[ SECRET POST #2010 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2010 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


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02.
[Panic! at the Disco/One Direction]


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03.
[Mad Men]


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04.
[My Princess]


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05.
[Questionable Content]


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06.
[NCIS]


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07.
[Okami]


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08.
[la brigade chimérique]


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09.
[Ally McBeal]


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10.
[SS Omega]


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11.
[Final Fantasy XIII]


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12.
[A Song of Ice and Fire]


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13.
[Heroes]


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14.
[Salma Hayek and Cote De Pablo]


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15.
[True Love, "Holly's Class"]


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16.
[Star Trek TNG]


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17.
[Final Fantasy VII Crisis Core]


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18.
[Katawa Shoujo]


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19.
[US Women's Gymnastics]


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20.
[Legend of Korra]


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 042 secrets from Secret Submission Post #287.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 2 - posted twice ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I think figuring out who we are, especially if part of who we are is something we didn't expect to become, is really tough shit. And sometimes we look to fictional characters or celebrities or even people we know as the kind of person we want to be like, and that's alright. Look at it this way: it's plagiarism if I copy a story from someone else exactly, but if I read it and get ideas, or really like the writing style and want to incorporate part of that into how I write, then it's pretty well accepted and I'm moving forward and finding out what I want to do with myself. Everybody's a composite of their experiences and their choices and who they decided to be.

It's also really not uncommon to be attracted to someone and at the same time look up to them as a role model. "I want to be them but I also want to fuck them" sounds strange, but it's actually something that a lot of people feel.

But... you're not a narcissist. You're not in love with yourself, you're negating yourself. Whoever you are, you're not Zack. You can be a person with some similarities to him, if that's who you want to be. He can inspire you, if you like. But no matter what, you're still going to be you. And you know what? You have the potential to be somebody really unique and interesting all on your own. I think it's important for you to find who that person is, and live as you. The Zack thing isn't unhealthy as a fantasy, but I think you need to draw the line between pretend you and real you a little harder. You don't seem happy, and I think totally neglecting your real self might be what's hurting you.

You are your own person, and you have worth, and you deserve better than to cover that person up by being somebody else.

OP (maker of secret)

[(Anonymous)]

I said a couple more things in a few other comments I made (completely out of order), but I did want to clarify a few things.

Since I was a little sleep-deprived when I made this secret, I sort of left out something important.

It's not a total transformation into him I desire, more like... an assimilation? If that's even the right term for it. He was like the final piece in a puzzle in my heart that I was missing and didn't even realize, and just knowing of his existence (fictional existence though it may be) was a significant comfort and boost to my self-worth.

I am really happy with myself, much as I'd really like to be male, but I've accepted that the kind of physical body I want is just not feasible in this day and age. Transitioning I'm sure works for other people just dandy, but what I want is medically impossible. I still love myself, have high self-worth, etc., and having him somehow in my life (whether just as a character, as a weird otakukin otherlife thingamajig, or as a part of myself) makes me happier than ever.

Jesus, I hope I make sense.