fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2037 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2037 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 067 secrets from Secret Submission Post #291.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - personal attack ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Nothing you say can or will soften the blow. They will always ask themselves what they did wrong or what they could have done to help you. It's not something that they can go over it. They will go on with their lives, but the hole and pain won't go away, they'll just learn to ignore it for longer periods of time. They won't ever really forget or stop missing you.

I know it's your decision and I'm just a stranger on the internet, but please, please don't do it, not even as just plans on your head for an undefined point in time.

If you feel that writing them is making you feel better, idk, keep writing them, I guess, but repeating it over and over in your mind does risk an ideation effect like someone above said, and you might end up convincing yourself to go through with it.

Maybe try writing about how you feel, why you'd like to do it, and then use that a springboard to see if you can find why you feel like that?

If this is something not caused by something physical (lack of nutrients like lithium, something not working right physically in your brain, etc.), and it's more of a personal emotions thing, and you're already writing about, you can try to explore your own mind through those notes and see what you feel is wrong and what you can do to fix it.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I went through several years of being tempted to kill myself, and the thing that stopped me was that I, unthinkingly, asked my mom, hypothetically, what would she do if I killed myself. She answered, without hesitation, that she would kill herself to. That stopped me right cold, but the depression and feelings of helplessness didn't go away.

What finally worked for me, on the emotional not medical side, was that I got fed up of the effect all that anxiety and sadness was having on me (the headaches, the stomachaches, the chest pain, not digesting the little food I ate well, the room closing in on me during the worst of it, etc.), so I just tried very, very hard not to think about whatever was making me feel sad or bad at the moment, and try to get distracted by something else.

Eventually, I managed to through several hours without dark thought, with more practice, days, then weeks, and now months.

I still get some tempting thoughts, begging me to go down that spiral again, but I remember how awful I felt and shake them off before they take a hold of me, and while I feel that I didn't truly deal with my personal demons, I do feel happier, so I guess it worked.

On the medical side, it turned out that the worst of it was caused by a lack of lithium. This is why I sometimes pop into some comments and suggest to people feeling depressed to try dates (the fruit), because I coincidentally ate them and felt, well, not "cured", but better, and then found out how they were super rich and lithium, found that lithium is necessary for you not to go depressed (and the few food items that gave me an appetite were also rich in lithium, on hindsight).

I don't know what other nutrients are required to remain in balance inside you, but this is the one that comes immediately to mind. You might want to research more about the topic, if you'd like?

About lithium:

http://www.collectivewizdom.com/Lithium-LithiumRichFoods.html

Dates (try them if you're not allergic or something, if it's possible? It might help you rule out that at least):

https://www.google.com/search?q=dates+fruit&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-GB:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&hl=en&tbm=isch&source=og&sa=N&tab=wi&ei=5qQYUOzXCeiHmQWH1oGwCw&biw=1024&bih=579&sei=6aQYULiuGInamAWhqYCADQ

In the spirit of full disclosure, I went through several years of being tempted to kill myself, and the thing that stopped me was that I, unthinkingly, asked my mom, hypothetically, what would she do if I killed myself. She answered, without hesitation, that she would kill herself to. That stopped me right cold, but the depression and feelings of helplessness didn't go away.

First-degree bereavement (that's spouse, parent or child) is THE event that's most likely to trigger stress and depression, and the traumatic effect of sudden or violent deaths compounds that. (So in that regard, your family would probably suffer more damage if they didn't know you were suicidal than if you do tell them). There's also a lot of evidence that depression is hereditary. So yeah, OP, it is fairly probable that if you kill yourself it will lead to someone in your immediate family feeling the exact same way you do now.

ayrt

...You know what, I had never thought about it, but there has been depression and alcoholism on both sides of my family and thinking of it I can think of other family members who weren't exactly very sane.

Huh.

Er, thank you! This is awkward to think about but I feel better now that I know that there is probably something genetic going on.

(One more reason not to have kids; first it was my grandma being a twin, thus increasing the chances I would have twins myself, now this? Nawww. And actually, there there are some autoimmune possibly genetic diseases on my dad's side of the family ah I'm not passing on these genes okay.)

asdkjhkhd er disregard the part between the parentheses overshared orz

why do i keep overthinking this oh

this is what happens when one comments so late at night

ffff don't worry about it. I totally hear you on the further-incentives-to-not-have-babies; my family is shot through with physical and mental disorders, and I got interested in the whole hereditary mental illness/bereavement trauma thing because my sister developed depression after our mother died of a platelet disorder, and I'm pretty sure (looking back at her behaviour) my mother was an undiagnosed depressive too. there see I overshared too.

...huh, not sure why it logged me out; the above comment is from me.

ayrt

Aw, you're sweetheart. Thank you.

[ SECRET POST #2037 ]

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