fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2051 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2051 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[To Boldly Flee]

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03.

[Teen Wolf, Supernatural]

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04.

[Community]

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05.

[Gravity Falls]

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06.

[Farscape]

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07.

[Earth 2]

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08.

[Black Butler/Kuroshitsuji]

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09.

[Pokemon]

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10.

[Super Mario Galaxy, Suikoden Tierkreis, Pokemon, 999, Redline, Code Geass and Macross Frontier]

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11.

[Venus Ni Seppun]

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12.

[Brokeback Mountain]

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13.

[A Song of Ice and Fire]

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14.

[Tatta Hitotsu No Koi]

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15.

[Xena: Warrior Princess]

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16.

[Tom Hiddleston]

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17.

[Figure It Out - Matt Bennett]

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18.

[Dragon Age 2]

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19.

[Teen Wolf]

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20.

[Law & Order: SVU]

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21.

[Benedict Cumberbatch/The Hobbit]

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22.

[Florence Welch/Florence + The Machine]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 088 secrets from Secret Submission Post #293.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 2 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 2 - posted twice ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Truthfully, I don't think that being uncomfortable if they're super frequent and super detailed means that there's anything wrong with you. I'm in an open poly relationship, and I certainly don't get jealous over it, but I am uncomfortable if it's something said to excess. "Oh she's hot" or discussions of how much they like the character is one thing but if someone is really detailed about how they want to have sex with the character and does it really often on top of that? Yeah, I'm not really comfortable there.

I'm even less comfortable if it's a real person; my bf used to comment on women we'd see on the street when driving and say how much he'd like to fuck them, and I was like, DUDE CREEPY. I had a long talk with him about how fucking objectifying and creepy that is, and he's stopped. But, the fact that your BF did that in the first place, with real people, and now is doing it with fictional people and not backing off even though he knows you're uncomfortable? Not cool.

And FWIW speaking as someone who has worked through security issues, the way to deal with it is NOT for someone to sit there and poke at them and ignore "Hey, I'm not comfortable with this!" There are times when, yeah, I need to push through it and deal with being anxious (this was really after I got out of 2 abusive relationships in a row and basically had been trained to believe I was worthless and nobody could love me, so I was a MESS), and other times when the other person really needs to respect that, hey, I'm not okay with this.

Again, I don't really think what you're asking is unreasonable, and your BF is really being a dick here.

I'm in an open poly relationship, and I certainly don't get jealous over it, but I am uncomfortable if it's something said to excess.

YES. Just because you have an open and communicative relationship doesn't mean your feelings aren't important. Hell even if a platonic friend was all "unf I'd hit that" every single time they saw some one (fictional or not) I'd be INCREDIBLY uncomfortable. It's rude. Keep that shit to yourself, or you look like a creepy shallow jackass who thinks with his junk. Not only is it "ugh" but it's also a bit scary as a lot of men who talk like this aren't too concerned with things like "consent". NOT SAYING your BF would ever do anything like that of course, but it is part of the reason that sort of stuff makes me personally uncomfortable and even scared.

But OP, your BF is being an asshole. He has very little respect for you from what I'm reading here and if he doesn't grow the hell up you can do better. That's not saying "a new boyfriend will fix your problems", that'd be silly. It's that you deserve some one who understands your insecurities and boundaries and they RESPECT them.

Yes. I have known a couple guys that were just... not exactly with it social skills wise, but the thing was when I said, HEY, this is not okay and here's why, they understood (or asked questions to better understand). Not caring that someone is uncomfortable is a huge problem to me (and honestly, I don't think it matters what the subject is; if someone is uncomfortable, they're uncomfortable).

Your second paragraph, ALL THE WAY.

yeah there's a huge difference between expressing your appreciation for beauty out loud and being crude and shallow about it. "oh man i'd fuck that so much" "i'd hit it" are rude. "she's really beautiful" "WOW" that's much different.

Yeah, I mean, I don't even mind the occasional "I'd hit that"... as long as it's occasional. I'd really have a problem with it if it were constant, and not because of jealousy, but because it would basically indicate to me that he viewed women as sex objects. Especially considering OP says that he's done it with RL women, too. It's arguable with characters because they're not "real" and are frequently designed to, well, be objectified... but when he started out with RL women that's just troubling to me.

[ SECRET POST #2051 ]

Re: OP

polyanon here

Re: polyanon here

Re: OP

Re: OP