Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2012-07-31 07:03 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2012-07-31 07:03 pm
[ SECRET POST #2037 ]
⌈ Secret Post #2037 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 067 secrets from Secret Submission Post #291.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - personal attack ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2012-08-01 01:57 am (UTC)(link)Anyway, for you, while I totally agree that women are stuck between much narrower goalposts to define what is attractive than men are, I think another big part of this is just self confidence.
A lot of people are telling you to "make" yourself more attractive, and I couldn't disagree more. If that is what you want, then more power to you. There are a million and one beauty blogs, videos, etc., out there on the internet if you're interested in going that route. If not, you shouldn't feel pressured to, at all.
Attraction is about so much more than whether you fit into a conventional mold or not. A lot of it is just a numbers game: the more people you're exposed to and talk to, the more likely you are to find someone to date. This is sort of my pep talk to myself when I go out somewhere on a day where I'm feeling pretty crummy about myself: if there are twenty heterosexual men in that room (for my heterosexual woman self), it's probable that at least one will find me physically attractive, and maybe a couple more won't think I'm the hottest woman evar, but might like my personality and find me more attractive for that. And if nobody does, there's always another day. It's just as much about finding people with similar interests, hobbies, politics, whatever, as it is about looking one way or another.
I'm not denying that there are unreasonable beauty standards out there or pressure to look a certain way, and I'm not denying that these things shape the way other people will look at you. But it is my firm belief that extremely ugly people are just as rare as extremely beautiful people, and most of us are somewhere in the more ordinary spectrum, whether we recognize that or not.
And finally, honestly, there is so much more to life than who wants to bone you. It's a great confidence booster to find out someone you find attractive also finds you attractive, sure, but it's short-lived compared to the joys of learning not to give a fuck and doing the work to truly love yourself. As an anecdote, I've also found that potential daters tend to come to me when I'm not looking, because I'm too busy being FUCKING AWESOME to go looking for them, and there's something magnetic about that.
this is good comment
(Anonymous) 2012-08-01 05:24 pm (UTC)(link)