fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2084 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2084 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 094 secrets from Secret Submission Post #298.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

A lot of people seem to think that you have to have a relationship of some kind with both your parents and any other close relatives, and that if you don't, it's a sign that something is wrong and needs to be fixed. Even in the case of an abusive parent, there's this bizarre expectation that if the abuser changes their behavior and stops being abusive, that you will want (or should want) to renew your relationship with your former abuser since they're "better now."

It's bullshit.

Seriously, even if the abuser completely changes their personality and regrets having harmed you, if you have no positive feelings toward that person, or if your negative feelings significantly outweigh any positive feelings you do have, you have no obligation to continue a relationship with that person, and no reason to want to. You should certainly not be expected to "work past" the traumatic feelings that interacting with the person inspires in you.

You're not obligated to love someone, or get along with them, or interact with them, if they've treated you consistently horribly for the majority of your relationship with them -- even if they're close blood relations. The expectation that familial relationships entitle people to interpersonal relationships regardless of their past behavior is absurd.

I agree with everyone else who has suggested you ask your mother to drop the issue, and ignore her any time she tries to bring it up again. If she needs to cope with her abuse by trying to normalize her relationship with her past abuser, that's her business. You need to do what's best for you. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. *hugs if wanted*

This is a great comment and even though it wasn't directed at me I would like to thank you for it.

I've had a really hard time expressing to my mother that I do not need to repair relationships in order to let go of what happened in them.

Hugs graciously accepted.

[ SECRET POST #2084 ]

Re: Am I right or wrong? (TW: Abuse)

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Re: Am I right or wrong? (TW: Abuse)