fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2061 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2061 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

[Xena: Warrior Princess]

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02.

[tales of symphonia]

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03.

[The Girl From Tomorrow]

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04.

[Spyro the Dragon]

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05.

[Lamento -Beyond the Void-]

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06.

[Aidan Gillen]

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07.

[Skyrim]

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08.

[Touhou Project]

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09.

[Total Recall]

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10.

[Castle]

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11.

[Spyro the Dragon]

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[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

12. [SPOILERS for the Dark Knight Rises]

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13. [SPOILERS for Digimon 02]

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14. [SPOILERS for the Borgias]

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15. [SPOILERS for Tales of Symphonia]

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16. [SPOILERS for asoiaf/game of thrones]

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17. [SPOILERS for A Dance With Dragons]

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[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

18. [WARNING for eating disorders]

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19. [WARNING for pedophilia, rape, child abuse]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #294.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm getting really fucking annoyed how some people pretty much glorify rape and torture and other shit but totally condemn other fetishes.
Yeah, judging other people's fetishes when you yourself have a pretty dark or weird one isn't fair.

They keep saying "Oh I'm not into this in real life at all."
What? Um, despite my taste in porn and erotic stories, I don't actually want to go out and murder people. I feel bad when I have to squash an ant, for god's sake. And having talked to a lot of people who share snuff fetishes, the stance of being against the death penalty in real life is actually pretty common among us. Some people want to experiment with autoerotic asphyxiation, but that's a surprisingly common fetish and everyone is aware of how dangerous it is and telling each other to be careful if they attempt it.

then doesn't your rape fantasies mean you also in somehow accept rape and are more likely to act up on these feelings?
I think you need to do some reading about rape fantasies, or listen to some podcasts by Dan Savage where he discusses that with callers.
A rape fantasy where a woman imagines herself as the "victim" (men can have this fantasy too, but women seem to have it more) seems to be tied up with society's view that women shouldn't want sex, or she grew up thinking that sex wasn't something she should want, or rough sex wasn't something she should want, so a fantasy situation where she and her partner agree on a safeword and he holds her down and she has "no choice" (though she could stop it at any time if she wanted to with the safeword) enables her to have sex but feel like because she didn't want it, she's not "bad." Some people prefer the term "ravishment fantasy" to distinguish between consensual roleplay and real life assault. People with this fantasy don't actually want to be raped, they want a scenario they can secretly control but pretend they're helpless in. Sometime people who've been raped use a roleplay scene to work through some of their trauma. Not everyone, but some people have found it helpful to them.

I'm not explaining it as well as Dan Savage has, or other articles I've read about it. I encourage you to do some reading before making judgements on what is admittedly a polarizing topic.

Here's an article that explains things better than I can, I think: http://www.heroesandheartbreakers.com/blogs/2012/05/50-shades-willing-victim-beg-me-why-is-the-rape-fantasy-so-appealing

You're looking to Dan Savage to explain female sexuality? Sorry, automatic fail.

Yes, completely ignore my giant paragraphs and link to an article written by a woman that backs up everything I've said and the things I've heard on Dan Savage's podcast.
Or you could, y'know do some reading instead of saying "lol Dan Savage: FAIL."

No, I'm taking into account Dan Savage is the same jerkass who told a rape victim that she needs to get back in the bedroom and start satisfying her husband ( http://www.womanist-musings.com/2010/11/dan-savage-attacks-rape-survivor-while.html ), so he should not be treated as any kind of authority on the subject of women and sex.

Also, if it's a control fantasy that's 100% consensual, it's not rape. Period. End. Calling it "rape fantasy" not only enables rape culture, but helps to downplay and normalize rape itself (because if women can fantasize about it and get off on it, it can't be that bad, right?)

Look, I don't want to get into an argument about Dan Savage and some of the awful things he's said. I enjoy his columns and his podcast. Do I agree with everything he says? Hell no. But about 80-90% of the time, he's giving good advice about subjects most advice columnists won't touch. As a bisexual I get pretty mad at him for repeated comments that bisexuality is rare and in ten years we'll either be straight or gay, and some of his transphobic comments in the past have made me question continuing to follow him, but then I listen to dozens of episodes of his podcast and realize that while he says assholey things from time to time in public talks at colleges and such, that's not an accurate representation of him.
He is an asshole? Yeah, sometimes very much so. But I'm gonna keep listening to him because he's not an asshole most of the time.

A quote from the article you sent me bothered me a lot though:
"And how dare he suggest that she needs to press charges. After being violated in this way, the last thing you need is someone telling you what to do, let alone a misogynist asshole who has all the sensitivity and caring of a drive time shock jock. If a woman chooses not to press charges that is her right and how dare he sit in judgment of her decisions when the criminal justice system regularly puts rape survivors on trial rather than the rapists themselves."
He said "I hope you went to the police and I hope you're pressing charges." Not "you HAVE TO go to the police and press charges." He's said stuff like that on his podcast quite a bit, that it's up to the person themselves whether to report rape or sexual abuse. I don't understand why Renee Martin had such a violent reaction to him telling a rape victim he "hopes" she's seeking legal action against a rapist.

Also, if it's a control fantasy that's 100% consensual, it's not rape. Period. End. Calling it "rape fantasy" not only enables rape culture, but helps to downplay and normalize rape itself (because if women can fantasize about it and get off on it, it can't be that bad, right?)
That's why a lot of people in the BDSM scene prefer to call it "ravishment fantasy." People are slowly transitioning to that, but sometimes it's easier for people to say "rape fantasy" and have other people understand what they mean.

Sure, justify it and rationalize it any way you like. IMO you're supporting a misogynistic, transphobic, biphobic asshole who's really doing far more harm than he will ever do good with a lot of his "advice", and treating a man as an expert on women's issues. And that makes you a fucking idiot who isn't worth listening to.

Ok, so we can't have a discussion about this. More's the pity.
If I hadn't listed Dan Savage as one of my examples, would you have listened to anything I had to say, or are you just using him as an excuse to stick your fingers in your ears and ignore everything I'm saying about ravishment fantasies?

Nope, I wouldn't have listened to it anyway. People who even try to legitimize "rape fantasy" in any manner are also fucking idiots who aren't worth listening to.

(are you always this bad at getting the hint, or are you being especially dense today?)

*sighs* Well, thank you for being honest at least.

[ SECRET POST #2061 ]

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