Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2012-07-17 06:57 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2012-07-17 06:57 pm
[ SECRET POST #2023 ]
⌈ Secret Post #2023 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 066 secrets from Secret Submission Post #289.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 2 - posted twice ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
Re: Not sure how to define my feelings for my friend
I mean, maybe you have romantic feelings for her. Romantic feelings can exist without sexual feelings (you mentioned you were having trouble separating them) and in that case I think it's basically a friend you care about...more. I had a similar friendship several years ago.
If sexual feelings go along with it, you mentioned feeling like it would be disrespectful to your friend. But if that's the case, what are you going to do about it? Sure, you probably don't want to /nurture/ those feelings, since it will only be more troublesome internally, but it sounds like you don't ever plan to address it with your friend, so in my opinion, all you can do is let it be and let it pass.
But you're not sure, and you're wondering about all of this. And so I know it's hard not to analyze all the hints of your feelings to get them completely sorted, but you might not be able to get it all figured out right now. Can you just enjoy your friendship and expressing your care for her?
As I said, I had a similar friendship to this, that didn't end up being anything definitively romantic or sexual, and a second one a couple years later that did turn into a full-blown crush, which eventually passed and was eventually confided in her - three years later, after a couple of drinks and with a lot of laughter. At the time, I wrote a lot in my journal about my feelings and sorted them out that way - I also didn't feel very conflicted about the whole thing.
My best advice is to let the technicalities go and let be what is. Because in the end, what difference does it really make? And I'd stop worrying about feeling disrespectful or guilty - feelings happen, all different kinds of them. If you do realize yours are more romantic/sexual than friendly, that will become clear. And that will also be fine.
OP
(Anonymous) 2012-07-18 12:58 am (UTC)(link)I think nurturing those feelings and messing up the friendship is one of the things I'm afraid of, that if she should find out and not reciprocate it would make her feel uncomfortable (and I don’t want to cause her discomfort). Not so much discomfort with me having feelings, but rather fear that it might change things between us when our friendship is already really good and important to both of us. Hm, I don’t know. Maybe I’m more conflicted than I realized, and just need to let myself accept whatever I do feel. Overthinking this probably won’t help me, and yeah… I care about her and enjoy our friendship, and there’s not really any reason why wondering about these feelings should change that. In the end I guess it doesn’t really matter?
Thanks, you’ve given me something to think about.