fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2041 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2041 ⌋

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I've been seeing a lot of people ask questions about masturbation in the general comments thread lately so I thought this would be a good place to ask a question I've been wondering about for a while, but too embarrassed to bring up.

I'm a female and when I masturbate, I never actually touch myself. I just kind of grind my body on my bed. It feels really nice and I have what I would consider an orgasm (I'm a virgin so I have no other frame of reference).

So my questions are: Am I doing it wrong? Does anyone else masturbate this way? Am I missing out on something better by not using my hands?

Thank you for your time. I think it's wonderful that we can talk so freely about these kind of things here.

Please don't believe that sex guarantees better or realer orgasms than masturbation. You will be disappointed.

Also, no, I don't think you're not doing it wrong. Everyone masturbates whatever way they like, there isn't a right way to do it imo

Hahahahaha. THIS! Trust me. My SO is great, but no one makes me orgasm harder than myself.

DA

Seriously! No one I've been with has been able to give me orgasms as good as I can myself. :P

The thing about masturbation is, as long as you're getting pleasure out of it there's no wrong way to do it!

I know people who used to ah... misuse their teddy bears. Apparently the hard button noses felt really great against the clit. You can do the same with the arms of a couch.

Personally I've always used my hands or a vibrating toy. A few times I've used the shower nozzle, because hands-free is always great (and if you have really hard water pressure... well then ;D) Every way can feel different and also affect how strong of an orgasm you have. But as long as you're enjoying yourself, there's no wrong way to go about it.

How a person masturbates is a deeply personal thing. There is no right or wrong way to do it; there is only what works for you.

The way you do it, the grinding, may actually help when you get to the point where you want to experience it via intercourse, because you're training your muscles to bring you to that point with only minor stimulation.

If you want to branch out, you can try it with your fingers or with toys that can be inserted vaginally or simply used to externally stimulate the clitoris (a battery operated butterfly isn't actually inserted into you), but an orgasm is an orgasm. About the only thing that might change is the intensity of it.

You aren't doing it wrong. There are about as many different ways to masturbate as there are to have sex with another person, and as long as what you're doing feels good to you, it's all good!

Having sex with someone else won't necessarily change your frame of reference in regards to orgasms, though. I knew for sure what an orgasm was, and that I'd had them, way before I had sex with anyone else. To be cliched about it (at least if you've read a ton of teen magazines), it's one of those things you just know.

are you me

I do it this way too

it does feel good but I, too, wonder if what I feel is an orgasm because it's not very intense

and I can't keep going or do it again because apparently I have a refractory period whoops

I do it the same way you do and after many years of that I thought, hey, everyone else seems to use their fingers so I tried that. I'm pretty sure I got rub burns and didn't get off nearly as quickly. So it's probably something unique to each person.

That's how I already used to do it - I stopped for a while because I thought humping things was kind of childish/weird, then I found out that it's actually not that uncommon, so, um. :P Pillows are funnn.

What I've found is - touching myself directly (generally with a lot of lube) can be really awesome if I'm in the right mood and just as intense, if not more so, as the way I usually do it, but if I'm in the wrong mood it can be awkward and painful and messy and doing it through my underwear or grinding on something is easier and much more likely to lead to guaranteed orgasms. So I'd say it's worth experimenting, but no, you are not doing it wrong!

There is no such thing as 'doing it wrong' for masturbation. Masturbation is the ultimate alternative to 'doing it wrong', because you're the one who's both providing and experiencing the stimulation, so whatever the hell feels good is by definition doing it right.

As long as you feel good and what your doing doesn't result in any permanent changes to your body (like huge calloused flesh or scars or something) you are doing it right.

I do this as well, or something similar anyway (I wouldn't call it grinding), and it worries me because I've tried to get off with my fingers and I can't do it. :/

It took me a couple of tries to make the transition to fingers but once I figured it out... wow. I never went back.

YMMV of course.

Edited 2012-08-04 23:04 (UTC)

It took me quite a while to figure out what to do with my fingers. The first time I tried, it was a dismal failure and I didn't try again for over a year. It took experimentation, porny fanfic and, I am embarrassed to admit, a boyfriend with some sexual experience before I really got the hang of it. (NOTE: do not wait for some guy to show you the ropes. Even if the first guy who comes along is a total sex god who magically knows how to get you off with no trial and error whatsoever, there's no reason to wait for that when you can do it for yourself now.)

I find myself wanting to help you but stymied by the fact that I really can't explain what to do because I have no idea what is likely to get you off. :( I can only recommend experimentation, lubricant (either your own or from a tube) and maybe porn fic with at least one clit in it.

not anon you replied to, but in the same situation — thanks for the advice!

(late reply because I forgot about posting here, oops)

The thing is I've tried, quite a bit. Pretty much everything you've said. Multiple times. So... I don't know. Maybe I'll keep at it but it's frustrating.

The only way I like to do it is like that, with my hands on my breasts.

If you are enjoying yourself, you're not doing it wrong. :)

[ SECRET POST #2041 ]

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