Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2012-08-13 07:19 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2012-08-13 07:19 pm
[ SECRET POST #2050 ]
⌈ Secret Post #2050 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 05 pages, 114 secrets from Secret Submission Post #293.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - posted twice ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
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(Anonymous) 2012-08-14 05:58 am (UTC)(link)I'd also say friendship comes in degrees that range pretty evenly from stranger to BFF. For example, you can feel affection for someone you hardly know if they do something that warrants affection, but you can't be in love with them (you can be infatuated, which is entirely different because it's about an idea rather than the reality of a person, but not in love)
I'd also say romantic love has a kind of constant attraction that's not just sexual — it often manifests itself as sexual attraction, but from my experience I'd describe it as a kind of longing, always being drawn closer, desiring more, whereas friends are more people who are not so much drawn to each other as they are happy in each other's presence. Words like "desire" and "longing" don't really apply to friends as well as to lovers.
And with romantic relationships, vs platonic friendships, with romance you share your life with someone a lot more than friendships. Friendships don't suffer if one friend doesn't share parts of their life with the other, or doesn't make it their job to handle certain aspects of the other's personality, but romantic relationships do (not to say that romantic relationships don't have any privacy or space, just that the privacy and space generally has to be a lot more consciously provided than with friendships). True friends are always there to give you support and help and companionship, but they're not a part of you, and that does not mean they love you less, just that they love you differently.
Platonic friendship can also sometimes provide people with things romantic relationships can't — perspective and an absence of personal involvement (beyond emotions like affection or caring or concern) in someone's problems and a certain detachment that is still pleasantly personal and biased toward you, but . (I honestly always get uncomfortable when someone's romantic partner is their "everything," because do you have any idea how hard it to have no one to help you apart from someone who is completely entangled with you? Almost as hard as it is to have no one to help you at all.)
Of course, none of this is a binary. You can have romantic elements in a friendship with someone you're not attracted to at all, and you can be attracted to someone who you platonically love but who you're not in love with (e.g., you can think a friend of yours is totally smokin' and fantasize about having sex with them without actually wanting to be in a romantic relationship with them or being upset and unsatisfied with being just friends).
And yes, I'd say the most important person in your life can definitely be someone you're not attracted to. For a lot of people, it's a sibling or a son or daughter, or a friend with whom you have a dynamic similar to a sibling/son/daughter, or you can form bonds through circumstances (war in particular does insane things to the bonds between the people who experience it together) that transcend all other bonds without any attraction OR the life-sharing, longing, desire, etc being involved.