[ SECRET POST #2037 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2037 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 067 secrets from Secret Submission Post #291.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - personal attack ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Okay, it might just be me not being tuned in at all into expectations when it comes to looks but my experience is vastly different from yours.

I never wear makeup unless I go to a party and even then it's just eyeliner, I have flawed skin and I've never covered that up, I normally just run around in jeans and a shirt. I'm overweight (though not overly so) and I go out in sweats, including ridiculous outfits when I go for a run.

I never had any bad experience with it, people still flirt with me even though I'm only in a shirt and jeans that I owned for over two years.

It's all about how comfortable you feel in your own skin. Sure if you reek or if you look unclean people probably won't want to fuck you. But otherwise it's also always a matter of self-confidence and how you interact with people.

I have a friend who always wonders why no one will talk to her at parties. The reason isn't that she doesn't look good but she stand around, clutching her jacket or arms crossed in front of her and giving of an air of "don't talk to me!"

Also, how do you know people think you're ugly? As far as I'm aware most people who you'd actually want anything to do with don't run around judging everyone who doesn't look perfect. You don't know what other people think but you ascribe how you see to self to other people. Which is kind of stupid.

And don't even get me started on how men don't have it that much better than we women.

[(Anonymous)]

da

Do you know how I know people think I'm ugly?

Because women who look like me are ostracized and discriminated against.

Because women who look like me are trashed online, in magazines, on the television, on the internet. Literally everywhere. (Welcome to the experience of the fat woman.)

Because people outright tell me, "I'm glad I don't look like you" (a supposed "friend" told me that one), "damn you're ugly," "you've got a nice personality, shame about your body," "if you'd only lose weight/wear more makeup/get surgery/etc. people would love you!" (Who said that last one? My mother.)

I don't reek. I take care of myself. I wear cute clothes, sometimes a little makeup, do my hair nicely, I'm not afraid to talk to people, I'm friendly and very polite.

This is a common experience for women. I would imagine you're probably quite conventionally attractive (having "flawed skin" and wearing t-shirts and jeans doesn't make you "ugly" or not conventionally attractive), hence your experiences. Very conventionally attractive women have different experiences from women who aren't conventionally attractive.

And no, men do not in any way have it as bad as women do. Men get a metric fuckton of leeway in what it means to be conventionally attractive. Conventionally attractive men can be fat, they can be thin, they can be muscular, they can be svelte, they can have facial hair, they can be shaved, they can have any kind of hair, they can wear makeup, they can never wear makeup, they can have poor skin, they can have callouses, they can have any skin color, they can have any kind of face shape, etc. etc. They get a fuckton of leeway with regards to personality and attitude, too. Don't you even think of going on about oh the poor mens, because it'll be a lot of lies.

[lori-hu.livejournal.com]

I believe Family Guy's Peter Griffin summed it up as follows: "Lois, men aren't fat. Only fat women are fat." And fat, for a woman, is practically skeletal.

[(Anonymous)]

ayrt

Sounds about right, yeah. Ugh, don't even get me started on beauty standards for women, especially what is and isn't considered "fat." I could go on forever about how horrible it all is.

[anonymouslyyours]

A-fucking-men! Also I'm really sorry you have to deal with this. This thread and all of it. I hope something really good happens to you. *hugs*

[(Anonymous)]

ayrt

Thank you so much. *hugs!* I have a beautiful, amazing girlfriend now, but I dealt with this kind of shit for so many years before I realized I was gay, and still deal with a lot of it (especially the lingering feelings of not being good enough, feeling ugly, unwanted, etc.), and it can be incredibly upsetting. Gotta work on chilling out now. Thanks again. <3

[anonymouslyyours]

It's great to hear something great already happened to you! I wish only good things continue as well!

I went through an ugly little phase where I tried to compensate for my sexual orientation behaving and dressing more feminine. Of course now that I'm comfortable in my own skin I get way more compliments, and now usually even from the "right" people.

[threeonetwo]

I was talking about how media and society generally expect women to get all dressed up like they're going on a date all the time, nothing to do with reeking or looking unclean. One former coworker had our boss complain to her that she never wore makeup. Our workplace? A dog grooming shop, where she spent the entire day scrubbing poop out of fur and getting soaked, slobbered on, and plenty of other things. Whether she wore makeup outside of work should have been her business and no one else's(she would frequently talk about her favorite brands on breaks so I assume she did), but apparently being in the back where no one will see you with a dress code of "something comfortable that you don't mind getting dirty and for the love of god don't wear nice shoes" means omg, put some concealer on, ew! Meanwhile, of of the guys who worked there would normally show up looking like he just rolled out of bed and headed to work was totally fine even if his hair hadn't been washed in forever and he kind of smelled.

And how do I know people think I'm ugly? Uh, let's see, personal experience? Being laughed at and having nasty comments directed at me no matter how nice I try to look? Having that shit thrown at me constantly since I was a child, even by adult caretakers? There are plenty of ways I know. You're either conventionally attractive or at least average, or you live in a seriously lax area when it comes to what's expected of women.