fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2041 ]

[ SECRET POST #2041 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2041 ⌋

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

So, up until now I've been pretty sure I was asexual, but I recently discovered I really like masturbation. I still have no desire to have sex with anyone else, have never been sexually attracted to anyone, and even masturbation doesn't feel "sexual" to me if that makes any sense (it's kind of on the same level as reading a book or watching a movie for me, which I don't think is the case for other people). I feel weird and slightly confused now, though, and don't know whether I should start identifying as something else instead (celibate maybe?)

Asexuals can masturbate.

Behavior =/= attraction.

I'm asexual and I masturbate, I'm also not sexually attracted to people. My hormones are silly things so I get randomly aroused some times.

You can also be a celibate asexual since some asexuals have sex for various reasons.

Asexuality is simply a lack of sexual attraction. Period. Many asexuals do masturbate. It depends on the person, but some find it to be an annoying itch they have to scratch sometimes, while others enjoy it-alone. I'm asexual, and I get, ah, 'urges' right before my period hits each month. It's not directed at anyone or anything, just that aching feeling. Touching alone takes care of it, no thoughts or anything needed.

Which it's fine if you do not feel you are asexual (Your sexuality is something that you figure out for yourself!) Just know that you can be asexual and masturbate.

Good luck, anon. :)

NA

I'm glad I read this comment. Helps to know others feel the same way. Especially this part: some find it to be an annoying itch they have to scratch sometime - that's exactly how it is for me. I don't really enjoy it but it ends up being something that I end up having to do.

Glad I could help :) There's topics like that from time to time on AVEN, too. You're def. not alone, anon!

AYRT

I see someone in another sub-thread mentioned not going to the forums for AVEN - what's the issue there?

DA

There's a lot of racism and cissexism going on along with some asexual elitism. Moderators ban people who try to call that shit out, and so it's filled with people who just don't care.

That's not to say all the forum topics are like that, but there are a few that are.

AYRT

Guess I won't be going there! Thanks for telling me. Are there other communities that are more friendly?

ayrt

Tumblr has quite a few spaces that have some good asexual stuff out there, but there are a lot of assholes about (mostly not asexual though). There are a few LJ communities that used to have drama but it's died down a lot. There are also a few places on FB if you are comfortable with that.

Also Reddit has an asexual group, but it is reddit...so probably not much better.

AYRT

Okay, sounds like it's best to stick to my own journal ... oh well.

ayrt

That's what I've done :(

I wanted to join in on the tumblr thing, but so many people are harassed when they post anything in the asexual tag.

LJ's asexuality journal isn't so bad rn, but like all LJ things...not much is there now.

AYRT

I have a Dreamwidth account but no LJ ... there's a comm on dreamwidth as well but not very active - seems like most of the posts are by one person.

I tried AVEN forums quite awhile back but it was filled with people being all "sex is so grossssss" which I am not a fan of. Just screams of immature kids. Also a lot of elitist behavior and slut shaming type of behavior in general.

AYRT

Yeah, now that I know what asexuality is I'm so past the "sex is gross!" stage, because now I understand why others seemed to make such a big deal of it when I couldn't care less. But yeah, sounds like another reason to keep to my own journal

Not really? Asexual means lack of sexual attraction to other people, not that you're completely void of a sex drive. Since you mention that you're still not sexually attracted to other people then I'd say you're still asexual...though, at the end of the day it's still up to you what you decide to call yourself.

[Also, I'd recommend going and checking the information pages at AVEN - it might clear up some stuff for you, though I'm...a little hesitant to recommend going on their forums.]

OP

I was kind of purposely avoiding AVEN. I figured it would be covered there, but uh, from my experience there in the past, most of the people are batshit insane. (Not all of them, I'm sure, there are probably some that are sane, but most just seemed crazy/not exactly pleasant people.)

But yeah, thanks. The people that have commented have made me feel better. After all the angst and confusion I went through before finding the asexual label, it would kind of suck to have to give it up and go back to square one.

Yeah, it really would suck.

My experience on AVEN...Most of the people seemed alright, tbh, but I've had some problems with one of the mods ['HOW DAR U SAY -ZX THEORY ON RELATIONSHIPS- ISN'T FOR YOU WHEN THE OP ASKED FOR OPINIONS!' and just...yeah. : / Plus they let some people really start ganging up and attacking some others in chat...and the mod [different one] just kinda sat there and watched. SO.] But that's why I recommended their front/FAQ-ish pages, and not the actual forum itself.

Still, I'm glad you're feeling better!

Verbs not nouns. What do you think about while masturbating? Is it just this urge/feeling or is it picturing a person and wanting to have sex with them or something else?

I'm asexual and I masturbate, but it's never about me having sex or fantasies. It's usually just a thing I do with no mental fantasizing involved, or sometimes thinking about other people - like thinking about porny fic I've read or something.

It's fine to question your sexuality, but if the only reason your questioning being asexual is because you masturbate sometimes then no, you're still asexual.

OP

I...don't really think about anything while doing it, honestly. The majority of the time I'm also watching TV, so I'm paying attention to what's going on in the show/movie I'm watching. And if I'm not watching TV, my mind wanders onto other things like something I forgot to do at work and I need to do the next time I'm there, or that I need to go grocery shopping or whatever. That's why I said it doesn't really seem sexual to me. Verrrrrry rarely do I ever think of another person at all, and if I do it's definitely not in a sexual context.

if the only reason your questioning being asexual is because you masturbate sometimes then no, you're still asexual.

Pretty much, yeah, so thanks for that. I feel better now. :)

DA

Fft that reminds me of the time I was masturbating and could only think of the math test I was sure I'd failed.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #2041 ]

Another masturbation question...probably TMI

Re: Another masturbation question...probably TMI

Re: Another masturbation question...probably TMI

Re: Another masturbation question...probably TMI

Re: Another masturbation question...probably TMI

Re: Another masturbation question...probably TMI

Re: Another masturbation question...probably TMI

Re: Another masturbation question...probably TMI

Re: Another masturbation question...probably TMI

Re: Another masturbation question...probably TMI

Re: Another masturbation question...probably TMI

Re: Another masturbation question...probably TMI

da

Re: da

I'll just repost this here

Re: I'll just repost this here

Re: I'll just repost this here

Re: Another masturbation question...probably TMI

Re: Another masturbation question...probably TMI

Re: Another masturbation question...probably TMI