fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2069 ]

[ SECRET POST #2069 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2069 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[The City of Dreaming Books]

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[Teen Girl Squad]

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[Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind]

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[Avengers]

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[The Monkees]

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Notes:

Important: I'm really sorry about this, but I accidentally clicked the wrong thing and deleted the submission post from last week instead of saving it. Managed to save the first page (25) of secrets, but the rest (a bit over 100) are gone.

If you submitted something last week (Aug 26-Sept 1), please resubmit it here and it will still go up this week.

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Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #296.
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Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm a very VERY friendly person. I'm not exactly an extrovert (I actually really enjoy to spend time alone) but definitely love meeting new people and engaging in conversations with strangers, etc. Anyway, I talk -- and a LOT. When I'm excited, I end up babbling about endlessly about whatever subject interests me (though usually I made sure the other person is interested as well? Obviously, it's not nice when someone is spewing all that info at me and I just don't give a shit about it...), and generally overshare things.

I know I'm definitely not perfect and know there's several things about myself and the I am that I need/am trying to improve on. I sometimes have trouble with picking up on social cues, so that's one area I really am working on. Like, if someone doesn't reply back to me, I back off -- because I don't want to be that incredibly annoying someone who just won't stop. Otherwise? Not really.

My question is, since the subject has came up quite a few times during the last couple weeks, is: am I creepy? Obviously I'm just another anon on F!S and don't really know anyone in this comm, but I figured I'd mention and look at insight others may have for me.

And I swear, I'm not a troll or anything. Just really wondering about this. :(

Did someone call you creepy? That's not very nice. You sound just fine, but I haven't met you in person so I don't know.

Well, yes. There was someone calling me that sometime ago. It was awful because that nothing I ever wanted to be labelled as.

Otherwise it's mostly the vibe I get off people? It makes me feel like I am doing something wrong? If that makes sense.

:( Things people say can really stick with you. I know the feeling, I was labelled as creepy and weird for years and I never did anything wrong either. Again, like I said anon, you seem fine to me. Maybe you just give off the air of being eccentric or something, some people just do. Or otherwise maybe you're just reading that into people because someone said hurtful things to you a while ago and now you see it in all of your interactions, you sound like a person who is super careful with all of your social interactions so it seems to me like it is the latter answer.

You sound okay to me.

But, then again, OPs concerns sound like things I worry about, so take my opinion with a grain of salt.

Edited 2012-09-01 20:32 (UTC)

They are things I worry about as well so I don't know if I am the best judge here either.

Eh, yeah. I'm very forgiving when it comes to perceived creepiness because I know what it's like to be desperate to be included and feel connected.

I think what you just said describes me (I'm the OP) pretty well. I know it's pretty silly to feel this way.

For example, I just joined this RP group and it's so nnghh, almost painful that I feel like I'm just a stranger. So I started talking more to the people there, and bam-- suddenly I'm a creeper/creepy. (it's actually what prompted me to post this).

:/ Your rp group is a bunch of assholes if they say that to you.

Re: Friendly = creepy?

fingalsanteater - 2012-09-01 21:17 (UTC) - Expand

You don't sound creepy at all to me. A little eager maybe, but that isn't always a bad thing. It's nice to feel like the person your talking to is actually enjoying themselves, and that's the impression I get from your comment. There are much worse things to be than talkative anon! Plus, my mom overshares too - people seem to enjoy talking to her regardless.

Whoever called you creepy was probably just being an ass. It's one thing to not want to continue a conversation, but it's totally different to tell that person they're creepy. As long as you weren't extremely pushy or anything (and I don't think you were), you're probably okay.

Are you making sure not to get right into people's personal space when you talk to them? Do you avoid asking complete strangers about things that are too personal? Do you politely act like you didn't hear the phone number they just rattled off to the checkout clerk?

If so, then chances are you aren't creepy.

But there's still the possibility that you're annoying. If someone is replying to you, but at the same time they keep turning away or looking at their book/phone/newspaper or trying to listen to another conversation -- then they probably really want to get back to what they're doing. Just assume they're too non-confrontational to tell you so.

This is actually really limited data to make a creepy-or-not conclusion. I mean, based on the info that you talk a lot, like to meet new people, and don't bombard people with emails - no, not creepy.

However, that's a pretty small window into your actions, you know?

I mean, for what it's worth you sound like a self-aware friendly person from this tidbit you've written.

Anon, are you me? Because this sounds like me alright. Since it seems we both have similar social characteristics, all I can say is, if you're being creepy, I'm being creepy too. I mean, I always thought I was just being an animated person when with friends/new people. Maybe we're different from the others, but I personally wouldn't go as far to say we're being creepy. :)

P.S. I'm so glad I'm not the only kinda-extrovert who loves alone time and let's their voice fade away when no one's listening and babbling when excited. Sometimes when I realize that I'm babbling, I even say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm just going on and on here. What do you think about [X]?"

Well it depends on the context, I think. I have a friend that sometimes does things or says things that creep me out, so I tell her this in a "please stop doing that it's making me uncomfortable" way compared to a "ew you creep leave me alone forever omg" way which the latter sounds like you are worried about? Reassess what you said or did that got the 'creepy' comments and look at it from another angle. If you can see where the person could get creeped out from, then you have your answer.

Creepy? Not from your description, no. Annoying, possibly, especially if the other person can't get a word in edgewise or really, really wants to disengage from the conversation and you're not giving them the space to do that, but probably not creepy. Personally, I HATE it when strangers try to talk to me, and being overfriendly and ignoring my attempts to end the conversation tends to make me want to punch people in the solar plexus to make them shut up, but that's not the same as being all up in my personal space, trying to get personal information out of me, or making sexually inappropriate comments, which would be my boundary for "creepy."

That makes sense, true. But how am I supposed to get to know someone if they don't want to talk to me at all? Or don't like strangers talking to them? I know most people don't mind (and I don't try to purposefully annoy them), but just curious about your case.

Sorry if I sound offensive.

But how am I supposed to get to know someone if they don't want to talk to me at all? Or don't like strangers talking to them?

Try someone else?

Maybe it's just me, but the idea that you're "supposed to" be able to get to know someone that you've never met before and don't have any friends or institutions in common with seems kind of self-centered. Maybe they have as many friends as they can handle at the moment and don't want the emotional investment and responsibility of taking on another one right now. Maybe they're an introvert, and dealing with other people at all takes energy, ones they don't know doubly so, and they just don't have the resources to spare right then. Why would you want to force yourself on them?

I mean, it's obviously different if you're in the same class together, or you're co-workers, or if you have friends in common who introduce you, although that last is still kind of stressful for me. But real strangers? The immediate stress and energy drain is really uncomfortable for me, and if someone doesn't pick up on that and disengage, especially after I've tried to politely disengage once or twice, then they're probably not a person who's going to be healthy for me to have as a permanent fixture in my life, anyway.

Some people just aren't comfortable interacting closely with strangers, and prefer to get to know people though shared interests/activities. In that case, I think you just need to accept that great interaction won't happen every time.

I don't think a little bit of interaction with strangers is a bad thing. Personally, I enjoy it sometimes. It can be fun to strike up a conversation unexpectedly. But while there's always the possibility of forming a real friendship this way, it often doesn't go anywhere. I think you need to pay attention to the cues the other person is giving you. If they're interacting a lot and seem interested, then by all means keep going! But otherwise, try to leave a little space for things to end gracefully if they need to.

it depends on what you say, i suppose? some people might find certain comments a little... invasive? presumptive? something like that.

but don't let that make you stop being friendly. just learn when to turn off the faucet :)

I hate to ask it, but... are you female or male? And was the person you were talking to female or male? I ask because sometimes the dynamics can be a little different based on gender, unfortunately. If you're a dude and you were talking to a woman, sometimes when men who don't get social cues come up to us, it feels like pressure, whether intended or not.

If you're talking to a man, I think that might go south because men are often (whether by socialization or whatever) quieter/less "perkily" talkative.

If you and the person you were talking to are both women, I'm not sure.

I do think that not understanding social cues can make you come off as creepy, or as pushy. Like... when I was a kid, I'd get really invested in something and talk about it endlessly. I'd relate everything to that thing. So like, taking my current fandom (Transformers) as The Interest Du Jour, and a random person I'm talking to "Oh, you like trains? You know, Astrotrain is a train. And he's portrayed as kind of dorky, but it must be interesting to be a sentient train. You'd be different from all the other sentient robots because you..." while the person I was talking to would be "No, I wanted to talk about trains. Not Transformers!"

I don't know if maybe you're doing that kind of thing, but if you're that sort of person who gets fixated on one thing and doesn't stop, like me... mm. What helped me was to set aside time to talk about it. I hang out in fandoms, now that I know what fandoms are; in those spaces it's expected and welcomed for me to relate the fandom thing to something random and go on and on about it. I also do things that aren't obvious. I wear a lot of purple because of its significance in my fandom, and therefore I can be doing a fandom-related thing during the day without behaving in a way that bothers people.

I have no idea if any of that's helpful because I know so little about the encounter, but there are some thoughts.

Did the person say anything about what s/he found creepy? That might be a start.

You're not creepy. Maybe you should hang around more extroverted people, though. Sometimes introverts can be very turned off by extroverted people if they don't rein in the openness and such. And if you think you are oversharing, maybe you are. Maybe try to talk less about yourself or give others a bit more time to talk. That's what I'm trying to work on, anyway.

not creepy, but to be completely honest, i can't imagine anyone not finding you at best annoying and at worst really rude. you probably come across as very self-centered. if you want to get to know somebody, ask them about their interests or opinions or whatever. sharing is really only appropriate when somebody wants to know (or if it's extremely important and you need feedback), and the only way to know if they want to know is if they ask you. or if you've been friends for a while and can guess. friendship is about give and take, obviously, but if you're trying to pursue a friendship with somebody you need to give first and see if they're receptive. taking their time and attention when you have no right to is imo rude and invasive.

my feelings on this are probably harsher than some people's, though.

Have people told you or mentioned they find your behaviour uncomfortable or creepy? In which case you probably are, even if unintentionally.
Maybe try and tone down your chatter a bit.

However if people don't seem to mind and you back off when they indicate they're not social/interested today - then you're doing cool.

I think...it kind of depends on the social standards where you live? For example, where I live it's considered the norm [even polite] to say 'Hi, how are you?' type of stuff when you're passing someone on the street/store/wherever while walking. While it's not exactly the hight of rudeness to *not* do that, it's got some implications [you're not from here/you're having a bad type of stuff] if you don't.

However, I've heard that elsewhere that behavior gets called 'creepy' because that's not what the social norm is.

So, really...I'd say think about the social norms, and if there's nothing from that, that might have sparked it, you'd probably have to ask the actual person who said it.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #2069 ]

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