[ SECRET POST #2037 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2037 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 067 secrets from Secret Submission Post #291.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - personal attack ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I really hate your list. It's kind of incredibly sexist, particularly the second point. A person shouldn't have to change everything about the way they look just to have someone speak to them. Beauty norms for women are so incredibly hyper-strict that there's no winning if you didn't win the genetic lottery already. Making it about the woman's appearance just increases stress and decreases self-esteem - while excusing the super-strict beauty standards enforced by men and patriarchal society as a whole and essentially giving men an "out" to be picky, sexist jerks while making it the sole fault of women for not being "good enough."

The whole "A woman who cares about their appearance enough..." is not only a flat-out lie (hi, I'm a woman who cares about her appearance, does her hair nice, wears cute clothes, goes the whole nine and has never in her life gotten positive male attention!), but it's sexist as fuck.

Also, seriously? If men get so hung up on "unkempt hair" that they turn right away from someone, they should be smacked. The fuck.

[velvet_mace]

You live in lala land if you think part of dating isn't trying to attract and impress the person. Call it sexist all you want. In a special world people will be attracted to your sparkly personality alone -- except chances are if you aren't caring for your appearance your personality isn't all that sparkly either. You also live in la la land if you think that guys don't have to watch their appearance when trying to get a woman to say yes for the first time, too. I know "grass is greener" and all that, but really, all you have to do is observe to know that guys primp and are image conscience, too.

[insanenoodlyguy]

You know what? No.

You focused a bit on hair, lets go with that.

I see a girl with unkempt hair. It's not just simply, "oh, she doesn't ascribe to my standard of beauty, reject!" that might be going through my head. Though even if we assume exactly that, I and anybody else can have whatever fucking standards we want. You better have some tough hands, you'd break em walking down the street otherwise lashing out all all the judgmental fucks out there.

But beyond that, the thought process goes to "she doesn't take care of this simple thing, what else might she not be doing?" It suggests a certain lack of caring about oneself which could indicate any number of things: Depression, poor hygene, some lack of basic competence. you might nave none of those things, certainly. But I'm sure you'd at least agree with me when I say we all tend to be pretty judgmental based on brief first impressions right? Even if it shouldn't be, it sure as hell is now.

Now, if you don't give a fuck about me, that's fine. If you are actually thinking I should find you attractive though, it's not up to a guy to start caring more when you clearly don't care enough yet. "You'll like me if you try hard enough to be less shallow" frankly sounds like the sort of horseshit a "nice guy" says.

[(Anonymous)]

ayrt

Seriously? You see a girl with ruffled or rumpled hair and automatically think she doesn't take care of herself?

I mean, goddamn. I guess everybody must think I don't take care of myself cos my hair looks better artistically messed up.

Also, um, unkempt =/= dirty. wtf.

[velvet_mace]

Well wait here. Are you talking about spending 5-10-15 minutes in the morning putting gel through your hair and teasing it so that it stands up in an artistically mussed way? Because dude, that's not unkempt. Unkempt is not putting anything in your hair and letting it get messed up, not artistically, but haphazardly by mother nature. And let me tell you, Mother nature is a poor hairdresser.

If you are just not bothering to brush your hair and think you look like those people with artistically mussed hair you see in posters -- well, news, you don't. Those people who you see on the streets with artistically mussed hair worked hard to get it that way with combs and hair product and special salon cuts. That's not just random matts made by not combing.

[(Anonymous)]

ayrt

Actually, my hair looks good without needing product and all that shit. (And it's super short, so brushing it does exactly jack shit.) But you know, whatever.

Unkempt hair = pretty hot, on the right person. And no, I don't mean "spends time working on their hair and putting product in and getting exactly the right hair cut and so on". I mean "wake up and walk out the door" unkempt.

(Obviously that doesn't work for me when my hair's long, but when it's short like it is now, it totally works.)

I love when people assume no one's hair can possibly look good unless they spend half an hour working on it with product and umpteen hundred other things every morning. Shit, I don't have the time for that. Or the money, for that matter. Run a brush through it, done. If the wind messes it up later, WHO THE FUCK CARES, oh my god.

Thinking women don't care about their appearance if they don't fix their hair every time the wind blows, my fucking GOD.

[velvet_mace]

YOu honestly think that going to get your hair cut every 6 weeks doesn't count as taking care of your hair? Sure if you have a pixie cut you aren't going to need to spend a lot of time combing it. I've got a pixie cut, too. However if you are walking out the door with half of it sticking up sideways looks good, you may be deluding yourself.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't get my hair cut every six weeks. No one I know gets their hair cut every six weeks. I'm lucky if I get my hair cut every six months, because I don't have the money for shit like that. Nice classism, what with your assuming everyone can afford the level of cosmetic perfection you think we should all aspire to. And by "we" I mean "women" because your shit is also sexist as hell.

[insanenoodlyguy]

Watch out, we got a social justice warrior over here.

[gobbledigook]

omfg are you seriously picking a fight with her because she assumed you could afford a haircut?

[insanenoodlyguy]

Seriously. Odds are pretty good though that's not the sole factor here for somebody who doesn't care about their appearance. I focused on one point but there's probably 5 or 6 other things going on at the same time.

Artistically messed up looks very different then uncared for. More then anything though, we all project our attitudes, usually more then we realize. The person who thinks "I look good like this!" carries themselves differently then "I don't give a shit about this" tends to. That'll change response and perception as well.

[(Anonymous)]

ayrt

I just can't get over the fact that you think a woman doesn't care about hygiene or her appearance if she doesn't fix her hair every time the wind blows. Jesus fuck.

I suppose if there's a run in her tights it means she's careless and horrible, too?

Oh, what if the clasp of her necklace slips down next to the charm? Totes lazy and doesn't care about appearance there.

Ugh. You really disgust me.

[velvet_mace]

You seem to be acting like there is only two states of being -- every hair in place all the time, or never brushing your hair at all ever. Give the hyperbole a break and admit there is such a thing as basic hygiene.

[insanenoodlyguy]

wow. You've read some interesting things I never said here. Strawman me is quite a guy.

Yeah. I'll give you this: I don't think your real problem is your hair.

[veronica_rich]

Depends on what you mean by "taking care of this simple thing" with hair. I have easily flyaway hair. I also have prematurely graying hair. I used to color it myself, but past a certain age it looked worse. I use shampoos, conditioners (expensive ones), Biosilk (which actually works the best) - understand this isn't for any man or anyone but myself, to try to look presentable. But, alas, it's still not terribly attractive. Pretty much the only way it WOULD be is if I were willing to drop $100+ a month on professional cuts and coloring.

Now, maybe you and the women you know can afford that. I can't. I have other bills that demand my attention, and I don't quite yet earn Christian Grey's salary (though I'm working on it, by god!). So my feminine pride-and-joy is just going to have to deal with what I can do with it, and the public who doesn't like it, including any men with comments, are just going to have to fuck themselves. :-D

[velvet_mace]

Oh god, you too? I'm prematurely grey myself. Started going grey in highschool -- how does that suck. Now I'm more salt than pepper and I've decided not to dye my hair anymore. It's actually reached a point where it's crossed the line twice and gone back to looking somewhat cool. My hair looks light silvery in the front and steely dark in the back. No one will mistake me for a 30 year old, but I'm kind of rocking the older woman look.

[veronica_rich]

Ugh. Mine is in that middle stage of UGH where it's still too brunette to make the white look good (i.e., not enough white), and my face is still too young-looking to try to put more white in it somehow, despite being 40 this year. But you know, women who dye their hair dark at my age - some manage to make it look good, but I think most of us just look like we're trying to be 20 again. Except for the better body/health, I don't WANT to be 20 again, LOL. I actually like the concept of being gray, but I can't carry it off yet. Grr.

[velvet_mace]

I'm 46. I just sucked it up and dyed my hair. No one mistook me for a 20 year old, but they did see me as my actual age and not old. Any chance it's in wide streaks? Because that goes well with the fashion of getting your hair colored multiple colors.

[veronica_rich]

Of course it isn't - it's in that dickish "a few strands here and there threaded throughout" that you can't do anything WITH. I wish it were in skunk streaks.

Anyway, as I said, I don't object to dying philosophically - just that it costs too much to maintain and keep looking good. I mean, I could afford it if I didn't want to save for much else, but I kind of like having a savings account and doing something every so often. ;-)

thank you sir

[littlestbirds]

I don't have the energy to go through all the "fuck no" going around this thread, so let me just say this: Thank you for calling people on this bullshit.

You've got it right, this is the exact fucking inverse of the nice guy line, and it pisses me off just as much.

How you present yourself is a choice. Own your choices.