fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2055 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2055 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

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Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 1 - repeat ].
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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Someone I don't know friended me and sent me a PM saying a mutual friend showed them some friends-only posts at my journal and now they wish to be able to keep seeing them and more without having to bother with borrowing someone else's login so could I please friend them back. I'm seriously creeped out.
How wrong would it be of me to unfriend that person and ban the both of them?

That's really creepy :| I'd unfriend/ban them, myself.

I would unfriend and ban both. That is a breach of privacy. You trusted them with these posts. For them to show people you haven't trusted with those posts is inappropriate. Also, yeah, it's creepy.

Edited 2012-08-18 21:33 (UTC)

Depends on what they're sharing? If it's fic or meta or something impersonal I don't think I would care.

If it's personal stuff out with both of them

That's depressing. I feel like stuff like that should always stay under plausible deniability - we all know it COULD happen but it's best to pretend that it doesn't. FFS, they could easily have just sent you a PM saying 'hi, my friend said you'd written some cool posts about x, can we be friends so I can read those posts?' rather than admitting they already had.

You'd be totally within your rights to kick both of them imo, but you could consider giving the one who's already your friend an opportunity to apologise? Depends how much you get out of the friendship, I guess.

I know, that was my thought, too. It feels like common sense not to admit to something like this.

That is really creepy. If it was fic, I can sort of see why someone might want to show it to people, but you're still well within your rights to ban them because it's still wrong to do it. If it was something personal then that's even worse.

Not overreacting, ban them. I friend people with the unspoken agreement that what is in my private journal stays private, that was a huge breach of trust.

Lock that shit down and don't feel guilty for even a second. Even if it was impersonal stuff it was still yours and no one had a right to decide they could supersede your judgement and show it to someone else. Hell, in some cases I'd be more pissed if someone shared my fic than if they shared some of my personal content.

Ban them. That's not a thing to do, I mean even if it was fic it's still creepy. If you post fic friends only it probably has a reason as well =/

Do you have proof that this actually happened? Did whoever it was refer to specifics in your friends only posts, or just say they'd seen "some". Because they could be trying to make trouble.

What everyone else is saying: don't even feel bad about it.

Wow, somebody seriously crossed a line. I'd ban them both - and send a PM to the original stealing "friend" to explain that what she did was not cool.

Ban the someone. But before I banned the mutual friend, I'd ask hir about it first, and in a kind of nice way. Because there's a significantly greater than zero chance that the stranger is just being a trouble maker, and your friend hasn't done anything wrong.

Not only should you unfriend and ban them, you should report them too to the site's staff because I'm sure that sharing your password/account with someone else is a breach of Terms of Service.

Screencap the PM if you haven't erased it, or at least forward it to Support.

sa

Yeah, here it is:

http://www.dreamwidth.org/legal/tos

"XI. Member Conduct

You agree that you will not use the Website to:

(...)

12. Access any other person's account, or exceed the scope of the Website that you have signed up for; for example, accessing and using features you don't have a right to use."

And if you meant another site like LiveJournal, I think it's the same. This a very standard rule in many websites.

Definitely not an overreaction.

I might try to talk to the friend first, though. First of all, to verify. You never know. The stranger could be full of it. But personally, I would also feel a little differently depending on what the posts were and how my friend reacted to being confronted. If the posts were fandom-related and it seemed like they just didn't think, I may be inclined to give them another chance. But I'd let them know I didn't appreciate it.

The whole thing about borrowing their login is particularly troubling, though. Not only does it probably go against the site TOS, but if true, it suggests more of an intentional thing, as opposed to the friend thoughtlessly mentioning something in conversation or something like that.

Passive-aggressive solution: If by chance, you're feeling awkward about unfriending/banning mutual friend, then add them to a group that never sees any locked posts any more.

But otherwise, you know, I'd get really fucking pissed off at that mutual friend and ban them.

You would be perfectly within your right to block/unfriend both of them.

[ SECRET POST #2055 ]

am I overreacting?

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Not overreacting at all!

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