fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2084 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2084 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I fucking love "tired of being sorry," but it is annoying how he basically says he couldn't help it: "But baby I was lonely!"
I'm not a monogamous person, so the songs dont bother me as much as a monog person probably, but it annoys me how he won't take the blame!!

Correct me since I'm wrong, since I am monogamous, but - isn't cheating far, far removed from a consensual poly relationship? Like if, for example, a poly person had sex with someone without their partner(s)'s knowledge or consent, wouldn't that be just as bad as cheating in a monog relationship? Unless it was stated "hey I might decide to have random sex with someone" but that can be acceptable to the SO in a monog relationship too, if it's an open relationship.

Different Anon: Hmm, do you consider non-monogamous = poly and open relationship = monogamous? I'm a bit confused about your comment.

By the way I'm non-monogamous and in an open relationship, and while cheating has nothing to do with a consensual open relationship, I don't have such an intense negative reaction and feelings about cheating and cheaters as I see many people manifest, online and in real life. So maybe that's what the other anon meant.

To my understanding, open relationship can be either monogamous or poly. It just depends on whether the parties in question want to commit to each other, or want to find some kind of gratification outside their relationship, etc. It doesn't have to preclude monogamy.

I don't have such an intense negative reaction and feelings about cheating and cheaters as I see many people manifest

That's a really interesting observation. If you weren't in an open relationship, do you think maybe you would be more upset? Like I really just don't understand this, I'm not trying to say "you're wrong!" but the fact is cheating really does hurt the person you're cheating on, so maybe it's different if you only put yourself in a position where you can't be cheated on?

After I posted my comment, I realized you meant monogamous as in one primary partner, not in one sexual partner. This other sense is very rare in my mother language. And yes, in that sense open relationships can be either monog or poly - I guess I'd still call mine non-monog since not only casual sex is acceptable, but also going out with other people.

I was in a monogamous relationship for over 3 years and I've never cheated on my partner, even though I already knew monogamy wasn't for me. Even so, I never felt strongly about cheating like he did or other people do. If he had cheated on me, I probably would have just told him we either opened the relationship or called it quits.**
Having said that, I definitely understand it's something very hurtful - it's just that it seems that for other people it's a *lot* more hurtful than other kinds of lying, while for me it isn't.

**I do think this particular take is not representative of how most people who are in open relationships would react when they were in monog ones and cheated on.

Cheating isn't the same thing as lying, though. They often go hand in hand, but they aren't synonymous.

Thanks for your perspective, though :) and no problem, sometimes it's hard to tell what people mean on this kind of topic.

[ SECRET POST #2084 ]

Re: Those goddamn songs

Re: Those goddamn songs

Re: Those goddamn songs

Re: Those goddamn songs

Re: Those goddamn songs

Re: Those goddamn songs