Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2012-08-04 03:45 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2012-08-04 03:45 pm
[ SECRET POST #2041 ]
⌈ Secret Post #2041 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 05 pages, 125 secrets from Secret Submission Post #292.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
The Dark Magic of Tentacles: A Lord Voldemort/Giant Squid story for anonymouslyyours
In honor of anonymoslyyours foregoing all of her dignity and sanity to draw a Voldemort/Giant Squid pic, I have also decided to forego all of my dignity and sanity and I am delivering unto you, f!S, a fic to accompany said picture.
Because all of you need the image of Lord Voldemort fucking the Giant Squid burned into your brains for the rest of your lives.
Dear god, I can feel hell's flames licking at my toes.
Disclaimer: Harry Potter does not belong to me, and JKR is prematurely rolling in her grave over the mere thought that this fic actually exists. WHAT HAVE I DONE.
Uh, also, crack crack crack ahoy, if you haven't, uh, guessed yet.
***
The day that Voldemort seized Hogwarts castle was one of the happiest days of his life, for many reasons. He found the school fascinating; it was extremely magical, and it housed one of his Horcruxes. He also loved brainwashing young witches and wizards in favor of his dogma. However, there was another reason that Lord Voldemort was thrilled on that day, and it had to do with the simple fact that he had a nagging problem.
His problem had nothing to do with his plans for world domination. The Death Eaters and snatchers and magical creatures were busy terrifying hideous muggles and muggle-borns into submission, and he was certain that he would catch Harry Potter at any moment and be rid of the foolish boy once and for all. No, things were definitely going his way on that front. The problem instead was of a much more. . .personal nature.
Namely, Lord Voldemort had a problem, and it involved being very horny.
For most evildoers, this would not be a problem; they would go fuck one of their henchmen and be done with it. However, Lord Voldemort found sex with humans to be truly disgusting; they made dying noises when they weren’t and they all had hair in strange places and they were expected to get pleasure out of the whole ordeal, which was really very annoying.
No, what Lord Voldemort wanted most in the bedroom was something that, like him, transcended beyond a mere human being, something immortal (or nearly so), and something entirely dangerous, deadly, and sexy.
He wanted to fuck the Giant Squid.
So, the night after Lord Voldemort seized the castle, he decided to do exactly that.
***
The trees rustled around Voldemort as he strode across the grounds of Hogwarts school. It was past two AM, and he was all alone; this was mostly thanks to the curfew guidelines that he had begun to recently enforce. He smiled at the thought as he strode over to the Great Lake where his future secret lover lay in wait.
When he arrived at the edge of the Lake, he peered into the murky waters below. He could see nothing; this made him laugh quietly to himself.
“Coy beast,” he murmured.
Then he cast a bubble charm over his head, and dove into the lake without removing any of his clothes.
Immediately the enormous beast was upon him.
“GRAWWWW” it cried.
Voldemort smiled and released a squid pheromone potion in the water. The squid’s one eye and large beak opened in sexual enthusiasm. Its tentacles began stroking Voldemort everywhere they could reach. Before long, the squid had stripped Voldemort of all of his clothing; they were tentacle on skin.
The Giant Squid rubbed Voldemort against its face as it used one tentacle to suction at Voldemort’s penis, and several others to suction at his legs, neck, and back. When the Giant Squid put its ink gland towards his penis, Voldemort came violently all over it. Completely spent, he magicked his clothes back on and shot up out of the water using magic to propel the water behind him. Then, after drying himself off with his wand, he strolled nonchalantly off of the grounds, and apparated back to his lair, able to once again focus on evil and all sorts of things like that.
No one would ever need to know.
***
Hundreds of years later, people travel around the world to tour Hogwarts’s Great Lakes and the unique humanoids who live within. Tourists back away in terror at the squid-like creatures who wave out of the water; they have heard stories of people who have been eaten while walking too close. Pictures are snapped at the creatures; people from all around are always amazed about how the squids look at once human and squidlike and snakelike.
One astute child, knowledgeable in magical history, says that the creatures look a tiny bit like Lord Voldemort. She is given an ice cream cone, told that she has a fantastic imagination, and promptly dismissed.
Because, after all, the Great Lake having squids that look like Lord Voldemort would possibly be the most preposterous thing in all of creation.
Wouldn’t it?
Re: The Dark Magic of Tentacles: A Lord Voldemort/Giant Squid story for anonymouslyyours
I'm also very flattered by the idea that I had dignity and sanity to forego in the first place.
Re: The Dark Magic of Tentacles: A Lord Voldemort/Giant Squid story for anonymouslyyours
Then again, you did create the initial artwork, so perhaps I am assuming too much. . .
(The sanity and dignity lost on my part is actually nonexistent, but I do like to pretend I have something to lose.)
Thanks!
Re: The Dark Magic of Tentacles: A Lord Voldemort/Giant Squid story for anonymouslyyours
(Anonymous) 2012-08-05 06:13 am (UTC)(link)Re: The Dark Magic of Tentacles: A Lord Voldemort/Giant Squid story for anonymouslyyours
Re: The Dark Magic of Tentacles: A Lord Voldemort/Giant Squid story for anonymouslyyours
(Anonymous) 2012-08-05 10:30 pm (UTC)(link)That is the most beautifully disturbing thing ever.
You're good at drawing!
Re: The Dark Magic of Tentacles: A Lord Voldemort/Giant Squid story for anonymouslyyours
Re: The Dark Magic of Tentacles: A Lord Voldemort/Giant Squid story for anonymouslyyours
(Anonymous) 2012-08-05 06:09 am (UTC)(link)the ending was the best
you wonderful person
I can't even type right
you don't want to know how many typos I've erased just trying to write this comment
Re: The Dark Magic of Tentacles: A Lord Voldemort/Giant Squid story for anonymouslyyours
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You're the best.
Re: The Dark Magic of Tentacles: A Lord Voldemort/Giant Squid story for anonymouslyyours
Re: The Dark Magic of Tentacles: A Lord Voldemort/Giant Squid story for anonymouslyyours
As a show of my appreciation, have a work-safe Harry/Giant Squid fic - complete with tiny Harry!squids :D
http://ishtar.fanficauthors.net/Harry_Potter_and_the_Giant_Squid/The_Giant_Squid/
Re: The Dark Magic of Tentacles: A Lord Voldemort/Giant Squid story for anonymouslyyours
Aww thank you for the compliment. I'm glad my horrifying creation brought joy to someone.
Re: The Dark Magic of Tentacles: A Lord Voldemort/Giant Squid story for anonymouslyyours
Here's yet another Giant Squid fic.
http://www.hpfandom.net/eff/viewstory.php?sid=15554
Tentacle Time
Snape/Harry/Rubber Duck/Giant Squid
NC-17
You just might need brain bleach for this one. Maybe. Mwahaha!
Re: The Dark Magic of Tentacles: A Lord Voldemort/Giant Squid story for anonymouslyyours
/do they each have a lightning bolt scar and tiny squid glasses?
Re: The Dark Magic of Tentacles: A Lord Voldemort/Giant Squid story for anonymouslyyours
/I don't think they'd have a lightning bolt scar since the scar is not a part of Harry's DNA. Tiny squid glasses is probably a go - some people are short-sighted because of genetic predisposition.
Re: The Dark Magic of Tentacles: A Lord Voldemort/Giant Squid story for anonymouslyyours
Re: The Dark Magic of Tentacles: A Lord Voldemort/Giant Squid story for anonymouslyyours
GO DO WHAT YOU WANT THEN AS LONG AS YOU DON'T KILL PEOPLE. OR EXPECT ME TO BOW DOWN TO YOU. YEAH.
/tiny octopi with tiny lightning bolt scars on their tiny tentacles and tiny suckers