[ SECRET POST #2010 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2010 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


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02.
[Panic! at the Disco/One Direction]


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03.
[Mad Men]


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04.
[My Princess]


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05.
[Questionable Content]


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06.
[NCIS]


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07.
[Okami]


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08.
[la brigade chimérique]


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09.
[Ally McBeal]


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10.
[SS Omega]


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11.
[Final Fantasy XIII]


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12.
[A Song of Ice and Fire]


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13.
[Heroes]


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14.
[Salma Hayek and Cote De Pablo]


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15.
[True Love, "Holly's Class"]


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16.
[Star Trek TNG]


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17.
[Final Fantasy VII Crisis Core]


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18.
[Katawa Shoujo]


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19.
[US Women's Gymnastics]


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20.
[Legend of Korra]


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 042 secrets from Secret Submission Post #287.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 2 - posted twice ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

17. http://i.imgur.com/WgH7d.png
[Final Fantasy VII Crisis Core]

[(Anonymous)]

Is it weird to say I understand how this feels, OP? Thinking that if I looked different, I could be like X. Or if I changed my behavior, I could be like Y. I think a lot of us can empathise with wanting to *be* our heroes.

But it's worrying that you sound like becoming Zack Fair is your main and only reason for making changes to yourself. You can't become someone else entirely; it's not that simple in real life. You could aspire to be somebody like Zack Fair and maybe you could end up a person a lot like him. But in the end, you'll still be you, only in a male body. Or you, only friendlier. Or you, only with black hair and a penchant for doing SOLDIER poses and twirling your sword after martial victories.

I'm not going to say you're not truly transgendered or anything like that. I don't know you. You identify as male in your real life and would still do so, Zack Fair or not? That's cool, more power to you. But... it might be healthier to aim to become someone your heroes would be proud of, instead of becoming an exact copy of your hero yourself or hero-worshipping Zack so hard that you lose who *you* are.

Think about it, that's exactly what Cloud did in FFVII the original game.

[(Anonymous)]

>nothing more than to be exactly like him
>I feel like was him, once, in an AU past life

>Think about it, that's exactly what Cloud did in FFVII the original game.

mind = blown

now I wonder if this was a IC troll secret and you got it right away

+1

[(Anonymous)]

Being another person is a path full of lies and disappointment.

Trying to work on your already existing qualities and aiming to recognize and improve on your flaws, on the other hand, holds more promise.

OP (maker of secret)

[(Anonymous)]

Since I'm on a little commentapalooza, I want to direct you to the other four or five comments I made, as I'm trying to say a bunch of things to a bunch of people and hope I'm understood.

And no, it's not really the main or only reason, it was what really pushed me into fully believing it. I wasn't even really sure what transgender was until the FFVII fandom when I met someone like that. He helped explain to me what it is, and I realized a lot of it was how I felt about myself. Zack as a character was only a part of it in that after playing CC, I felt a little something right in my heart/mind/what-have-ye, and it was an intensely good feeling at that.

[(Anonymous)]

what

[iceyred]

Y'all are gonna jump on me, claim that I'm transphobic, that I'm denying someone's identity, and I'm lower than pond scum, but I'm having a really, really hard time believing this secret is real. The wording just screams, 'Troll! Troll that is trying too hard! Troll in the dungeon!'

+1

[littlestbirds]

It's not transphobia to start questioning someone who confesses thoughts of having a past life as a video game character. You're the most sensible person here, seriously. I'm thinking OP read this and found some troll-spiration, threw in the trans part for extra bait.

OP (maker of secret)

[(Anonymous)]

Beyond the other comments I made, admittedly the last couple of lines on the bottom were sort of intentionally trollish, but in a light-hearted sort of way. I'm kind of sorry I put them there. ._.

[world_eater]

Dude, I hate myself as much as the next person, but escapism is not the answer.

OP (maker of secret)

[(Anonymous)]

Just wanted to point out amongst the other comments I left (that I hope you wind up reading) that I really don't hate myself. It was more of a loving myself more because of the realization. Which, I'll say for about the fifth time, was kind of worded wrong. I feel a little awkward and ashamed for not being completely clear about it, but... I do love who I am. There are some places where I have preferences for something different, but the acceptance that they won't be exactly how I want them is oddly just as comforting. Self-loathing and depression is a bit of a foreign idea for me, or at least has been since late high school. I'd like to think I'm a genuinely happy and cheerful individual. To a degree, anyway. :)

[(Anonymous)]

...Cloud?

[cielo]

omg LMFAO

+1

[(Anonymous)]

I feel so horrible, but LOL!

[countess_k]

But wasn't Cloud clueless about who he was projecting until he made a revelation and stopped doing it after that? IIRC he didn't even remember Zack existed and thought all of his experiences were his own so this doesn't really apply.

[(Anonymous)]

I think figuring out who we are, especially if part of who we are is something we didn't expect to become, is really tough shit. And sometimes we look to fictional characters or celebrities or even people we know as the kind of person we want to be like, and that's alright. Look at it this way: it's plagiarism if I copy a story from someone else exactly, but if I read it and get ideas, or really like the writing style and want to incorporate part of that into how I write, then it's pretty well accepted and I'm moving forward and finding out what I want to do with myself. Everybody's a composite of their experiences and their choices and who they decided to be.

It's also really not uncommon to be attracted to someone and at the same time look up to them as a role model. "I want to be them but I also want to fuck them" sounds strange, but it's actually something that a lot of people feel.

But... you're not a narcissist. You're not in love with yourself, you're negating yourself. Whoever you are, you're not Zack. You can be a person with some similarities to him, if that's who you want to be. He can inspire you, if you like. But no matter what, you're still going to be you. And you know what? You have the potential to be somebody really unique and interesting all on your own. I think it's important for you to find who that person is, and live as you. The Zack thing isn't unhealthy as a fantasy, but I think you need to draw the line between pretend you and real you a little harder. You don't seem happy, and I think totally neglecting your real self might be what's hurting you.

You are your own person, and you have worth, and you deserve better than to cover that person up by being somebody else.

OP (maker of secret)

[(Anonymous)]

I said a couple more things in a few other comments I made (completely out of order), but I did want to clarify a few things.

Since I was a little sleep-deprived when I made this secret, I sort of left out something important.

It's not a total transformation into him I desire, more like... an assimilation? If that's even the right term for it. He was like the final piece in a puzzle in my heart that I was missing and didn't even realize, and just knowing of his existence (fictional existence though it may be) was a significant comfort and boost to my self-worth.

I am really happy with myself, much as I'd really like to be male, but I've accepted that the kind of physical body I want is just not feasible in this day and age. Transitioning I'm sure works for other people just dandy, but what I want is medically impossible. I still love myself, have high self-worth, etc., and having him somehow in my life (whether just as a character, as a weird otakukin otherlife thingamajig, or as a part of myself) makes me happier than ever.

Jesus, I hope I make sense.

[(Anonymous)]

If you're not trolling, or Cloud, this may come off as inappropriate, but...

I hate Zack fucking Fair so damn much. I'm a self admitted "original game" elitist and I tend to hate most of the Compilation anyway (though I swear I did give each game a chance), but I had no feelings about Zack one way or the other until I played Crisis Core. Ugh, what a fail. He acts like a naive seven year old kid who believes in Santa instead of acting like someone who, you know, has been trained as a ruthless soldier for an evil government organization and (should be) a hardened war veteran. His characterization in that game was so inappropriate that it's even tainted my ambivalent view of him in the original. Advent Children was the only spinoff that I somewhat enjoyed, and the Complete version of the movie would be superior in all ways except for all the freaking Zack they added (and at additionally inappropriate times).

Feelings! I have them!

OP (maker of secret)

[(Anonymous)]

That's perfectly okay to have thoughts about. I know there's heaps about CC I don't agree with set next to the original game.

I still think he's a fun character, but I know plenty who don't like him and that's fine. Just as I know there are people who don't like me, and that not everyone is going to like a given character, person, whatever. :)

Time-waster warning: link goes to TVTropes

[(Anonymous)]

Inappropriate or not, he doesn't exactly come as a cynical and ruthless war veteran in the original game, either. He's outgoing, he cracks jokes, he takes care of Cloud, he does squats for no reason in the back of trucks. He's basically the red oni (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/RedOniBlueOni) to Sephiroth's (and, to a lesser degree, Cloud's) blue.

Advent Children deviates from the original game's characterizations at least as much as Crisis Core, if not more so.

[countess_k]

I believe Zack Fair was designed to be the ultimate desirable figure of FFVII. Everything about him is prefect, beautiful, and noble. It's all to justify Cloud's denial of his death to the extent that he would lose his mind and start personifying him.

What I'm trying to say is I understand someone liking him very much, and you can try to follow in his footsteps, but I hope you realize you can never be him, not even metaphorically, because he's the creation of a mind aiming for ultimate goodness and unobtainable perfection ,not a real human being and if you try to reach that you may be setting yourself up for failure and risk falling into depression.

[(Anonymous)]

Everything about him is prefect, beautiful, and noble.

I missed that memo.

[littlestbirds]

Um.

I feel like I was him, once, in an AU past life

Flashbacks to the FF7 House (I clicked the link here a few weeks ago, was literally traumatized). If you're not trolling OP, look into it. See if you're still wondering if it's "bad". It's great that you've figured out that you might be trans and it's not narcissism to want to love your own body!! but taking it that far is a sign you're losing touch with reality. Reality isn't that bad OP, I promise.

[(Anonymous)]

I love Zack \o/

[thene]

I get how it feels to find a fictional character who really speaks to you in that way; I've had maybe two or three of those and I don't even want to name them out loud because it would just sound so Sue-ish, when really all I'd ever want to say is thank you, you showed me how to become me, I am seriously not sure what I'd have been without you. (The best part is that I could make a laundry list of things I hate about them either as characters or as - theoretically - people. This is not about liking characters unconditionally.)

This is actually why I hate soulbonders/otakukin so goddamn much. They are taking something that is a normal human creative process of learning and becoming and making it ~all about them being inherently special~. The 'past life' stuff skeeves me - it makes no ontological sense and the way it's termed is WAY out of step with all the actual real religions that have beliefs regarding reincarnation, so it seems really disrespectful and appropriative to me when otakukin bring it up, but here's a better idea: You will be Zack in a future life, namely your own. The idea of him will live in your spine for ever and ever. Touch the back of your neck and draw it out whenever necessary. Because the whole point of hero characters is to share concepts of virtue and to help us learn to become (or to question becoming). They are designed to inspire you and teach you.

(fwiw, I saw your phantom cock comments upthread; phantom cock is pretty common among otherwise cisgender queer women. I don't have it much rn but I had a lot of it in my early teens, and I'm just cis and bi. I just wanted you to know that.)