound very strong and prepared to take this one day at a time and seek out things that make you feel better even when it really fucking hurts. I don't know what's going on in your life that means you have to mentally prepare yourself every day, but I believe you because I used to feel like that every night, and I hope it changes for you soon so you can take a rest and make time to care for yourself.
http://metanoia.org/suicide/
Re: Welp
I'm almost 40 years old and I still tell myself stories when I can't get to sleep now. It helped me get through teenage years, it helped me get through long days of work and school at college, it helped me through a lot of bad years after when I was unemployed or underpaid, and it just makes me feel better even now.
Maybe try that, see if it works. It's free, you don't need anyone else to do it, and you can control the outcome, so it might cheer you up a little - at least just *enough* to get through the next day.